AITA?

For those saying I’m the a-hole can you elaborate on what you think I should do better to overcome this??

Make an appointment for both of you and bring his ass there. Why does he want to be elsewhere when he's at home with his family? He needs to communicate with you, not an AI chatbot. Maybe a therapist can help facilitate some communication between you two.

It sounds like he hasn't figured out how to step up in the adult world and live with responsibility. You are definitely nta. And there is nothing you need to do. This is on him to fix because he's the only one that can fix it. When do you get time off?

Can you make the therapy appointment then? Neither of you are a-holes.

@Melissa we were in couples therapy before and it helped a bit but he what’s A LOT of past issues to deal with in a personal therapist as well. Previously I was really codependent and would do whatever to push him to get help but I tried for months and now I’m not going to force his hand. I’m not a fan of ultimatums but saying this stuff in front of our children and acting checked out in front of them is so upsetting for them and me both

@Katherine I do not get time off unless my mom can come and spend time with the kids. Usually it’s only for an hour or so though. I really feel it’s going to come to a head and I’m going to have to give the ultimatum or just give myself a time limit on how long I’m willing to sit in it before I just move on

I have a 2 year old son and 9 month old daughter but I am a SAHM and my husband works monday through saturday. His only day off is saturday and i try to give him space today since he works so much ..i would be so upset to be treated this way and forced to take birth control for a man who does this to me and still expects so much like working and sacrificing my health and possible cancer risks from BC

I still believe both Mum and Dad needs friends and hobbies outside of work and relationships- we need outlets. Sounds like he’s missing some outlets, where he can go and get all his daily stress/anger out them come home refreshed. For my man it’s motorbike riding, bowling (every Wednesday league) and golfing and fishing on weekends alternating or sees his boys during or other times just for a drink and chat and vent lol. I have my friends and hobbies too, though. It’s fair, and we don’t take frustration out on each other because we have outlets.

@Kellie I think this is a lot of it for sure. I’m needing outlets too and moments of rest. I feel like I give him all the opportunity he just doesn’t really know how to make friends. Gardening is his biggest hobby and he gets a lot of time doing that. Honestly he was gone for 7 hours Friday doing his own thing when he was off prepping the garden because he was so excited to do it and then this morning we were out taking a drive which was nice. But when he’s not doing what he wants or isn’t busy doing something he wants he gets like this. It’s almost every day he’s not doing something he wants to do. Any time he has responsibilities or people are expecting things from him he gets like this so I’m thinking it’s a more deeply seated issue that I don’t know if I can help with

Let me know if you ever figure this out. In a similar boat. Or msg me and we can just be vent buddies!

Why is he feeling so frustrated and unhappy?

@Hannah I asked his mom this because it seems like unless we are giving him exactly what he wants he’s miserable, but actually, even when he gets exactly what he is asking for he’s miserable. She just told me he’s always been miserable.

@Katherine messaged you!

OK, well, that sucks. Does he maybe have depression? What did he tell you was the reason?

@Hannah I am absolutely sure he does but he is always like “why do I need to work on myself or change?” He doesn’t give a reason all the time, he’s just miserable. Sometimes he’ll say things like life isn’t spontaneous enough, he didn’t do any free agent stuff before he got into serious relationships, etc. he blames everyone for his issues but refuses to do anything about it or try to work through anything

Then, set boundaries and stick to them. You said he goes to chatGP all the time. What does chatGP say? What does he say when he tells you about chatGP?

It sounds like he’s wanting therapy from chat gpt? I hope he’ll come around and get real therapy. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and fulfillment.

@Hannah it’s truly like “chat is so funny…” and then he’ll tell me what he told it/what its response was. It is strange.

@Grayson for sure. We talked tonight and I told him I don’t want to give ultimatums but he’s got to get his shit figured out with someone who is able to actually support him. He’s got a lot of trauma and I recognize that but like you’re saying me being his partner doesn’t make me responsible for his happiness and fulfillment

I'm surprised he's using generic chatgp and not a specific moods app one