Was I rude to MIL?

I don't think either of you were rude tbf. I see your point 100% but I also see her point if other days aren't good for her x

Can't she come during the week but earlier? And why can't she do weekends? But also, I don't think you were rude. I know exactly what it's like when toddlers don't want their nanny to leave, especially when it's right across bedtime

Can you get MIL to do bedtime routine?

@Christina that's a good suggestion, see how keen she is on coming then haha

@Katie she is off on the weekend but is up all night watching tv. So they sleep most of the day.

To me I would’ve found your reply rude. It’s not what you said it’s how you said it. I feel like there was a way to explain yourself a bit nicer but I’m also a big over thinker so maybe to others this is fine

@Christina she would have the kids up till midnight. Her response “they didn’t want to go to sleep”

@Melanie I feel like I had to put my foot down because she kept asking. But for her to not even reply!?!

I don’t think either of you was rude but MIL definitely inconsiderate! Your kids your routine. If she can’t respect that or come earlier day times then tough. As parents we have to work around our kids not them around us

Honestly visiting people with children after 630 is something I just don't do it's stupid almost all kids get fussy in the evenings

Your reply was not rude. My mom comes over around that time and get my daughter riled up too. I let it happen because she does a lot for us but she only comes once a week

That’s understandable!

We are in the same boat and eventually she just backed off and came when was convenient to us xxx

Your MIL sounds immature, “sorry I won’t bother you again” 🥴 Has she forgotten what it’s like having small kids and bedtime routine?? I don’t think you were rude at all. It’s all fun and games being the nice grandma and having fun with the kids until super late and crash out at midnight, but YOU are the one who has to deal with them in the morning, not wanting to wake up, being tired and lethargic, also meaning more prone to tantrums and meltdowns. She’s being purposely obtuse for the sake of you not being accommodating to her, when rightly, it should be the other way round. I wouldn’t get too het up about it. You’ve stated the reasons why, she either gets with the programme and comes on Friday/weekends, or doesn’t. She can cut off her nose to spite her face if she wants to.

Can't stand when people say "I won't bother you again". Like that statement is bothering me lmbo.

My mother in law hasn’t been the nicest since I had my first now I am about to have my second. She likes to play the victim when I tell her we have plans or a certain schedule and tells me I should plan with her all the things we do. Well last year she got diagnosed with cancer and it has made her awfully more bitter. I tried my best to take her with my husband(her son) all she would do is complain or yell at us the way we would take. After I found out I was pregnant I told her I needed less stress and she said how I made everything about myself Well I tried making several times for her to see my first. Then she would always cancel or say it’s inconvenient so I asked her to set up times and she would do the exact thing. Well I’ve had a very rough pregnancy this time around and I told her I just need a break so she will have to get ahold of her son now this was Oct last year she’s never text or called her son we haven’t heard from her. My SIL lets me know how she is doing🙄🙄

I feel you! I have the same with my FIL. He’s even started ‘accidentally’ ordering Amazon parcels to ours instead of his for an excuse to come over. After a few weeks ago where he came over with my husbands nan in tow (when I had asked not to) and didn’t leave until almost 9pm I’ve got to the point now where yes I am being rude because he’s completely disrespecting me in what I am saying about not coming over on a week night and the message has finally started to get through

Neither of you are rude and it’s good that you explained to her xx @Christina, made a good suggestion of letting her do the bed time routine? Which might be really nice for you and your husband ? X

I don’t have any advise to offer you, but reading your situation made me so angry for you. I hope your MIL stops being such an entitled baby

I find her to be rather rude, you are setting a boundary for your family and she is being entitled and disrespectful. I’m really tired of the older generations thinking they can do whatever they want because they are grandma and grandpa, you are mom. Sounds to me like you just said what needed to be said

I would ask her to stay and do the bedtime routine on that night for you instead of you lol see how it goes

If she’s off on the weekend why wouldn’t she be happier seeing them at an earlier time spending moooore time with them??? The way some people can’t get over themselves to ‘adjust’ (going on her day off lol) to see kids they request to is beyond me

You have to put your foot down when it comes to your kids. And the thing is you probably wouldn’t be questioning your response if it was your own family but since it’s not then you start to doubt yourself and think oh I shouldn’t have said that. But you’re well within your right to say that it’s your home and your children and unless she’s willing to come round the next morning and get the kids up and deal with them being stroppy and tired then she should agree to come at a time that’s convenient for you and your children

Could she come during the school holidays. My mum does this with her grandkids, she gets them or goes over to theirs during their breaks.

@Heidi my exact thoughts!! They could spend the entire day with them but choose not to.

@Ema I dropped my LO off for the day a few times. They gave her a bunch of candy and junk food, sit her in front of the tv watching inappropriate shows, and skip nap. I would pick a whiney, crying, brat and it was horrible. So that stopped happening.

I get the candy, junk food and lots of screen times as that’s what typical grandmas do but inappropriate shows and skipping nap. Have you tried talking to her about your boundaries?

Where is your husband in all this? I think you were slightly rude, and you had other ways you could have asked. Your MIL is out of line with the "I won't bother you again" line though.

Sounds like your mil is throwing a poor pity me party and wants you to cave in for her and make her an exception to your boundary

You weren’t rude. You were direct. Though if you want to maintain a positive relationship with your MIL and for your kids to have a present grandparent, you may have to employ a bit more finesse in your directness. This doesn’t mean skimping on your boundaries, but people like your MIL who view boundaries as walls, need to have their egos stroked a bit so that they don’t respond passive aggressively as she did. Example, “Hi MIL. I apologize if my earlier text was a bit too direct. I am so happy that you want to spend time with the kids and they really enjoy your visits. Having a present grandmother is really important to me, and I understand that the weekends can be tough for you because of xyz. That being said, weekday visits just aren’t working for us either. Would you be willing to sacrifice part of your Saturday or Sunday? I think this could be great because then you can spend even more time with the kids without butting up against their bedtime.”

“This is a season for us as parents to young kids and I know as they get older they will be able to tolerate more disruptions to their routine without acting out. Husband and I appreciate your understanding as we navigate this time with little ones.”

Your kids, your choice. As their Mother you don't have to justify anything to anyone!