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@Sorrel this person is the last tie to her late Nan. The little bitch comment was a conversation between my wife’s mum and the family friend. Her mum was saying about how bad my wife was as a child and that she would send her to said friend for a break and the friend then said yes because you were such a little bitch. My wife then said I was a child and went off crying. They also said this in front of a friend they had never met and everyone was stunned. She’s made it clear to her mum that this won’t be a regular thing and that she’s hesitant herself as she’s made a few comments and it’s not the type of person our daughter is having in her life frequently. She is definitely a people pleaser and has come along way since our daughter has been born and agrees she’s not a nice woman and she doesn’t even really want to go herself so it’s all a bit odd really. It’s never really laying down the law, but for instance, my wife hates one of my friends (nothing has happened) and she doesn’t
Want our daughter around her so I haven’t done so. Which I then think should go both ways.
Ok I see where you’re coming from about one rule for each of you. But tbh I don’t think either of you should really have to do that. I could understand if the person is a bad influence in someway, harmful or would be behaving inappropriately around your child e.g. smoking, swearing etc. but if the person is just not really your cup of tea but you/ your partner like them, it seems a bit much to ban them from being around your child. I think we sort of have to trust our partners judgment with who they have around. I think family duty and pressure can weigh heavy on some people. And if she’s lost her nan she may feel a stronger tie to this woman as almost a proxy figure. I think sometimes people are more forgiving of older people as they feel they can be stuck in their ways and perhaps not around for much longer. Again, not excusing it (I hate people calling kids names, little shits etc. even though it’s fairly common) just trying to suggest where your wife may be coming from.
You all should agree on a “2 yes 1 no” policy. She wants to take the baby to see the family friend, you say no, so the answer is no. You wanted to take the baby to meet your friend, she said no, so the answer was no. I would be really firm about this, as you said this should go both ways. The 2 yes 1 no policy came in handy for me and my husband many times in our early days of parenting.
@Sorrel for the most part it’s not an issue and we just grin and bear it but you know those pushy types of people and really impose themselves on you and have a sense of entitlement. I think my main worry is sometimes she will allow people do almost do as they like with our daughter like she’s a doll and not her own being and she can then get overwhelmed and upset and my wife won’t always say anything or intervene especially with certain people and then I’m left with a disregulated child later and when she pushes away from my wife that’s another issue. Also equally the last time she saw this woman, she was in a foul mood for a couple days as she was talking bad about her dad and I always have a rough few days when it comes to her being around her family and then it also impacts our daughter and just the atmosphere in the home. It’s almost like is a coffee catch up really worth all the fall out afterwards and it can dampen the rest of our week.
Ugh yeah she sounds like hard work and it doesn’t sound worth it at all. I think this definitely needs another conversation. It’s not fair that this is affecting the whole family like this.
@Sorrel that’s my main point to my wife. What’s the point when every time it’s caused grief and just isn’t worth spoiling our time off over Easter. I’ll speak with her again and see what comes of that! Thank you for being a listening ear! Sometimes I don’t know if I’m being a bit dramatic and so that’s the whole reason for the poll. See what others think and how they’d react x
No worries, we all need an ear sometimes! Hope it goes ok and you have a nice Easter x
The family friend doesn’t sound very nice and I can see why you have reservations. Why is your wife so keen to see her? What was the context of the ‘little bitch’ comment? It sounds like this person is on your wife’s side of the family so maybe she’s not finding it as easy to cut this person out as you are? I’m not saying this persons behaviour is ok - at all - but maybe your wife is feeling torn. Wondering if your wife is a bit of a people pleaser by nature and is struggling a bit being surrounded by strong personalities (including her mother, family friend & you)? If she also finds this woman unacceptable she needs to learn to stand up for herself, I think it could be more helpful you encouraging/ supporting her to do this, rather than you laying down the law of where she can/ can’t go. I don’t think it’s ‘no big deal’. But don’t think it should be about you ‘letting’ them go either.