Mourning who I thought my husband would be

I feel like I am mourning who I thought my husband would be as a dad. He is constantly on his phone in her face if he is around. He used to help with bottles and he gave her a bottle aversion by being too forceful. I am exclusively pumping and giving all her bottles and I do all her naps so I have no personal time and he does not help and refuses to learn how to help with her. He complains about getting me food (though he does luckily) and even complains like crazy about putting things together for her, like her stroller. It is so annoying I’m really resenting him as a person now. He also whines about sex when I am the least attracted to him I have ever been due to the reasons above. The only thing he is good about it finances thankfully but wow. Just not who I thought he would be at all. :(

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Ew, I really don’t blame you for not really being into him after all of that. Maybe let him know how you’re feeling and why and suggest a parenting class for him, as well as marriage counseling for you two to work on the tension and resentment

What @Fel said

How old is little one and have you spoken to him about it? You need to be open and honest about expectations now so you don't continue to grow your resentment. He needs to change and step up but it can be a process particularly when they're really little. Many partners struggle to bond and feel shit about themselves and do completely the wrong thing and take a step back rather than a step up. He's still got time to be an amazing dad. Many find it a lot easier as baby gets older but that doesn't mean you should suffer in silence. You need to be a team to do this parenting thing or your relationship will be awful/won't survive. It shouldn't be all on you.

My partner is absolutely shite with babies, but amazing from about 2 years old onwards. I’m not excusing it, but hopefully it gives you some hope xx

My husband was struggling with PPD and PPA after we had our first son. The birth was super traumatic for both of us. I didn't know how bad he was struggling until I started being open about my own PPA with him. I told him I'm not telling you this for you to fix me but so that we can be more aware of each other's struggles. If i was having a particularly rough day, I'd say I know WE both are low on sleep and doing the best we can. He slowly started opening up and it also came to light that he stopped helping because I was micromanaging and criticizing everything he did for me and how he took care of our son. Did that comment hurt my pride...yes but it also made me realize that if I wanted help it was okay that it's not done the way i like it, but that it's done. Also, my husband had zero experience with babies and so a lot of the diaper bag packing and what not was hard for him. At first I wrote him a list of things I typically pack when going out. We are 2 kids deep and one more on the way and he is self

Sufficient now with the babies. And well I've calmed the fuck down with my expectations and got some therapy to help with my PPA/PPD. Also Dr.Chavonne saved my marriage. Her podcast is amazing! She also comes on the pods sometimes. I highly highly recommend her podcast. I posted an episode but browse around to see if any titles resonate with you. Seriously I didn't realize how bad I was at communicating effectively with my husband until I listened to this and applied her thoughts. https://open.spotify.com/episode/4l4eNnNnDisHtOj9VIRNRs?si=qIBQLqwwTeySQjoeiAs-XQ

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