When everything is no
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I agree with the above comment about co-regulation however sometimes it’s okay to tell your child off too (and don’t feel bad about it!) You are the parent and you have to be the parent and that means being firm and clear, sometimes a raised voice is needed to maintain boundaries. Ultimately you are only human, not a robot - you do have feelings too and you are entitied to them. He is also entitled to his feelings and he is allowed to cry too. That’s okay and you shouldn’t try and prevent his big feelings. They are something he needs to learn how to deal with. I wouldn’t apologise as it undermines your authority but empathise with him (I know it’s difficult when Mummy says no.. etc) and when he’s calm, clearly explain why his behaviour wasn’t ok and what he can do differently next time. Behaviour is communication so maybe putting in some ‘connection play time in together’ to create more positive experiences.
Also if you feel like you’ve said a lot of ‘no’s, try saying no in a diff way like giving two choices of what he can do it. Like ‘ you brush your teeth or mummy brush your teeth, you choose’ - it’s a good way of staying in control but letting them feel like they have a say Children having melt downs is unfortunately completely normal, hang in there. Hopefully it will be a short phrase. I recommend the book ‘Good Inside’ By Becky K
I’m just here to say had that same kind of day with my 3.5 year old , actually every morning for 2 weeks has been a bit of a struggle but tonight after school was the biggest everything resulted in a meltdown and i definitely lost it and still feel terrible about it . I would get her calm then she would do something else like threw the book on the floor bc she got frustrated , it was non stop from 3:30 until she fell asleep at 6 , Fridays are so hard for us bc it’s a long week , she won’t nap anymore at school that’s the biggest issue bc she is sooo overly tired . It’s hard really hard , I just usually end up apologizing for getting frustrated and yelling at her , but sometimes it’s just impossible
Thank you everyone for your replies. The strategies mentioned for the most part I do usually do, and did do on the day but nothing seemed to work, for either of us. He’s an incredibly bright boy who’s got the memory of an elephant and sometimes when I suggest we do our breathing together or distract him, it doesn’t work he’s just smarter than me 😂 @Jacqueline I really feel you, it’s always a Friday for us too, he’s in nursery on Thursday so Fridays are always a little tricky so we have to be a bit slower with our play and take it a bit easier but I’ve just never experienced it to the degree I did the other day. It’s good to know I’m not alone and I really appreciate all your help and support! X
Apologise to him for how you handled it. Lots of cuddles. Closeness. Co regulation. Deep breaths would calm you and them - resets the nervous system. If you are getting overwhelmed then get silly. Say something random like look at the orange sky. Incorrect sentences make them want to correct you which can defuse tears or a tantrum. The other option is to name the emotions - you are feeling frustrated because.... When I feel frustrated I take deep breaths then model it. Give simple choices so that they feel like they have some control.