Is this normal?

I wouldn’t be leaving him in charge of your kids by the sounds of it.

You’re not overreacting, honesty is a basic expectation in a relationship. It’s not just about the spaghetti; it’s about trust. Repeated lying- even about small things- can be really frustrating, especially when he shifts the blame onto you. This is a trait he really needs to acknowledge and work on. Have you been able to talk to him about why this keeps happening and how it makes you feel?

I wouldn’t be too hard on him when it comes to what he has fed them as-long as they are fed and well taken care of. At the end of the day most mums do it better and a lot of dads feel like their best isn’t good enough and i feel maybe this could be the case but you know your relationship better but its a thought

@Sana this has been an ongoing issue and we've discussed it a lot. His family never had any conflict and would sweep everything under the rug, so now he hates conflict. But he's a grown man who should know lying doesn't equate to a healthy relationship with no conflict

@Ayat yes, he did say he feels inadequate when I ask him questions and thinks I'm judging him. I just didn't think that asking what he gave the kids for dinner was a threatening question 🤷🏻‍♀️

You know I really fkn hate the “this is why I don’t tell you anything” argument. IM REACTING TO BEING LIED TO! Not because of the thing you covered up or told the truth in the first place.

You need to repeat and reiterate to him that you don’t care what he gave for dinner, whether it was spaghetti or something else, that it doesn’t matter the slightest, that it’s merely a question you’d like the answer to, and the answer will not be judged by you. If his defense is that he’ll be judged then you’ll just have to keep reassuring him that you don’t care, at that point you just want the truth and not a distorted lie. Just stop lying.

Oh im completely with you when you say that, I just think that its easier for them to lie than to tell the truth of them feeling incompetent and because you caught him out on the lie he then had to go and make sense of it to himself and the only way he can do that is by defending himself and that comes across as argumentative. You both need a line of communication where both parties are understood and heard and come to a common ground, its so easy to argue its not so easy to communicate in a healthy manner and thats where relationships tend to fail. You were both reacting to something, he was just reacting to a scenario he made in his head and thats where the lie came from

Avoiding conflict by lying just creates bigger issues in the long run. Maybe you could have an open conversation when you’re both calm and let him know that honesty, even if the truth isn’t ideal, is always better than a lie. Reassuring him that you’d rather hear the truth than be lied to might help him break the habit. And the next time he does tell the truth (even if it’s not what you wanted to hear), acknowledge and appreciate that he did. Hopefully this will help break the cycle!

@Ayat I think you've actually hit the nail on the head when you said he was reacting to a scenario in his head, I don't think he realises that