in March 2025 Babies 🇬🇧

Default parent - overwhelming

I’m almost 3 weeks post partum. Does anyone else feel a bit jealous of the freedom their male partner has? Yesterday evening my partner had his friend round for a few drinks and so I was doing all of the childcare even though we didn’t really discuss it. He thinks because he was still home that he was helping with the baby. Then this morning he got up and left the baby with me in the bedroom. He thinks he’s giving me a lay in but he doesn’t realise that I’m feeding and watching the baby the entire time so it’s not exactly free time for me. Then this afternoon he’s met his other friends for lunch and so I’ve been left watching the baby again. He’s gotten home and I’ve just had a complete meltdown because I feel like I haven’t even had time to cook or have a shower. Don’t get me wrong, he is hands on when he does watch her but I think he just doesn’t really think about the fact that he can’t just see his friends as much / there needs to be equal time off for both of us now that she’s born. I love being with my baby but I just feel completely overwhelmed.

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Typical! Some men have kids but don’t leave the old life behind!! It’s so unfair on you!! I’m sorry

I’d talk to him about this so it doesn’t continue as baby gets older! My husband and I both have the same level of freedom (for lack of a better word) and our lives have changed in pretty much the exact same way since we had our first in 2023. Don’t get me wrong, I was still technically the default parent as I was the one on mat leave so automatically did more with our daughter however if either of us want to see friends/go anywhere etc, we can say to the other ‘I’m doing this on this day’ with the understanding that the other one will be watching the children. He may just not realise how exhausting it is caring for a baby all day every day, so I’d chat with him about needing time to yourself/time for hobbies, seeing friends etc, and explain that it’s important for you to be able to do that too so therefore he needs to do his part with the baby when you need that time.

I've found it really difficult not being able to drive after my c section and my partner just goes off sometimes not realising I literally can't go anywhere at the moment without him taking me.

I totally get where you are coming from. I’ve had to have a few chats with my husband about this exact thing. It’s so hard as I get how hard it is to accept that life has changed and that he is struggling to adapt but I don’t think that men necessarily realise that while they have time to adapt, women don’t. It feels like we suddenly have to be responsible for another person and their needs instantly become more important.

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