Advice needed *racism trigger warning*

I'm mixed race and still struggle to know what to say when I hear racism. So don't worry, it's natural to be taken a back or struggle to find confronting words in such situations. The important part is that you're asking for the advice to improve your responses in the future, and even considering speaking to her when you see her. That's so courageous! I'll be following for advice in case this happens to me/ my child as he grows up. Thank you for sharing and wanting to do better 🤍

Honestly id be so shocked i dont think i would know what to say either.

@Beth Thankyou for your kind comment 🫶🏼 i havnt stopped thinking about it since it happened. I still feel the shock when i think about what was said now. I hate that people have to deal with this on a day to day basis? I am going to tell the old lady what her granddaughter said because shes probably thinking why i don’t speak or get involved with the community anymore. I don’t know what i want the outcome to be? But id like her to know the reason. The old lady just wants to build & support a community & she needs to know her family are letting her down!

@Diana I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks this. As I’ve been really getting in my head about how I’ve let them down and i should have spoken up. But i also know i wouldn’t of wanted that man at the playgroup to have heard those comments if i did end up saying something as he was right next to me!

Personally I would be honest. I would tell her what her daughter had said, that you found it offensive and you now feel uncomfortable attending. Id also say you’re worried your partner and daughter may also be judged based on the colour of their skin and you want to protect your daughter from it. I’ve had experiences whereby people have made comments not realising my children are mixed. Ive said something and it’s been followed by “I didn’t mean your children” like that’s supposed to make it ok. My son has came home from school in tears because children have told him they don’t want to play with him “because he is brown” and crying that he doesn’t want to be brown anymore. I was heartbroken. I’ve worked so hard helping him rebuild his confidence and self worth. Reminding him how beautiful his brown skin is. Breaks my heart to think he may face this again at some point in his adult life too. I don’t understand how people can be so disgusting.

@Danielle yeah im going to tell her excactly what was said and im going to make a point how nearly everyone who attends the playgroup is not white and if thats how they think maybe they shouldnt come. As my daughter loves to go so ideally id prefer them not to go. I’ll also be pointing out how its made my partner feel and what hes done for the church out of just kindness. Its honestly such a shame we live in a world like this.

Exactly. Why should your daughter have to miss out because of them?!! It makes me so angry. It’s the confidence these people have though when they say such things like they actually believe it’s ok. It’s also offensive to me that people have looked at me, and then approached me to say such things thinking I would think the same as them! Absolutely vile. I hope when you say it to her she wishes the ground would swallow her up and stops attending so that your family and the other lovely families can enjoy attending church in peace

@Danielle yeah well i wont be saying it to the actual grandaughter who said it but to her grandma who actually runs the playgroup. So will see if she tells them not to come or if anything is done after that? I guess ill get my answer on how much the grandma cares… im also not stupid to know that racism is something people are grown up with so i know her family would have learnt it from somewere so hopefully she actually thinks her grandaughter is wrong and does something about it! I hope that makes sense, sometimes im writting comments down as if im actually having the real conversation in person 😅 Yeah thats why i felt like id let my family down like she felt too comfortable to say that to me. But thats how i know that they must be super racist to be able to say it so casually!

Understood perfectly. I type as I am talking too lol 😂 I agree, racism is learnt behaviour. I would hope she would be embarrassed and ashamed and tell her not to attend anymore. If she doesn’t is there anyone you could take it further to? Because if grandma shares the same values she shouldnt be leading the group for sure! I get that, that’s how I felt too. But it really is that some people do just have these casual conversations as if they’re discussing what to have for dinner later on. They really do make me feel sick. The fact we and others even need to prepare our children for people like this ever, but especially in this day and age is astounding

@Danielle the reason i am telling her is because she has helped me alot to feel part of the community as we were pretty new to this area. She really grew my confidence and i dont want her to just wonder why i stopped coming by! I not sure what the outcome will be or what to expect but i guess from her response / actions i can decide if i will continue to go! Me & my daughter go to 4 other playgroups so she defo wont be missing out on fun! Tbh this playgroup isn’t even great toy / learning / development wise . It was more just about being part of this community as it’s right next to my house. So I just enjoyed supporting that. It wouldn’t be a big loss to me & my family though if we didn’t go. Id be more than happy to go my separate ways Aslong as they knew i dont agree with those views. I think by me speaking out i will feel alot more at peace about the situation! 🫶🏼

I understand that. It’s a shame if you will have to stop attending. Is there another group on your community you can attend? I think it’s nice your community come together and are able to. Mine isn’t the same. And yes speaking out I think will help how you have been feeling. I’m hoping by doing so may educate them too and encourage them to rethink and be better. Maybe they’ve not had anyone speak up before. Can only hope

The vile have begun crawling out of the woodwork because they know that it’s being supported from the VERY TOP on down. I am disgusted by what people of color, people belonging to the LGBTQ+ community, poor people, unhoused people, etc have to go through now, more often than not, on a regular basis. It’s just sickening and I am so so sorry. I absolutely recognize my white privilege, but as several folks above said, my children are biracial and I worry so much for them in today’s world….. Or rather, in Today’s ‘America’……. Just disgusting. 🥺😢 Freezing like that, is completely normal. No sane, decent human being expects words like that to come out of a persons mouth, so when they do it’s shocking! And I have been caught in a similar situation before too. And I froze as well. Unfortunately, as my racist was a completely stranger, I never got my rightful do over. 😠😡😤🤬

@Alissa I’m in the UK and worry so so much about my children being bullied or experiencing racism. More so for my son as he has already experienced it once but also because my daughter doesn’t “look” mixed. Not yet anyway as she’s still so young but she’s very fair skinned with bright blue eyes and blond hair. Though as a girl I have a whole different set of worries. As a woman, her rights being heard, safety when she’s out and about from predators, body image and feeling good enough in comparison to the celebrities she sees in the media. My son it’s being safe as a man in general then added worries about safety as a mixed race man. I know I am going off topic, but having these worries while I am in the UK is difficult enough, I cannot imagine navigating those same worries and being in the US! As I can imagine those same worries would mean so much more!!!

@Danielle It’s scarier than anyone could have ever possibly imagined I think. I grew up reading about Hitler and occupied Germany and nazi’s, always thinking “Thank GOD that’s all in the past, and there’s absolutely NO WAY that ANYONE could ever be dumb enough…… or HATEFUL enough….. to EVER let that happen again…… EVER…….” I was so naive. I’m absolutely terrified that that’s where we’re headed full steam ahead, following behind the Oompa Loompa in charge…. Whether we want to, or not….. 😔🥺😢😭

@Alissa I don’t even know what respond to you, because there’s nothing I can say to even try and console any of those worries. I worry for everyone in the US right now. Women losing their rights, the police not always being the safe help they’re supposed to be and that’s just the tip of the ice berg for you guys and then there’s Trump! There really are no words just hopes and prayers that it will get better