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Need to vent

I just want to let this out as it’s been hurting me a lot . I’ve been with the father of my children on and off for 10 years . I’m not 26 . He’s 29 . Ours sons are 5 months and 7 . We have never had a stable relationships but recently it’s just become so bad I’ve had to kick him out . He’s a severe alcoholic and does not want to admit this . He scares me all the time and has hurt me over and over again . I have forgave him each time as he made me believe he changed and he never did . He has broken things in my home and smash my phones . He is a narcissist. We have always seems to clash and never seem to meet eye to eye but he was my first love and it was really hard to try and even be with someone else for me ! I always found my self going back to him even when he hurt me . My youngest son was born poorly and we needed to stay in hospital for a month . All this time he thought I was seeing someone else . He has always put me down and called me the most horrible things yet I still forgive him and I can’t seem to stop this cycle as he always seems to work his way back into my life . I have no friends because of him and I don’t have a lot of support around me which makes me feel isolated and makes me want to stay with him . I am now nearly 2 months with out him and it’s been hard . I have found out that he has got another girl pregnant and I can’t help but feel so upset . I don’t know what to do or how to control my feelings . He spoke to me today and said I’m the worst thing that ever happened to him and yet I’m still missing him . I don’t know how to stop thinking of him or how to not feel jealous. When I look at my kids I can’t help but thinking of him as they both are the spitting image of him .. sorry if I sound stupid but I just wish I could talk to someone who has gone through some what the same situation as me …

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It's a lot to go through... I've experienced some similar things and I feel for you. You did the right thing for yourself and your little ones by leaving. I can understand how there are still feelings of hurt within you, it's disappointing when someone doesn't show up for us like we hope they will. At the end of the day, though, you can trust that you'll always have yourself to rely on, and that feels soooo much better in the long run than trying to trust someone else who is simply unreliable. Build your own bright future, the one you deserve. <3

@Evelyn tearing up 😭 thank you ❤️

You’re not alone at all. I lived with a narcissistic alcoholic for years. Getting away is the only thing that set me free and when I tell you I truly enjoy life now without someone micromanaging my every move. Learn to love you more than you love him because if you did love you you’d never let you go through this. I’m sorry you’re alone but isolation is part of it big time. He thinks you’re cheating because either he is or he knows he doesn’t hold value and any normal person wouldn’t commit to him. Your love is blinding you but I hope you find your way out. X

@Siera thank you so much I really needed this . It just makes me feel sick that he has now got her pregnant and they have been together 1 month . so he obviously was cheating on me even when I was in the hospital with his sick son . My heart hurts so much as I’m so use to him but I know I can’t take this anymore . I don’t deserve to live in fear and nor do my children … it’s just hard when so many things around me remind me of him . I hope one day I will get over this al … x

I can’t wait for you to find someone worth your attention. This man is not. You wake up in the morning and focus on you. And in just a week I know you’ll feel better. Give him no satisfaction care as little as he does and just cut him off. I can understand the spitting image part. My sons looo just like their dad too and that didn’t help me ever either lol. But know you truly have the best part of him (your children) and there is nothing else worth getting from him.

@Siera wow ! That hit me in all the good ways ! Can I message you x

Absolutely 💗

I went through that situation with my BD. We were together on and off for 17 years with 3 kids the youngest is 6 months old. Please find the strength and self love to leave and keep him away. You're missing what could have been and you're mourning the relationship that you two could have had if it wasn't for his toxic ways. I always made excuses for my ex and I realized that was wrong. Nothing that they do or say is genuine unless they're being hurtful. Keep him out of your life for you and your kids sake. My kids and I have been doing so much better now that he's not in the picture anymore.

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