in August 2024 Babies 🇬🇧

Feeling Upset

I should probably start by saying I’m hormonal as my period is due any day, but I am getting fed up of my partner and his lack of contributions in the house. I am the main breadwinner of the household and thankfully had 6 months full pay mat leave. I dont want to get too into specifics of finances but he moved into my place, so I pay everything and am best with finances so I manage all the money. The agreement was he would start giving me money when he moved in. Well… he decided not to move in until the month I gave birth because he couldnt afford to give me money beforehand. I had enough saved to allow me an additional month of maternity leave. The goal was for my partners monetary contributions to the house would be saved and allow me an extra 2-3 months on top. However, he has been struggling to make the money and give it to me on time. For example, the first month he was supposed to start giving me money, I ended up lending him the exact amount. So he was already in debt to begin with. This followed fashion for a few months. I had to do some KIT days at work to top me up for the months he was supposed to be covering me. I am currently now on zero balance, all our bills are due in 2 weeks time and I have had zero update from him that he will be able to pay everything in time. Luckily, I came into a pot of money that will tide me over for an additional year off work if I wanted to. However, I hope to be going back to work in a couple months time as I need the break. Yes, I called going back to work a “break”. My partner does not contribute to the house or being a father unless I tell him to, even then, it might be a battle. Im fed up. I dont want to leave him, I have conversations with him once a week about his lack of contribution. All he does is make me feel sorry for him. His response is always “I have to work”, “Im trying my best”, “I need to work to make the money I owe you”. Ok? People work and are parents too?! Cook dinner! Tidy their homes! Feed their baby when they need feeding! Help with the night shift! I have been ill for 4 weeks and not getting better because I havent had a break or any help from him! Im so fed up! I just needed to rant! Ive been too ill to speak with him lately, I dont have the energy for his comebacks and im in too much physical pain to speak anyway. Sometimes I want to put the chain on the door and tell him to go back home to his Mothers house and not come back till hes ready to be a proper partner in all aspects of the word.

Show your support

Girl I would honestly try having an honest chat with him about how you feel. I know you’ve said you’ve tried but that’s the only advice I can think of. That or agreeing to making him go back to his mums house! I know how you feel, it’s difficult when a partner doesn’t pull their weight or only does when asked. I truly hope things get better for you!

Sorry to say this but he sounds like he is no good. If he cannot support u financially then he should step up with house work and parenting...just curious, why did u say you dont want to leave him? Is there sth in particular that makes u wanna stay with him?

@Winnie I know he is a good man at heart with good intentions. He provides amazing emotional support when I really need it. I also know he is more than capable of doing the things I need him to, to contribute to the house. When I first came home from the hospital, the first 2 weeks he was amazing. His Mum spoilt him so he doesnt know how to cook or do any housework. But in those 2 weeks he learnt a few meals to cook for me, he figured out the washing machine, he washed dishes etc. Everything basically needed to maintain a house. And there have been a couple occasions where ive lost it with him and hes stepped up for a day or so. So I know its in him, but he chooses not to and uses work as an excuse.

@Bronagh Thank you, I really hope so too 🙏🏽

Hi! Hope you are ok! I am in a very similar position with what sounds like a very similar partner. I also pay for everything as well as work full time and have had issues with him providing any financial contribution at all. Actually reading your second comment you/your partner sounds so similar. I don’t have any words of advice to be honest as I’m dealing with the same feelings you are, please know you aren’t alone here. It’s difficult when people just go - leave him then? Like it’s not that simple. He adores our baby and there’s many ways he does help such as emotional support, the driving, cooking etc. but it’s hard when you want an equal partner and you are having to do 90% of the heavy lifting. I feel your frustration and how easy it is the pent up resentment, I’ve definitely lost it with him a few times and he’s got better for a few days and then reverted back. I hope things get better for us you, just know you are doing a bloody great job! Feel free to message me:) x

@Abi Thank you, I appreciate this message 🙏🏽 I have warned my partner that when I do go back to work and things dont change, it will be detrimental to our relationship. Im sure I can speak for both of us when I say I know my partner loves me, deeply. And I really dont want to break up with him. But he needs to fix up, before I mentally check out. How are you working on resolving it long term? x

I think it’s good that you’ve told him this prior to going back! Yes I totally get you on this, they really do and I don’t want to either. Me and my partner do have wonderful times together with our little one and have the same outlook on how we want her to be raised, so I knows there’s hope it’s just so hard getting to a point where I feel supported physically. Long term - tbh about 6 weeks after a few back to back KIT days whilst a bad sleep regression, it really came to a head. So a rough week of arguing before telling him that unless he starts to be physically helpful (I’ve kind of given up on the financial help) a lot more in the house and with the child care, than I can and will raise her alone. He has been a lot better since and I’ve felt a lot better due to it, I go back to work full time next week though so we shall see how that all goes! At the moment I’m just hoping that things stay on this track! It’s really not easy though! X

@Abi Thats understandable… I feel close to the edge of eruptive arguments but where Im still not 100% better, I know it will make me worse. My throat is in pieces for example and even crying makes it painful. Today, I just felt like smashing things up in the house, thats where Im at. But obviously I would have to tidy it all so I didnt. Maybe it will have to take me losing my sh*t completely, for him to finally see how serious this is but I dont want to have to do that. I also would prefer not to have to be a single mother, but I already feel like one and know I would be able to carry on without him. I seriously hope things get better for the both of us 🫶🏼

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌