How to move on?
Hey. Sorry in advance if this is kinda long. So about a year and a half ago I found out my husband was secretly having long talks with a female friend of his and meeting up with her to go the gym and out to lunch sometimes. For background we’ve been married 14 years and this female friend of his is married. Anyway when I finally found out about it through some detective work of my own, due to some other issues he brought into our relationship, he repeatedly said it was nothing and that they are just friends and he wanted our families to get together and be friends. Yet he carried on a secret relationship with her and her contact was under an alias in his phone. Anywho he says it was always friendly and there was just innocent flirting but never anything serious and he does not like her like that. BUT he has never been able to show me texts or anything to prove it and I’ve never talked to her about it. So he said he would completely cut it off right then, then 6 months later on his birthday I find more messages from her on snap where they are not only flirting but she’s talking bad about me and he’s not defending me. So then again he tells me it’s not what it looks like he is completely cutting it off with her. I haven’t found anything else and aside from him telling me a few days ago that they occasionally say hi how’s the family on snap maybe once a month there’s been nothing new. But I can’t seem to move on or let it go. I tried to get him to go to marriage counseling with me and he refuses. He won’t really talk it through with me and he still has not offered free access of his phone to regain trust. I just don’t know how to move on and put it in the past. I keep thinking in the back of my head that they still talk and their bad talking me. I know they don’t meet up anymore for sure, but I really don’t even want them talking and I feel like he should respect that given the history. What do I do? How do I move on? I’ve even considered messaging her, it honestly don’t even know what I would say. I feel like this has put a boulder in our marriage and I don’t know how to move it. 😩
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sorry you’re going thru this . he’s gas lighting you . your husband should respect you enough to cut all ties with her & being she’s turned into a frequent topic .. he chose his side . you deserve sm better . i think you should leave him .. but ofc the choice is yours . supporting you regardless 🌻🫶🏾
I would consider leaving and/or having a conversation about what he wants to do moving forward, he has lied to you, gaslighted you into thinking it was nothing more than a friendly relationship, and even going as far as letting somebody speak badly about you. I personally wouldn’t want to be with somebody who does that. Given the opportunity he would probably take it further than that especially since they’ve been openly flirting and both being in not only a relationship but married. I would gather all the evidence you can and decide on what you want to do since the ball is in your court.