in New single mums / mums struggling/ single mums

Missing my abusive x but too scared to go back

I know this is going to sound stupid and I can already preempt the responses il receive. But, I miss my abusive ex who’s basically done so much to me from strangling me, punching me, hitting, smashing my flat, laptop and mobile phone. I share a 3 year old daughter with him there’s a RO against him prohibiting him from having direct and indirect contact with us. I haven’t dated anyone since him and I’m obv missing that closeness, intimacy but I wouldn’t risk going back because I know il either die or have my child taken away from me by social services. I’m also 40 still living with my parents because the flat I have is where he’s previously stayed before and he’d easily be able to access me if I moved back in. I suppose I just hate feeling like this, never imaged id be a single mum at 40 still living with my parents. I work full time so it comes in handy living with my family, as it’s means I get child care on the days my daughters at nursery. But how do I get out this shitty emotional situation ???

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I think the biggest thing is understanding that it’s completely normal to crave a family unit when you have a child, so it’s normal to miss a relationship. But you have to think of your child’s safety as well as your own. You will meet someone when you least expect it, but for now you have to just remember you’re doing everything you can to keep yourselves safe. Stay strong! X

Dm me luv

If you believe in God even if you don’t you can try it maybe 😇 Pray to Jesus to remove that stronghold that you have towards that partner and ask to be released. Cover yourself with the blood of Christ and anytime you get any itch, say I rebuke it in the name of Jesus. 💗

I’ve been there so I do understand. It’s really hard and the do gooders that say it’s so easy to walk away don’t make it any easier. Here’s a few things to understand that may help you in your journey. First when we’re in a relationship even a good one the addiction parts of our brains fire up. That’s right relationships increase your happy hormones and are physically like an addiction that you have to break. This is worse in dv relationship as you rely on their good mood to survive and not be physically hurt. The human has 4 main stress responses flight, fight, freeze and fawn. Fawn is like people pleasing and the response you’ll be in along with an u healthy attachment style to the abuser. These are all natural survival instincts. Please stay strong. You will come out the other side if grief and you and your child are worth it. Seeing that is not healthy to their development even if they’re not touched themselves.

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