in June 2023 Babies 🇬🇧

MIL knows better than doctors

Curious to know how others would react and feel about a MIL like mine. There’s a long history of her over stepping boundaries and being disrespectful and I mostly bite my tongue to keep the peace but she crossed the line yesterday. My son has had to see a dietitian and a gastroenterologist who we are very lucky is top of his field due to issues opening his bowels more or less since birth. He has advised we go no dairy for 2 months and is also doing an examination and biopsy under general anaesthesia. As if we don’t have enough to worry about MIL has to put in her two cents and “isn’t convinced” that the specialist knows what he’s talking about. She tried to give our son food with cheese in it yesterday and started pushing back when I said he couldn’t eat it saying she couldn’t understand their logic and “a little bit won’t hurt him” He also has glasses but she’s also doesn’t believe he needs them because “how can they even do an eye test at this age”. So if they ever mind him they make zero effort to get him to wear his glasses (which he should be wearing at all times). I’m at the point where I can’t stand being around her and she’s affecting my mental health. They live ten minutes away and are constantly trying to impose. She turned up at our house this morning and asked does she need to come over and water them EVERY DAY. My husband agrees she’s overbearing but is scared to stand up to her and just wants to keep the peace. I think he thinks I’m overreacting but I feel like most people in my position would be losing it at this point too surely. Thanks for anyone who’s got this far just needed to vent and also hopefully hear I’m not going crazy and that she is in fact unbearable 😭

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I have had issues with my MIL with over bearing opinions, comments, turning up unannounced in the past, why don’t we do this/why don’t we do that becoming a little too involved so you’re not alone. Luckily when I ask my husband to tell her he will do it if he hasn’t already said anything. We have an unspoken rule that if it’s my mum I have the word and if it’s his mum he does to avoid awkwardness. I’ve learnt to pick my fights because aside from the above she is very helpful with our LO and she’s great with her but I do think in your case this is a fight worth picking. I’d speak to your husband firstly about how important it is that he’s dairy free and convey that to his mum and if he doesn’t I would take it upon myself to say something it feels like hurting mums feelings shouldn’t come before medical advice about your LO to just keep the peace, I think it needs a stern word but this is something I feel your husband should take on given it’s his mum. Same scenario with the glasses x

I'm so lucky my in laws are amazing it's been my side lol but my little one has cmpa so can't have dairy and we had a little won't hurt, build immunity to it, now and again can't hurt, your been dramatic he can't possibly get that poorly from dairy, it's not that bad it's just a little bit wind.(It's never been wind so no idea why they think that) Or the best is I don't believe he has it. People need educating on stuff now as they are so stuck in the past they don't understand and it annoys me so much. It's hard enough on the parents. It takes nothing to ask about it what they can do to help little one. X

@Mel I’m glad your husband is supportive I feel like that would make such a big difference as my husband should be able to calmly but firmly explain to her and put those boundaries in but in the past when he’s tried she shuts him down and he drops it. So mostly he just nods and stays quiet. He even said ok about the dairy thing and was trying to tell me we could just scrape the top off and give it to our LO. So then I was forced to say something which then escalated, and instead of backing me he told me I shouldn’t have said anything because she had cooked food for DS and he was going to say it next time he saw them. I explained this is nonnegotiable and we needed to nip it in the bud and be very clear but nope, I’m in the wrong apparently

@Lena it’s just the most frustrating thing isn’t it. Like I really don’t care what their opinion is it’s not up for discussion end of. And exactly that, it’s hard enough for the parents without other people trying to stick their nose in. And it’s really not that difficult to just not add dairy to food, it’s a very simple thing to do so why oh why must people push back

It's ignorance I think. I was dairy free when breastfeeding and got told it would make his allergy worse like how? People are crazy lol But if you need some nice bits for your little one the gruffalo chocolate cup cakes and birthday cake from Asda are dairy free and are nice and we just had the magnum chill it's cookies and a little blueberry kind of magnum my little boy loved it x

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