International Cheater

So my husband of 5 years travels to Bali for work regularly. A week before delivering my second baby I received a message from a woman over in Bali stating she had been sleeping with my husband. She told me he was on tinder and ghosted her. He posed as being single with no children. When I first found out I kicked him out but because I don’t want to share custody with him as he is unfit to look after our children on his own and I don’t want to have to work and miss out on my babies growing up I have to stay with him. Here is the biggest issue- my kids and I are suffering for what he did. Everyone knows what he did. He took it upon himself to tell everyone we know once I found out! Now I am isolated at no one wants to see him or be around him and I’m now having to have two different events for my kids. One where he is present and one with my family and whatever friends I have left. I’m lonely and I’m broken for my kids suffering. And no had I left him things would be the same for me, actually worse! I guess I’m after some encouragement or cheer squad really to get me to the finish line. The finish line is my kids being grown so we don’t have to do the custody/ shared care/ potential step mother crap !

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I grew up in an unstable household. My parents fell out due to my father’s alcoholism and constant disappearances, but she stayed until they divorced when I was 13 and my brother was 11. My mother and I talk a ton about it all now. We’ve gone through so many versions of our relationship as we both heal from the past. What we can confirm is that it was almost worse to stay then it would have been to have left earlier. For her, and for us. We were all exhausted, emotionally emptied, and as kids: we learned to live in an highly unstable, high stress environment that absolutely translated into how we had relationships in the future. You might make it to that finish line but the costs of living in an environment of constant unease and secrecy will live on well into your kids adulthood. I KNOW you’re doing your very best. ♥️ Just something to consider, coming from a child who had to go through something similar.

Did you know as a child what was going on? For example we play happy family when the kids are awake and I actually never bring anything up I suffer silently! I fear they will know what’s going on before they are old enough to understand

So sorry you are going through this. It’s so heartbreaking especially when you have children involved & you deserve way better. Is there any family that can support you? Do you think you can recover from his unfaithfulness and truly move on? I too had something similar with the father of my child. He cheated on me multiple times and I kept wanting to stay for the sake of our young daughter and I kept thinking I could stay with him- I was suffering so much I felt like I wasn’t present as I couldn’t get over it. My friends and family knew I deserved better and didn’t like him for what he did to me so I could never do anything with him and them. For my own mental health and for my daughter I left. He was never going to change, some men change but this man I was with would probably have cheated on me forever and I didn’t want to waste any more of my years or my daughters year pretending to play happy family with a man who didn’t value us.