Boring partner

So he works long hours, you're limited to what you can do as you have baby, and you want him to plan the date nights aswell. It's a good idea to do more things with friends if it's possible as can keep you distracted. My husband was the same for booking holidays after baby but I booked one anyway to prove to him it's not as hard as you think with a baby, luckily all went to plan and turned out fine. What would you class as fun and exciting that you and him can do on weekend with baby? Maybe suggest those ideas to him and see what he thinks x

You aren't wrong but I'd definitely tell him how you feel

@Incognito thing is I've tried to tell him. This is what I find annoying. He's off work soon for a week and suggested going away for the night with kids and he's already like I just want a week off at home relaxing 💤 😴 I mean good luck because do you ever get a week off around the house as a mum to relax... no 🤣 just always the same and if I question this or suggest anything he basically has a go back at me 😬 I feel at a loss really.

I do think you're being abit harsh here actually. He works long hours, which means he's probably knackered, so who can blame him for just wanting to chill at home when he's got a week off?! If you want date nights etc, then you need to arrange them, as not everyone is bothered about this stuff, in particular guys aren't. My partner is also not big on holidays, so he would never suggest it, let alone book it. He doesn't mind a weekend away on occasion though. He is happy for me to go away for a weekend though if I wanted to, which is fine by me lol. I'd get in my car and just drive wherever I wanted to go, why can't you just do this with the kids if that's what you want?

I think you need to make more friends yeah and get an outside hobby something for yourself, like as in don’t rely on him to make your life fun, do that for yourself. Take the kids out wherever you want on the weekdays, invite a friend out on the weekends either something family friendly w the kids or just a girls night no kids. Me and my man are happy but we both have friends and hobbies outside the marriage as outlets, I don’t rely on him and the kids for 100% of my happiness, I told him not to rely on me either, the things I do for me and the things I do w friends bring me joy in my life as well. For the holiday maybe suggest something like a resort, w a pool, massage services etc, and tell him all you wanna do on that holiday IS relax, as in just lounge around the pool all day see what he says. Maybe he’s scared of exerting too much energy but if you tell him you want a chill holiday maybe he’ll change his mind.

1/2 This is a tough one tbh, while it sounds like he could do with making a little more effort to be an active part of your actual relationship, I do agree that you're being a bit harsh and effort works both ways. It shouldn't all be on you but it shouldn't all be on him either. Having a baby is HARD as you know and trying to adjust to that while also working long hours can't be easy. I'm not saying it's harder than being a SAHM (I've been one for a year before going back to work) because that's also hard, but it's different. Definitely have a chat with him about arranging some time with your friends (if you plan to go without baby obviously, would be unfair to just dump baby on him last minute😅) because rebuilding and maintaining your own personal social life is definitely important, separate to your relationship. But also have another chat about doings things together as a family, remember you're a team so you should be finding solutions TOGETHER. Even if you start off small with

2/2 one nice plan every other week, it's something you can look forward to and gradually build on. Best of luck!

@Kellie all I wanna do is relax I have a nearly 1 year old and a 6 year old I think I'll struggle with that! He helps with the kids sometimes but complains if I let him be too full on and he has them whilst I do other things. It's really difficult x

Maybe put the one year old in day care for a few hours while the 6 yo is in school? Then you can get a massage, do your nails, get your hair done, grab a coffee, do whatever.

Can’t you get a sitter or have grandparents watch the kids while y’all go on a weekend trip?

You’re not wrong to have feelings about it, but you might need to change your perspective. My husband works a lot. I’m mom all the time. I’m pregnant. We both lose sight of relaxing or having a little fun sometimes. Neither of us looks at it as the other persons job to fix it though. We find ways to do things for the other or spend time together that are fun or just little things to stay connected. My husband is an extrovert and likes going places. I’m an introvert and prefer to stay home. Sometimes we just spend time together at home. Sometimes we go somewhere so he can get out of the house. We do little things too. We love watching Good Mythical Morning on YouTube so when we go to bed, we cuddle and watch an episode. Maybe watch other stuff too. If I/we are cleaning and I have music playing, he’ll grab me and we’ll dance together. Those little things can make a huge difference. Connecting, understanding each others needs, and compromising is important. It’s not all on him.

What hours does he work? How many days a week?

My fiancé works long hours as a head chef - sometimes he does just want to sleep or relax because he doesn’t get that. So I do think you’re being slightly fair but I also think if you’re wanting to do something, you book the trip away and all he has to do is show up. Communication can go a long way and rather than telling everyone he’s boring etc just write him a long message or just sit him down face to face because things aren’t going to change unless you both put in the work.

Have you tried planning things to make it exciting yourself?

Stay with him if he is a good father and build your social life up

Husband works long hours too (own business) so I don't have to and can be with my daughter. I just book things most weekends for trips and stuff and let him know? He's happy he does not have to have anything extra on his plate to think about! Also before I got pregnant again we would have a weekend a month to ourselves and go out with friends or have a date night. Also just book a holiday? I sort it all and book it and let him know when it is? lol x

I went away with my friend and her little boy. Our kids had a blast and we enjoyed deserts, chit chatting and watching movies after the little ones went to bed. You need to try to make some friends bc it’s exhausting to be around the same person 24/7 expecting to be doing something as soon as they come home. My home life has drastically changed once I went out with my LO and did things with others instead of waiting on her very tired (works crazy hours) dad. Now he gets some relaxing time at home and he plans some fun stuff for us to do bc he got to rest a bit.

@Selena I don't really trust a stranger to have them, all my.mates have their own kids and no village x

@Becky 5 days 60 hour weeks. Basically we only get a Saturday together x

@Emilie yes he gets annoyed with plans. Saying I've trapped him into doing stuff at the weekends 😬

@Sophie-Jayne he would be so pissed if I booked rhe trip and told him to come. Saying I'd trapped him into doing stuff at the weekend. I genuinely cannot win. I am skint at the moment but when back at work ill just book a weekend away with kids. Just can see us splitting up tbh x

Why don’t you plan something nice at home??

It does sound boring however, try to create your own hobbies / interests/ things to do to entertain yourself . If you want to go away and he doesn’t can you plan a night away with friends? Do all the things you want to with other people. Either you’ll get to enjoy yourself in other ways or maybe he’ll feel like he’s missing out and want to join you more - win win!

Have you told him you feel this way? Maybe he’s happy going on those walks and assumes you feel the same way?

I’d say you are in control of what you do. If you want to do something new each weekend, i would research fun things around you. Lots of businesses are open to families and many areas will have events you can attend on the weekend. Finding places that are fun for you and kids also gives you fun memories together :) hope this helps!

Welcome to being a parent of a young child. Your life revolves around them and your relationship dynamic will change. Okay maybe I’m in the wrong here but are you seriously saying your partner is boring because he works long hours and probably just wants to relax a little after? Is it no effort or just not the type of effort you want. Pull up your big girl pants and deal. Have you ever tried putting effort into the relationship yourself, ya know show him you appreciate the long hours he’s putting in to help support your family. It’s completely fine to have a life outside of him. You are two people who came together but you didn’t become one person. Gosh, that’s a little cold though. Like you’re entitled to how you feel but definitely shift your perspective a little.