would this make me a bad mom?

My thoughts “the Easter bunny isn’t real and he doesn’t need or want anything” your wish are my commands 😂 you’ll get nothing while your sister gets an Easter basket 🤷‍♀️

Exactly what Candice said. You don’t need it if you can’t behave and you think he’s not real anyway.

I would spoil the heck out of your daughter for Easter & not give him anything. That’ll really open his eyes hopefully.

I think you should put yourself in his shoes. You’d want the person consistently punishing you instead of trying to communicate and understand you disappear. It’s hard being a parent. It’s even harder when you were not taught how to listen or show compassion when we were children ourselves

Also as someone with ADHD…aggression and lack of emotional control is a symptom. Show compassion

I recommend you read “how to talk so little kids will listen”. It’s fanastov read and can really help mend the relationship you have with your son. TBC you aren’t a bad mom, you’re just missing resources

I think you should be looking at the cause of these behaviors instead of just trying to punish. Is he in therapy?

ADHD is not just a disability that causes hyperactivity. If you’re not getting to the root of the problem you’re just causing a new trigger

Your child shouldn’t be punished for existing. ADHD is difficult to manage, even for adults, so your child needs more understanding and compassion from you. I would not view it as tolerating his misbehaviour but as learning how he expresses himself. Neurodivergent brains literally work differently to neurotypical ones, and a lot of work and support is needed from adults to help children manage that. The comments encouraging that you exclude him and teach him a lesson are so damn sad to see. He’s just a child trying to cope with big emotions.

As someone with ADHD, I don't see following through with your statement that the Easter Bunny doesn't bring things to good kids as excluding him or teaching him a lesson - you're teaching him that you say what you mean and follow through with consequences. BUT don't take it to the extreme and spoil his siblings, he just doesn't get anything this year because you told him if he wasn't good he won't get anything. NEVER give a possible consequence if you have no intention of following through. If he can behave at school, for his dad, and his siblings, you need to find out what about being with you causes him to behave this way. ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior. I would recommend having him in therapy if he isn't already, maybe even family therapy.

It wouldn’t make you a bad mom but it’s definitely not the “right” parenting move if you’re looking for meaningful change and reconnection. I’m an adult with adhd and I can say the most depressing part of my childhood and part that caused the biggest rift in my relationship with my mom was because she never met me at a place of trying to understand where I was coming from, never even asked me questions about why I was feeling or doing something she only talked AT me and dealt out punishments that she deemed necessary and none of it came from a place of neurodivergent education or actual empathy. I’m not saying that’s your case but there’s SOME reason why your son acts like an angel at school with teachers and even different with everyone else in the family including your husband. Something about the way you react to his behavior triggers him, i would definitely recommend therapy if that’s something feasible for your fam

@Merari confused why you assume i’ve not attempted to communicate. you’re acting as if i’m just punishing just to punish him lol. i’ve tried talking to him, i’ve sat him down for months to try and get answers out of him as to why he treats me this way and still continue to do so. he refuses to talk to me or anyone else for that matter. all he’ll do is shrug his shoulders or say “because i can” or “because im a big boy.” i do show compassion, again, confused where that assumption comes from. i know how to talk to my son, my son won’t talk to me. yes he has adhd but he is also given loads of resources and we take advantage of those resources and he still behaves this way. he doesn’t get a free pass for having adhd, sorry.

I have ADHD & I suspect my 5 year old does as well, but he doesn’t behave like this. He’s actually obsessed with me. He’s constantly “I need you mommy!” ADHD doesn’t explain the behavior displayed here. This could potentially be ODD.

I have a child with ADHD it’s not easy but he’s telling you he’s triggered or disregulated I know it doesn’t make you feel better but ND brains work differently and can’t always cope or express the real reasons behind their behaviour

@Aggs spot on!

No ur being a great mum standing your ground. Parents who give in cus it's easier to give in just keep struggling with the unwanted behaviour. I think stand ur ground but also have a good think about other ways to reach him. Do you need to explain what you want from him better, use pictures or create an anger outlet like giving him an actual punching bag and tell him to go spend x amount time with it and then come back and try talking to u again once he's released that angry energy? Anger and frustration are difficult feelings to find healthy coping mechanisms for and the face that he's taking it out on you means you are his safe person, he is trusting you with all these feelings, showing u what he's struggling with. You have to find a way to find the root cause of them, in my opinion. Has something changed, is he anxious about something, has he been introduced to a new thing, cyber bullying etc?

@Katie i’m not doubting the diagnoses he has, i know he has it. he’s been diagnosed for over a year, exhibiting symptoms of it for years. they told me aggression is an unfortunate side affect of it a lot of kids have. he scored extremely high on the questionnaire at our pediatrician so im well aware of what he has

I understand you’re frustrated and angry. It’s a complicated and sensitive situation and to have an outsider give you their POV is unsettling. However, that’s what you asked for when you posted this poll. An outsiders POV. I want it to be clear that I did not in fact say that you do not try to communicate. I wouldn’t know. I don’t even know your name. But based on the story you posted, it seems my observation is consistent. You using the Easter bunny as a punishment or taking away the things that give him security is not communication or connection. I also want to clarify that there are different ways to communicate. You can speak down to him or speak with him. what you choose is up to you. In the end, your child sounds like he sending out a cry for help and is looking for connection. You can defend yourself to strangers or you can look @ ur actions 4rm outside of you and use the resources that have been given to you by others in the thread and heal your relationship with your son

Sitting him down and asking him questions is simply an interrogation. Like I said, if you were in his shoes, how would you want someone to talk to you? We all think we know what we are doing but the reality is we don’t. We are all just trying to figure it out are we go. We can learn and adapt and be better. Finally, the resources are not just for him they are for you to facilitate his already difficult journey through a nuero typical world. @Daija ,@Aggs , @Dana Lew and I are giving you our experiences as people who are in his shoes. Take it or leave it. I wish you and your son the best.