This is harder than I thought

So he confronted me about it after his family left and got in my face asking how that made his daughter feel. That I shouldn’t have went to get my baby passive aggressively, because his daughter already had the baby. But my baby was crying so hard that I couldn’t even hear her let her cry out. She started and then went silent so of course I went over to her.

I said im her mom. I don’t care how anyone else feels. (Wasn’t even thinking about anyone else at the time, just my baby)

So there’s been other problems like that and I’ve just became very resentful of his daughter and it’s ruining our relationship

It’s not her baby it’s not her responsibility to take care of your child. Even if she doesn’t mind helping. Can’t help but say for some it’s a cultural thing but I see it a bit like grooming

@Chelsey Mirabel I agree 100% He says he wants her to feel included in everything and helpful so she doesn’t feel jealous.

So I guess he wants her to have a superior role of “big sister” instead of just a normal sister bond. We were at his family’s house and his 16yr old nephew wanted to hold the baby. His daughter was sitting on the couch with her and I heard him asking as I was walking by. So I said oh you want to hold the baby it’s ok you can hold her. His daughter looked panicked like I just caught her not giving my baby to him. I got my daughter and let him hold her. Later my husband and his daughter come downstairs (we were downstairs) anytime something is wrong, he pulls her aside and talks to her. So they came down and his other niece asked if she could hold the baby. He told her only if his daughter says it’s ok. Later on he told me I was being passive aggressive and there’s no need to be passive aggressive with his daughter. He can already picture how I took my daughter from her.

To not ruin their family dynamic there. She’s superior over everybody there. That one time his 15 yr old niece had to sit in the backseat so his 8 yr old daughter (at the time) could sit in the front seat with her dad.

Maybe it is a cultural thing. I come from a Hispanic background and he comes from a black family.

“If my daughter says you can then you can”. How does a 9 year old have say over your child. Does he realize this baby is also a living being and not a possession? He needs to quit catering to his daughter in such a way because I am left to feel like he’s 100% grooming his own child. What a creep. Please help YOUR daughter. I’d hate to watch this all unfold would make me so uncomfortable.

I have this weird feeling you know at first I thought it was cute that they were close, but I didn’t realize how close they were. Until we moved in together and of course, at first, he didn’t show it as much. But he always likes making her feel superior to other kids like my kids. He keep her some kind of understanding that if the kids are being loud or playing altogether, including her, he would call her and tell her to tell the kids to settle down now. So I started noticing this pattern with her. One day she seemed to very bothered that she was getting in trouble and he told her remember what I told you you’re not in trouble. So now she feels like she can’t ever be wrong and she’s so competitive with other kids. Him and his mom over spoiled and over cater to her. His mom is the exact same way to her.

We were at his mom’s house and his daughter had her little friend over from school. They were swimming together. He walked inside the house and he said I think she’s done and over playing with her now laughing about it. His mom said oh really she went outside and told the girl that it was time for her to go home. The little girl was walking home. The mom came back inside the house proudly and instead it’s that easy. And he laughed about it because he loves seeing his daughter, be spoiled. The daughter came inside the house and she was upset that the grandma told her friend to go home. So the grandma said I’m sorry, baby. You want me to call her. She’s still close she she’s walking. I can go call her. His daughter said I wanted to eat with her and still hang out with her so the grandma ran outside and called her back to hang out and offered her food.

Not just that, but there’s so many things that have made me uncomfortable and he says that everybody else makes things weird and over sexualizes everything that what he does is very innocent. It’s his daughter and that’s his baby. We were in the shower together when I was pregnant he was scrubbing me and he said I used to scrub my daughter all the time I used to help her shower. I need to do that with her again. She was already nine years old. They have a very close relationship where she will call him inside the shower because she needs something. It’s very weird. I have a closer relationship with my kids, but not that close.

Because while I made dinner, she would either warm herself up a cup of noodles or macaroni and cheese or snack on chips, then eat dinner and then after dinner, she always goes back to the kitchen to have snacks. In the morning, she packed snacks for school and it’s always chips so we stopped buying them because it’s a real problem she doesn’t like the food at school so she calls her grandma to drop off a lunch for her or call her mom to DoorDash her food

But I never brought this up in front of his daughter or to her it was really all with good intentions. As her stepmom, I’m not gonna just sit back and let it happen because she’s not my kid. But he did log into my Instagram and he saw me and my best friend talking about his daughter. This was after the blowup with my baby falling. I vented to her and over share some stuff with her.

His daughter sent naked pictures to someone on Omegle and I was immature. I said she was gonna end up pregnant at 16 like her mom.

So I was very upset and talking bad about her, but I never said any of this in front of her

I’m sorry I just went on a rant. I just feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I feel like I can’t get him to understand that the relationship should be different with her. He doesn’t have to treat us equally. He can still be loving and caring towards her but as a father daughter thing, but seems like they’re messed and he wants to treat us both me like a wife and her like a girlfriend. It’s caused so much strain in our relationship and he just gets overly defensive.