I’m so tired going through this…

So me and my bd got back together and lately we’ve become distant. We had an argument the other night he said a lot of hurtful shit like I don’t know how to be a woman and how I’m dry asf down there and the sex and head is wack and how any female would be lucky to have someone like him and he never apologized for it but I kinda brushed it off. Today he came back from an appointment and didn’t even hug me or anything, just said not to touch the food he bought. He used to hug me all the time and pick me up now it’s become less of that. He’s mad because I mentioned wanted to go on vacation but didn’t mention anything about him being there. So he tells me I treat him like shit all because I said I don’t want you to be miserable while you’re on vacation with me because I know him. He gets upset about it and he just tells me to shut tf up so I go back resume to the movie I was watching and he still upset. I ask him if he can hand me the kids tablet so they can watch something and he tells me I need to stop treating him like shit and I said how am I treating you like shit all bc I want a solo vacation? He say I don’t care about him and never include him in anything but I feel as if he doesn’t really enjoy doing things with me. I see it all over his face and anytime we go out we end up arguing and one time he told me he hates going out with me, he hates being with me in general. I told him he’s always mad for nothing and always taking shit out on me when I did nothing to you! I said you need to stop blaming everyone around you for your problem and he said I am his problem and then said he’s mad because he has to be stuck with me. And I said if you feel that way then why not just leave and then he throws a pillow at my head and before I started crying I just got up and left. I’m so tired of going through this idk if it’s me but I know for a fact it ain’t just me, it’s the both of us and I tell him this and he says no it’s just you! I’m always the problem. I’m tired of being the only one that takes accountability and I don’t see us lasting a long time. I am just sooo tired of going through this idk why I still love this man and I hurt all the time I’m just so tired