Dad blew me off, my husband doesn't understand

My relationship with my Dad is complicated (and since when is that unusual? Lol) complicated not for the normal reasons, but because he is inconsistent. Ghosts me often then circles back around and is helpful. This has been his thing for the last 15 years and for various reasons. The most reason one caused some tension between my husband and I because he doesn't understand my frustration. He thinks this is just another "it happens, move on" scenario. My Dad was going to drive 3 hours down to our main house for a few hours last week to watch my kids during an appt but it got canceled. Told him we were going up to our cabin which is only an hour from him and gave the four days we would be there so he could just see us then. The only & last thing I heard was "sounds good". Arrive to our cabin and 4 days passed where we never heard from him. I called and texted today asking what happened. Finally heard back this evening with "I've had migraines, sorry sweetie" but migraines for the past 5 days? Couldn't communicate? Or have his wife do so on his behalf? He doesn't normally get migraines, but I have over the years and still managed to call in sick to work, communicate to reschedule plans, now am forced to still take care of my kids w/o help. How hard is it to send a simple fucking text message letting me know you won't be coming to see my kids???? My husband thinks I should be more understanding but my sister and I find this repetitive infuriating lack of communication to be ridiculous.

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My parents are similar to this, but even more extreme. I have just learned they are not dependale and I never believe when they tell me they are going to do something. This has helped me a lot emotionally. So if they actually do follow through and do what they say they would I am shocked. I've learned it is just how they are. I don't rely on them for anything. Just build the village around you that you can depend on. That is what I have done.

He's the same flaky dad you had before you had kids. The kids make it more important for you, but not for him. You don't need to get mad about it, you have the dad you have, but if something is important to you, try to get his wife's number and communicate that way. She may not be able to get him to go, but she might be willing to tell you he's not coming. And be nice, it's hard for her too...

@Bonny he worships the ground she walks on and her family is number 1. She would never allow him to be flakey in her world. I do have her number, she and I just rarely talk. You did hit the nail on the head though, he is the same Dad I had before kids. Thanks for the reminder.

@Ashley hard lesson to learn. I'm sorry you had to deal with that 😕

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