Feel like an ass

It hit me today. I’ve been bitching about my husband. Our love languages are different. He is acts of service and mine is quality time and physical touch. It’s been causing issues but it just hit me. I am so lucky. He pays attention to everything about me. If I order food at a restaurant he’ll tell the waiter to exclude an ingredient I don’t like that I didn’t even notice was in it. He caters to me in the bedroom. He’ll buy me my favorite flowers, not just a bouquet that’s there. I said I needed to stop at the store yesterday and get a Red Bull, he got to the store before me and was waiting in the parking lot with the redbull and a breakfast sandwich. Opens the car door for me every time. Sings me songs. Holds my hand to sleep or I need to be on his chest for him to sleep. I feel like such a selfish brat. I was so wrapped up in “ouR LoVe LaNgUaGES dONt mAtCHhh” that I didn’t see what he was doing this whole time. My kids were at their dad’s the other night, I don’t cook those nights. I made a box of rice not even thinking. He came home from work super late and asked about dinner and I said I just made rice cause no one was here. He ate half a bowl of rice for dinner after working 14 hours. I feel like such a piece of crap. I was rude and said if I can eat it for dinner so can you. I want to try harder to give him what he needs. Just don’t know where to start because acts of service are not my thing

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But my thing either. But maybe start by setting a daily reminder to do 1 thing each day that would be meaningful. Have breakfast in bed for him a regular treat on Mondays and Wednesdays. If you separate chores in your house, do one of his every Tuesday and Thursday..... start with those types of things that you can set reminders for to help get you in the habit of doing little things for him

@Ari I feel like, he’s not as appreciative of things I do because he does these things all the time so to him it’s a given. Or maybe once again I’m a brat and expect all this praise for doing things that are out of my norm. Or maybe I’m just not doing the right things. I’ve been trying to take initiative the last few days. For example- the dummy kept driving through ez pass without an ezpass and they threatened to suspend his registration if he didn’t pay the tolls (he ignored the bills). So I called and paid off the $250 toll debt with my credit card. I keep track of all his major bills and make sure those are paid (with his money). He’s terrible with organization so I do it for him. I did get him a little “drive safe I need you to come home to me” keychain as one of his Christmas gifts a few yrs ago and he hung it in his truck from the visor and it’s been there ever since. He was more appreciative of that $5 thing than anything else. Maybe he likes gifts?

I personally find acts of service the easier way to show your love tbh! Things like making him his favourite meal for dinner when he gets home, getting in the snacks you know he likes, doing his laundry just because you want to, making him a hot drink in the morning, making breakfast/lunch for him for work, and so much more! I can be mad at my fiance, but I'll still buy him an Easter egg or his fave cookies when I go to the shop 😅

Oh girl I feel this hard. My husband's love language is physical touch but I show acts of service. It took a lot of conscious effort to do the little things that matter to him (which are probably what matter to you and might require you to initiate like holding hands or hugging). The recommendation to set timers and start small will really help! Then you can ask for the things that are meaningful. I had to explain to my husband that because words of affirmation are my love language I needed him to tell me WHY something mattered. He might think a hug and sex are enough and not know how to so more but the safer he feels the more he will cater to your need for touch

@Rebecca I would love to do breakfast in bed for him before work. He always stops and gets breakfast on his way to work. It’s hard because we have intimate time most mornings (unless it was a late night) so he’s rushing out the door after. I guess i could wake up earlier to make him breakfast 🥹

I think also just acknowledging that you want to do more and how grateful you are for him and all he does - just by saying it - goes a long way and could be a starting point.

So people can have different love languages on how they like to recieve live versus give love... maybe his GIVING love language is acts of service, but maybe for receivibg, it is gifts?

Just because he wants to GIVE acts of service as his love language doesn't necessarily mean he has to receive love that same way. If it's not your thing, it might not feel as genuine as your own natural ways of expressing. It sounds like that would be good to have a direct conversation to clarify when he feels most loved by you

You could always ask him what would help him feel loved.

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