Husband just turned on me

Sounds like my baby father. He’s been treating me like bs. One moment he loves me to death to he wants to kill me another minute. When he can’t get his way he blames me for everything that went wrong in his life. I’m starting to regret making this baby with him. I’ve been going through a lot with him already. He gets angry at me for no reason accused me of things I don’t believe in.

It’s one thing to treat you like this (which is emotional abuse by the way) but to treat your tiny little baby like this when he can’t possibly have done anything wrong is unforgivable. Can you imagine how that’ll make him feel the older he gets and starts to realise he’s being ignored by his dad who he loves. I think you should seriously consider going with your mum, this man doesn’t deserve you both. I’m sure you could absolutely manage on your own because mums find a way of doing whatever it takes, but you shouldn’t HAVE to because you bought this baby into the world together and he shouldn’t be treating you both this way

Staying at home is enforcing that the behaviour towards you and baby is acceptable. You should go with mum. He can pick and choose who he treats this way. And he plays nice with everyone else. It is not his depression. It is his personality. He is being a dick. And frankly deserves a consequence. He doesn’t get to take you and your baby for granted. Stand up now, so you can avoid further escalated scenarios later on. If you put the boundaries in now, it will help your relationship later on. Stay strong x

Is there a possibility that he has post-natal depression? Would he be amendable to getting some help? Of course either way, this does not help how hurt and vulnerable you are feeling. You shouldn’t have to do this alone but knowing you can will help you feel less vulnerable, so some practical tips from a fellow c-section mama: - at five weeks, feeling better from The operation is just around the corner. - if you don’t already have one, invest in a baby carrier. I find that I prefer a structured one for being out and about, but a simple cloth carrier is also great and i prefer this around the house. This way, you can still do things that require two hands whole your baby is in the stage of only feeling happy when held. - you can order a car online and have it delivered if your husband won’t take you to shop for one. - baby will very shortly be capable of being entertained for short bursts of time so you can put them down for a bit. Black and white images are so good for this

- have a little schedule of priorities in your head. You won’t be able to use a timed schedule, but you’ll know that the first time you can put baby down you need to do x - take it easy on yourself. Getting yourself and your baby through the day is enough. You are enough. You are all your baby needs. Nothing meant to be patronising, just trying to show you encouragement that you can do this.

Even if it’s just surviving whilst your husband is at work.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It is incredibly cruel of him to not only do this to you but to your child. I would also advice to go to your mother. I just did 2 under 2 without my husband for 3 months due to him not having the visa permit to stay in Sweden. I also was still recovering from a C section. I stayed with my mother during that time for the extra help. If you have someone who wants to help, let them. Personally I would contemplate whether to ever go back to a man like that but that is your decision. But for both your peace of mind, and your baby's, let your mother help IMO. I also agree with above, this isn't depression, this is emotional abuse.

What argument could possibly have caused such a 180 in someone? I’m assuming he’s not done this before? The silent treatment and ignoring you? It’s shocking that he’s kept this up for 3 days! It’s one thing to ignore an adult, but a frickin newborn baby? The fuck is wrong with him?! 🥴

He is being emotionally abusive and having depression is not an excuse to treat you or others this way. He may not realise what he’s doing but something needs to change. Growing up with a father who behaves like this will result in relationship issues for your child as they’ll never feel secure in relationships for fear of doing something to upset their friend/partner. Dad needs to change! I would go stay with your Mum for a while and allow him work through it as you shouldn’t be dealing with this during your postpartum period you should be focusing on the bond with your baby

So so sorry you’re going through this. Sometimes as women we ignore the red flags time and time again. My advice would be to really consider if you can stay with a man who makes you feel this way time and time again. Being shut out or ignored is emotional neglect and it makes a person feel like absolute sh*t. Why would you want to feel like this whilst raising a tiny human. We don’t know his other attributes, maybe his qualities outweigh this negative behaviour. But from what you have written I would really think long and hard about staying with him. Your wellbeing comes first.

I’m going to be very direct with you; if a man can switch off his own feels to his 5 week baby then he isn’t a man you should even be wasting a thought on. If I were you I would pack everything and go back to your mums for the time being until you sort somewhere else out for you both to live. Break free from any financial ties, give your baby a chance of having a happy healthy upbringing because he sounds like a complete selfish, ignorant waste of space. Save yourself and your child

Thanks all for the comments. I just know his depression was so bad that he was in a mental health unit for 9 weeks at one stretch and 4 weeks again. This was last year and the year before and I’ve supported him through this. I know a few weeks ago he was saying he was struggling and struggling with our bickering but mainly his brother screwed him over financially big time and he is sorting that out and has anger and sadness that his brother did this to him. But also hear what you’re saying as I would give any other women the same advise is to end it.

@Elisha I second this, I'm not disputing depression but it seems very isolated and selective as you have stated he works and socialises outside the house. So my question would be what about yourself makes him feel 'depressed' (this is not me attributing blame to you) his low mood seems to be 'strategically' aimed at everything that is a direct extension of you. An argument created this......slight Narcissism possibly, maybe. Take the time with your mom, lift your spirits, have some you time, let him have the peace he so requires.....

Go with your mom. You shouldn't accept his behavior towards you and your kids. Depression doesn't justify you to be his punching ball. He can have treatments for that. Go with your mom and tell him you may come back when he is cool down and under treatment for his depression. And when that day comes, you LL have to have a serious talk about that and make sure it doesn't happen ever anymore. You are vulnerable and you should be taken care off. If he behave this way in front of your mom, I can't imagine how this could be without her around. Protect yourself and your baby and go with your mom.

Sorry but the more I read this the more messed up I think this is! How can he be blaming a newborn and refusing to care for him because you’ve had an argument is insane. Is he going to be horrible to your kids every time you guys disagree? Honestly unless he sees the error of his ways I’d leave him, he doesn’t deserve you or his son if this is how he’s going to behave

He is being emotionally abusive by giving you and baby the silent treatment, he’s also being a neglectful parent and partner as well. If he can’t get through an argument without acting like this, is this really a partner you’d want for life? As your child gets older, he will see this behaviour, become affected by it negatively, and think it’s normal. Also, pls don’t keep constantly asking him anything, just do you, take care of you and baby.

Giving you the silent treatment is one thing, it's passive aggressive, childish and emotionally abusive. Ignoring your 5 week old crying baby is downright f*cked up and neglectful. You don't deserve to be treated like that and your child definitely doesn't deserve to be ignored, go with your mother xx

Thanks all for your advice. I don’t want to leave my own house which I largely pay for and I have slogged my guts out to turn into a beautiful home. Also I have doctors appointments etc in the next week or two so I can’t really go with my Mother. However, the thought of him carrying this on and behaving like a tenant and ignoring us is making my blood boil and fills be with grief :(