They told me they are uncomfortable with my toddler’s behaviour

It’s a tough one, but if another child was slapping and yelling at my child, regardless of how common it is - i wouldn’t be okay with it.

I think they did the responsible thing as parents which is voicing their concerns. Are you expecting them not to speak up because other 2 year olds do it too?

It might be common but not all kids do it. I’d be worried about behavior towards my kid too. Maybe to them it sounds like youre dismissing it?

@Daija I didn’t expect anything, to be honest. They caught me by surprise. But you are right, it was the responsible thing to do

@Lennox they know we don’t dismiss it, we see each other all the time so they witness when we correct our child 😔

@Emma of course. ♥️

It’s pretty normal I’d say for them to go through phases like that especially at that age. Not really anyone’s place to say something about another persons child 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m sure if you genuinely thought it was cause for concern you’d know x

@Chloe I think it concerns the other couple because their child doesn’t socialice as much as mine, so they don’t really see the general behaviour when toddlers get together (which is “owning” everything, not sharing, pushing, etc). So if I think it that way, I really think they are worried thinking that my child’s behaviour isn’t normal 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm a mother of 5 and 3 special needs and I never experienced any of the listed behaviors with my kids. I'm curious on why you feel the behavior is normal. The terrible 2's were for me the time when each individual kid showed rebellious sides not aggression. Lots of No's,I dont wanna , etc. But not slapping ,pushing etc. Our kids pick up what we put down even if we don't intend. Hope it helps

@Sharon perhaps I wrote the wrong word. Instead of “normal” I would use “common”. And I say this because it’s what I always see in playgroups 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m a first time mom, so that’s why I ask for opinions. Thank you for yours ♥️

It can be super tricky to navigate the toddler years with friends who have other toddlers so I totally get your pain! Having come through to the other side of that 2-3 year now I would say her behaviour is totally normal and their daughter will likely show this behaviour at some point in some form later down the line. Most of my friends children who were passive/delicate in nature in the early 2’s are a lot more pushy, snatchy etc now that they’re heading into the 3’s. Whereas the ones that were a bit earlier to snatch, push etc are a lot calmer, share better etc now they are nearly 3. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do other than what you’re already doing by correcting her behaviour, reading books about gentle hands etc. I had a similar ish situation and ended up creating some distance between my daughter and a friend of ours daughter as the play dates didn’t feel that positive for while. We’re back to being close now that the girls are older and they play really nicely X

If you’re not worried I wouldn’t think much of someone else’s opinion. My child is exactly the same, I’m not worried. It’s just normal for majority of kids. Don’t stress <3

Also, good for other mums who haven’t experienced ‘terrible twos’. Unfortunately no two kids are the same, no need for anyone to judge because someone’s child is behaving like that. It’s perfectly NORMAL. You’re doing a good job x

@Molly thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps ♥️ the temporary solution I’ve come up to is having play dates in neutral spaces, such as playground, soft plays, parks … not in houses because there are always lots of toys and stuff that generates the arguments. My daughter isn’t aggressive, as somebody commented, she is really sweet and shares almost everything. She just snaps in delicate moments, when she’s sleepy or hungry for example, it doesn’t happen all the time. And I also think that the more she socialices, the more this will happen because that’s their way of relating between toddlers. They love/hate each other all the time And as for the other child, my daughter really loves her. She even says it to her. They hug and kiss all the time and get really happy when they see each other. It’s just this moments when my baby gets like the grinch 😕

@Chloe thank you so much ♥️I’m doing everything in my power to raise her well, with kind and loving behaviour towards everybody. It’s just this throws me out of balance because sometimes, like you say, I feel super judged and not supported by other moms. I mean, it’s not necessary to look at my daughter the wrong way or make a mean comment, the pain that I feel sometimes is enough for me

In all honestly - I wouldn’t say pushing / slapping is common. My little boy doesn’t push / slap and neither does his little Nursey friend that we go out with often. Either way even if it was / or is common - I wouldn’t allow my child to do this to a close family friend and wouldn’t be happy if they did it to my child . Can you try to teach your child it’s not nice and not to do this to their little friend. I’m sure it’s a phase and the tables will turn and the little friend will push etc at some point. Try not to worry - it will sort its self xx

@Jade what do you mean if I can try? Of course I do try, every time it happens. Thank you for your comment

Honestly this behaviour from kids pisses me off bad. A lot of the times parents are no where near their child when it happens which irritates me even more because if you know your child behaves like that you shouldn’t feel comfortable enough to leave them to play and wonder without supervision. I’ve definitely had to step in a few times and tell someone else’s child to not touch mine - it seems you’re very aware of your child’s behaviour, and from reading the comments you try your best to direct their behaviour which is good! Just keep doing what you’re doing, be firm when they start to act a certain way and let them know that behaviour is not ok. Just be vigilant which I’m sure you are, i know you must feel super judged when these situations arise but honestly it’s not easy for us either as we don’t want to have to speak on someone else’s child’s behaviour - let alone someone you know/ are close to

Absolutely. I don’t think it’s fair for anybody to judge, also in this comment section. You didn’t say your little one was hitting your friends child, you said that’s how she behaves. Any health visitor will tell you that this stage is when they act up. Lots of babies hit. The nursery mine goes to says it’s VERY common xx

My nearly 3 year old has never gone through a pushing, slapping, yelling phase - i wouldn’t have said it’s common. I think I would be concerned if my calm, passive, delicate little girl was on the receiving end of your little guy :) My best friends little boy started to bite my son (they were both 2ish) We discussed it, came up with a plan to address it and it passed. I wasn’t going to fall out about it as she was doing her best to correct the bad behaviour. What are you doing to address it? Is this what is not sitting well with the little girls parents?

@Melisa it pisses me off too. There has been times where my child was the one pushed or slapped and I just wanted to “kill” the other kid. So I understand the situation the other parents are in. That being said, now that my child has the same behaviour I hate so much, pisses me off even worst! I’m always on top of her, chasing her around playgroups watching her and being with her so that I can control and correct bad behaviour when it happens. I talk to her a lot about people’s feelings and about what is right and what is wrong. I’m doing everything. This behaviour just started, seems as soon as she turns 2, which was mid February 😕

@Chloe from what I’ve being reading it’s common for some of us, and it’s not for some others 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know then. Do you have any books recommendations? I’m looking for reading material that can help me out

@Francesca my kids behaviour just started like a month ago, so all I’ve been doing so far is correct/control/regulate her whenever I’ve had to. But, since that doesn’t seem to be enough, I want to read more about it. Do you have any recommendations? 🙏

I think this sounds like a great idea - I found that also helped with mine. Mine and the other little girl also got on really really well and gave each other hugs, kisses, held hands all the time etc too but just for those short few months they clashed a little on play dates over toys etc so I totally get it. I created the space between them more as a response to the parents critique of my daughter as it was driving me a bit insane and leaving me feeling very protective/defensive over my child, who I knew was developing just fine but was just testing some boundaries/feeling frustrated by some of the behaviours of their daughter etc which they couldn’t see in her! Hope this works for you too 💗 Also to add this comments section is a little crazy to me, I have a group of 10 very close mum friends with children who are aged 3 now (we met when the babies were 4 months) and all of our children maybe apart form one, have at some point been a bit grabby, pushy, not willing to share etc! Xx

Also if you are looking for books the colour monster is a great one for feelings :)! And usborne do a feelings sticker book which my daughter loved and helped her to identify her feelings and the feelings of others a bit better. But honestly it sounds like you’re doing everything in your power to help her and I’m sure it will resolve in a few months as you’ve said! Xx

You are not ignoring it which is the main thing and your friends should appreciate you are trying and this behaviour is unacceptable to you. Keep doing what you are doing, are you standing completely firm with it? Remove her from the situation as soon as she steps out of line. She pushes the other girl in the park you leave the park, she slaps the other little girl on a play date you leave. You need to come down on this hard and nip it in the bud. Our little boy has tried this, well he did it a handle of times over the course of a week and we just put said no and walked away from him. He followed us around crying for about 15 mins and then he apologised to me for hitting my face and we moved on to something more fun again. It stopped as soon as it started but you have to be hard and act fast.

I do think many need to realise just because their child hasn’t gone through a phase like this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen..unfortunately I don’t have any book recommendations but I hope you find some x

@Francesca thank you! I’ve been hard enough with it, but I believe that what comes next is getting more strict even. Zero tolerance. I don’t want this to get worst to a point we can’t handle her anymore.

@Sharon I was actually going to say my daughter was very passive and she was later diagnosed as autistic. Our son on the other hand is a wildfire lol. Someone said to me that she was probably more passive because she's autistic.

Incog the best books in my opinion are not parenting book instead look at child development book. Hitting, yelling are forms of communication you just need to figure out what your child is trying to communicate and teach a replacement behavior