Am I in the wrong?

Nope you do what is best for you and your husband. The main thing is you both are happy. It's not your friends call. Never know how you are going to feel, you may want noone over.

I’d do what you feel works best for you and not worry about whether grandparents feel annoyed that they met the baby 24 hours after the other set of grandparents. What do they think is going to be different in that 24 hours? The baby isn’t aware who they are, they’re not picking favourites yet 🤷🏻‍♀️ both sets of grandparents should be prioritising your recovery over their own wants! And if that’s not the case, they’re not being supportive of either you or your husband, and all the more reason to have them wait! Of course they’re excited, but the baby isn’t going anywhere x

Nope, allow yourself the recovery time. Especially if they're grandparents (like all of my sons' are) that won't do any help in the house, and just want snuggles with baby. You need time to adjust to your new life, and having had major surgery you're going to need longer. In terms of order of people seeing the baby, just do what you want. My parents were around first, because a) they were looking after our dog and he came home, and b) they wanted to check that their daughter who had been through a c-section was ok

Absolutely not!! Apart from my immediate family so my brother and my mum who we live with, no one will be meeting my baby for at least 3/4 weeks, my partner has agreed with me on this, I don't think my partners family will agree but it's our baby and if they have an issue they won't meet him full stop! I want that time to bond with our baby ourselves as my partner is taking a month off to be with us for a month too! It's your baby your choice! I've told people plenty of time before hand I think they don't think I'm serious so I'll expect an argument when we tell them once he's here but if they can't respect my decision they won't see my child family or not! X You need to put yourself first and your recovery! C sections are especially harder to recover from as it is you don't need everyone over right away! X

Do what's best for you and your husband, and if someone is upset because they didn't meet the baby first - that's a them problem not a you problem 🫶

@Zoe so my in-laws are looking after the dog but I’ve asked my husband to go and pick her up from theirs because I’ll want to see her but I won’t be ready for guests. I’m really comfortable around my mum so if I feel ready for visitors if she came over she wouldn’t hesitate to make teas or do something like clean the kitchen for me. I don’t feel I can ask my in-laws to do that? Either way while I know it’s our baby the first person I’m Gonna wanna see when I’m ready is my mum but yeah, my friend thinks I’m being unfair? And the comment she said about it being his baby too felt a bit like a slap in the face. All of my other mum friends have told me to put my healing first (I’m naturally a people pleaser) 😅

Your baby your rules! I’ve had similar issues when I’ve said I want to space people out so I’m not overwhelmed all in one hit. End of the day it’s yours and your partners baby, no one is entitled to them but you therefore people need to deal with the boundaries you both set. Like you said, if you change your mind then you can ring them up but don’t let anyone sway you! My mum called me selfish for wanting two days with no visitors, I do think it’s slightly generational too but makes me want to push it to 5 to be honest 😂

@Sadie honestly it's all about what you are happy with at first. Yes, it is Dad's baby and he has the stress of figuring out how to parent too, I'm not undermining that. BUT it is your body that has to go through the birth, and societal pressure is still more on the Mums too. They've got years to see their grandchild, an extra day or two of waiting more than anybody else shouldn't be an issue.

Prioritise you. You’ll have just given birth, if you want your mum you want your mum. He can share a moment with his mum after, but at the end of the day you’re recovering and i think how you’re treated and how much space you get to process in the initial days after having baby correlates a lot with how well you cope x

Completely up to you. Yes the baby is both of yours. BUT your parents, especially your mum is probably very eager to see YOU, not just the baby. You are her baby after all and you’ll have been through a huge ordeal. Someone in the comments has said they’d be miffed if they knew they were second to see the baby to their daughter in law’s parents, and that it would cause a rift - I say wind your neck in. My parents live back home in Wales and I’m undecided if I want my mum at the birth or not. But if I don’t have her there for the birth - I would want to see her before I see anyone else - even his parents who live 20 minutes away.

I also plan to do this, everyone will have their opinions but like everyone else has said you do what’s best for you and your little family. You may change your mind but whatever you decide it should be respected by everyone

Do you know what I regret with my first? Listening to other people’s wants above my own. I wanted the same, I wanted time just me, baby and partner and people told me I’d regret it/change my mind etc and people started inviting themselves over and I HATED it. I spent so much time crying, pulled my stitches, someone wore strong perfume which transferred to my baby (another rule broken) and someone came with the tail end of a cold so baby got really sick. The people that all rushed to come over weren’t there to see me or help, they wanted to be hosted while they held the baby. I sincerely feel that these early days were a significant contribution to my PPD and PPA. This time, I’m banning visitors and I’ve affirmed it to my husband. Yes, it is his baby too, but I am healing and my priority is our family bond. Everyone else can wait until we are all ready.

I was told by a colleague that you should only let someone come at the start if they're going to either provide some kind of support, or be of some help. Otherwise they shouldn't come over until you invite them You need to do what feels right for you and your family. Quite frankly, if family members/friends get offended then they need to evaluate their own priorities. I spoke to my husband on this exact topic, and said WE needed to agree what our boundary was, to which he said it's totally down to me but that we didn't need to declare it. I'm more like you and think it's good to put the intention out there, but we'll work through that one! I am leaning towards 2 weeks of no one except maybe both of our sets of parents, but not for long periods of time and only if they're providing other help too (my mum is the queen of batch cooking so I know she'll come with food and clean everything even without asking!). It's a minefield, but I think this is really the time where you can be completely selfish.