Am I an asshole?

Your feelings are valid. An illness doesn’t excuse behaviour and even if it did she’s not your mother.

If you feel like you’ll regret not being cordial, then you already know what to do. It’s lame though. She caused harm and never made it right. Now she’s sick, and you’re the one who has to extend grace. 🩷

Picked the wrong option, you’re totally not an asshole. It sucks but things like this are exactly why MIL’s should be nicer people. They forget they’re getting older and not invincible. She has her son and he’s doing what he should do. You’re sending her pictures of your LO. I believe that is good enough. People who are sick usually try and make amends and she doesn’t sound like she’s even bothered to try… so sad. All the best hun xo

Definitely not the asshole. I firmly believe that illness doesn't automatically give someone a free pass for forgiveness. You cut her off for a reason, that reason doesn't go away just because she's ill. As harsh as it sounds, this is just the consequence of her actions 🤷🏻‍♀️ obviously you do whatever feels right for you but if all you're prepared to do is continue sending pictures of your son, that is absolutely okay and you should continue to do so with no guilt. Big love 🫶🏻

a year/few years is a long time to put up with someone that’s nasty to you. i’d support husband and visit/call when she’s literally on her deathbed but i wouldn’t bother before then 😭

Support husband’s choices for his relationship but make whatever boundaries you need to.

I would be respectful and cordial for the sake of my husband. I wouldn’t want him to feel my energy and question his decisions

My feelings aside if my husband was being cordial and trying to maintain some sort of relationship in this time, I would also take part. If only to make this experience easier for him, it’s his mum dying and the next few months or however long will be with him forever. Being as helpful to him as possible is healthiest for your future marriage when she’s gone. Grief can make people angry and you don’t want resentment cause you unknowingly caused him added stress or upset xx

I agree with Sarah. It does suck that you guys had issues before, but since your husband has resumed the relationship, I would be cordial and support him as much as possible. When she's gone it may be a tough time for him and I think if he felt as though you didn't support him or he feels as though he didn't spend enough time with his mom, he may feel resentment in y'alls marriage due to it, grieving causes all types of feelings and emotions.

Your feelings are valid but maybe attempt to have a conversation regarding what happened previously. She may be open to change to maintain the relationship

I had to walk away from my family and I had to think long and hard about the fact that they could die and I would never get a chance to rekindle. And I accepted that and I’m okay with that. I don’t think I’d talk to my dad if he got cancer. So no I don’t think you’re an asshole.

That being said, sometimes I wish we could walk away from my husbands family, but I leave that decision up to him.

Sorry for the cancer diagnosis. However, that does not change previous bad behaviour. Stick to your guns.

Picked the wrong option but you’re definitely NOT. the asshole people always seem so sincere when the gun is to their head, tale as old as time—yet where was all of that remorse for how you were treated beforehand. She didn’t feel bad for you when your boundaries were being crossed so why should you feel bad for her, maybe that’s her karma.

To me that’s a grey area. I can’t blame you for wanting to continue NC but I understand his wants to at least have some “good time” before she passes. Now I’m not saying y’all’s situation is better/worse or what ever. I’m saying my mom is terminal, I’m still no contact. That’s my choice. But if in your heart you don’t want that, then don’t do it. That is solely your choice. But explain it to your man. Without emotions, I feel statements are very impactful so it doesn’t shift blame on anyone. But I would set a boundary with him that you don’t want contact or you don’t want her knowing about you period.

Do what you feel is right for you. May be worth a convo with hubby to make sure you can support him how he needs without crossing your own boundaries