I'm hurting! Could you forgive this?

It’s totally fair to feel upset! It does come off as favoritism. Your sister gets help on her days off just for a break, but when you ask for support while working, you’re told to “rethink.” That’s not fair. If you can, gently talk to your mum. Let her know how it feels—like you and your kids are being pushed aside. Forgiveness is possible, but only if your boundaries and needs are respected too. You don’t have to accept the unequal treatment just to keep the peace. Advocate for your kids. And if it keeps happening? You’re allowed to pull back and protect your peace.

The WE in “Maybe we should have a rethink” could apply to all of you. Maybe your mum wants to help you but can’t fit everyone in on the same day. She can’t change the days your sister sends her kids in already because that was arranged and agreed to first. Maybe you can speak with your mum and sister about how all of you can make it work? I don’t think it’s unfair for your mum to say I don’t have the capacity to have more kids on the days I already have the kids over, even if you think they’re independent.

The day we are going over is the day she doesn't have the other kids, my sister has heard about this and said she will come over on this day too. So basically now Mon, Tues, My mum does their childcare Weds, Thurs, they are in Nursery Fri, she's now bringing them over too. She doesn't work a Friday and already has Weds and Thurs to herself. I spoke to my Mum about it and she said she doesn't feel she can let my sister down, so she needs me to think of a plan. My mum can't do any other day for us. I said I can't think of any other way and can my sister not just look after her kids for one day on her own (I do 3 days alone!) So I guess the plan is we don't go, which means I'm going to have to put my children into childcare another day or drop this day from work. Either way we financially struggle. I have no idea why she feels like she can't let her down when she's more than happy to let me down. I guess my sister just means more

After reading this part, yes your mum is really being out of order - you asked first anyway and need support when you get none and now your sister wants to join your mum should’ve said ‘well you can’t join unfortunately because we don’t have space for your family too’ I don’t get why she’s saying no to you when your sister was the one ‘joining’ That would piss me right off! I’d just say to your mum, why can you let me down when I asked first and not her?

Yeah definitely sounds like your sister (for some weird reason) can't bear the thought of looking after her own kids by herself, she is absolutely being selfish here! However, at this point i wouldn't beg, nor would I let my mum pass this shit onto me! She is afraid of saying no to your sister, so she's trying to get you to do it instead. I'd be sorting my own childcare and not relying on family, it's not worth it.

1/2 I'm not sure if I follow so you should definitely consider other advice. And you may not immediately like what I say, but I'm thinking outside the box. Firstly, I can see why initially you think that's favouritism, but I don't think it's that. The word "rethink" sounds like she loves you so much, she can't say what's she's really thinking....it's a lot to look after all the kids on my own and I'd rather not have another day in my week taken up with childcare, though I will if there's no way forwards. I've understood that at the moment your mum has three days where she doesn't do any childcare, that's Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

2/2 You wanted to get childcare on Friday, without your sisters kids being there, your mum essentially agreed, but now wants a 'rethink' because your sister said she wanted to bring her kids on Friday too.You never mentioned how many kids in total your mum would have to look after on Friday. If it's more than three, that's a lot.I wonder whether your mum wants to devote so much of her week to childcare. She's a grandmother first. For many it means just having a few one-off days looking after grandchildren. She may feel she can't say no, and the thought of having so many kids to look after, even if they are her grandchildren who she clearly loves, as she hasn't said no, she's said "rethink", may be an issue. Could you do your work from home day on a Monday or Tuesday so your mum doesn't have to give up another day?Does your mum get paid? Does the food and drink she buys for the kids get paid? Doesn't matter if she's free timewise, she's entitled to enjoy her time on her own terms.

@Mas I'm not expecting my Mum to look after all the children together. My sister wasn't meant to be there. My sister has 3 kids. I have 2. They are all young. I will do lunch, naps etc. I also take everything with me. I only need a few hours to get my work done and then I can spend the afternoon with them all. What's upsetting me is what I'm going to write below -

Update: My mum has messaged to say my sister will now be going over on that day too so unfortunately she can't fit us all in so I will need to come up with another plan if I still want help. So she's literally had the choice and has chosen them over us. Feeling very sad 😕

Honestly it may be financially difficult but it’ll be so much better when you pay for it. I mean that in, things get done how you want them to, and keeping family out means you don’t have to deal with bullshit like this.

Im so sorry girl. Thats so unfair. Is your sister the younger one? I don’t understand why she would do this to you. Maybe try having a conversation with your mom and sister about it.

I'd sit down and speak to one of them, or both of them. I think your mum sounds to be doing enough at the moment but it doesn't seem a fair balance. There's a few things I'm wondering though that your mum might be thinking... Income difference, support difference, how demanding the kids are... All these things she might be using as reason to support your sister more. I'm not saying that makes it fair x

That’s clearly your sister being greedy in my opinion and maybe even jealous. I’d clearly explain to your mum how and why you needed assistance so that you could work unlike your sister who just appears to be avoiding parent responsibilities. If she still doesn’t understand or want to help, I’d be cutting them off for a while and find an alternative support.

I'd have a heart to heart and say exactly how you feel. Her kids go mon and Tuesday to your mom's. Your kids go to your mom's 0x . You then ask if she could hang with them on Fridays, a day you work... and.... she must have mentioned it to your sister otherwise why would you sister want that day too? She should have told your sister she needed to rethink it. Even if your mom is playing favorites, your sister is being selfish.

This isn’t right..I think you need to call your mum AND your sister out. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

I hope I didn't invalidate you. It sounds like you're very accommodating of people - you didn't shut me down. That's a beautiful and magnanimous trait. Don't be afraid to make your needs explicit, otherwise people may think you'll just be okay to go along with things. Ideally, Friday should be yours and the other two days your sister. The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

@Mas Thank you. I needed a pick me up today 😀