From marriage to roommates

My child is 15 months old and I’m struggling. My husband works a lot, comes home late and works in the evenings until late at night (this is something out of his control at the minute due to how demanding his work is, he’s in the military so the jobs need doing) we barely see each other anymore which in turn means we have no time for one another anymore. I feel like a single parent. When he is home he’s taking work calls or on his laptop, we’re never intimate anymore, we don’t act like a couple and it’s really upsetting. I’ve brought this up to him and been honest about how I’m feeling and the response I get is ‘I can’t help it, the work needs doing’ which I totally get. I’m just wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat? We see each other for a few hours on a night but don’t really interact much and the roommate phase is really upsetting me. I’m pouring everything I have into being a mother and making sure the house is tidy all the time, meals are cooked, dogs are looked after so my husband can come home and have less to do… and I just feel like I’m getting nothing back? As selfish as that sounds. My cup is empty. I don’t know what to do… I can feel us drifting apart, he’s been away for a week with work and usually I really really miss him and I notice a difference with him not being in the house… as bad as it sounds it didn’t feel much different to when he is here, which I think speaks volumes. I hate to complain as he’s working so hard and he’s a lovely person so I don’t want people thinking he doesn’t care, he does.. it’s just so hard trying to balance everything.

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My son is 10 months, and it's been like this since his birth unfortunately, so I totally get it. My husband is a prison guard. He used to work 4pm-12:30am and I wouldnt get off work till 5. Now he works 12am-8:30am and I have to be at work at 8. He wakes up at 9pm for work. I rarely see him as he's either sleeping for work or upstairs playing a video game. All the baby stuff and housework falls on me, especially as one of his buddies just got told his wife wants a divorce so he's helping him through that (which I 100% approve of). But wish he was a little more present in our relationship

@KC It’s so hard isn’t it as you just feel like as each day goes by you drift further and further apart. I don’t know what the answer is with it at the moment, i feel so burnt out everyday and it’s extremely lonely when you feel like you don’t get anything back from your husband :(

I agree. I get zero time with him. We basically have to schedule being intimate for when a grandparent has him, but then that takes away from my cleaning time as well. We have started planning date times on one of his days off about once a month though. And I force him to get off the game and spend time with his son

I’m rooting for you guys. My fiancé works 6pm to 4am and I’m 8 months pregnant. I’ve been getting a little anxious thinking about what it’ll be like when our son is here because he sleeps most of the day and I don’t want us to not have time together. I wish you the best, I hope you guys can find some alone time, he’s working but he should try and make you a priority too.

I think the majority of couples go through this stage. I did when my first was born and we’re going through it again with the second. We got through it the first time and I know we’ll get through it again. It’s a really shitty time but just persevere. Nothing like this lasts forever

This honestly is absolutely normal, and I think most couples go through this, without a demanding job on top also! Try and think about this as a season of your marriage and not it's forever...things do get better and calm down, 15 months is still in the trenches when I think back ! Myself and my husband work shifts so I get it, as we are ships in the night sometimes ! Keep faith, do things that are simple but will bring joy for you both, and know that things should hopefully get better

My son is 14 months and I feel like I could have written this post myself. I definitely am right there with you so mainly here for the comments, which are encouraging. It was nice to stay up late and watch a movie together the other night. Even grocery shopping together was fun and we got to do a work out together this week. I think you just have to be really intentional about making time for each other and just appreciate more the time you do have. Hopefully things will get better!

Thank you for your comments everyone ❣️ they’ve made me feel a bit more positive. Hopefully this is just a phase. Xxx

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