unhappy in my relationship

i have a 18 month old, during the first 6 months my partner was not the best dad. He would go weeks without changing her nappy and weeks without holding her. He did cook and do the washing, and the cleaning was shared. he would carry on his normal life, hobbies at the weekend/evening, going out with friends on the weekend drinking, and i think i’ve held some resentment. During that time we had a lot of arguments and i suffered with postpartum depression, which made me fall out of love slightly with him. Over a year has passed we are now married which was being planned thoughout my pregnancy, and the feelings of unconditional love have not returned. i have told him on many occasions things we both need to do to make this a better relationship, but he never asks how i’m feeling, he knows i’ve lost love for him. but he just doesn’t seem to care. He knows i wont leave because i don’t want to split the family up and hurt my daughter. Im a happy, live life sort of person. But he shows, always has, very little emotion. he moans a lot, especially about money, but never has a problem spending it on nights out/ golf or stag dos/ holidays abroad. i’m a little bit younger than him and struggle with the idea that i wont feel the connection i used to have with him again and for the foreseeable stay in a marriage im not happy in. its so sad that our relationship is like this, we used to be so happy and i used to love him so much! but the bad days out-way the good now and i just feel so sad most of the time. I dont know why im writing this, i guess its because i dont have anyone else to talk to for the fear of judgement. Has anyone else’s feelings towards their partner completely changed after having a child?

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This is so common unfortunately :( a lot of people split up in the first 2 years after their child is born. Staking in an unhappy marriage/relationship is no life to live. I think if he doesn’t commit to going to couples therapy and working on the relationship, it sounds like it’s over

Firstly, I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds so tough 💔 secondly, I agree with Lena. I'm a firm believer that "staying together for the kids" is utter bollocks (though I understand why people want to). My parents stayed together (then split up, got back together, rinse and repeat for years) when they really should've stayed separated. The comments, the arguments, the hostility, seeing and FEELING how unhappy they were, it was brutal. Ultimately your child needs and deserves to see you happy, and to grow up in a safe, loving home with a positive atmosphere. As much as you feel that you can hide things from them, 1) why would you want to put yourself through that? And 2) kids aren't stupid, they know stuff, they pick up on everything. From your post it definitely sounds like things aren't going to change so I think you need to ask yourself some tough questions and potentially make some big, scary decisions 💜

This is an almost identical situation to mine, down to the 18mo. I see you, I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you find something that works xxx (message if you ever want to chat)

Definitely try couples therapy it has done wonders for us. We went before having our first and still go every other week to maintain our relationship and hold ourselves accountable. I’m sorry your going through this 💗

@Chris It’s such a horrible situation isn’t it! i’m so sorry you are going through it also! xxx

@Audrey @Lauren @Lena Thank you ladies. i’ll have a chat with him and try and get us into couples counciling. i think you are right, some scary decisions do need to be made xx

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