Any advice welcome please

Hi my partner is obsessively worrying about his ex wife not finding out about my pregnancy, he has raised it multiple times now and even in front of the midwife yesterday asked her if giving his kids details would mean she will find out. Things have been rocky since I told him I'm pregnant. He just doesn't seem excited and refers to it as "when is it ever the right time?" And "we'll just have to manage". My pregnancy was suspected ectopic, it's been horribly emotional and worrying having to be in hospital for tests. Since then, I've been really struggling with nausea, sickness and mentally struggling as I moved hours away from home to be with him and I have no support. He's been emotionally unavailable and has shown minimal affection since we found out about the baby. He has helped more with my child and made her dinner when I've been too ill, but aside from that he's left washing stacked up in the bathroom, there's urine all over the toilet seat from where his sons have been. So I'm left to clean that as I'm being sick multiple times a day. He was shouting at me 2 weeks ago, I left the room and he followed me around the house to shout more and eventually when I snapped (I'm a domestic violence survivor) and screeched in panic "leave me alone!" With loathing in his voice he sneered back at me "What the F*** is wrong with you?" 😪. Now he's refusing to get the mortgage on the house we're renting until the end of the year, because we fought. His mum when we told her about the baby was only interested if it was a girl "Oh do you think we'll finally get a girl?!" She asked him and asked repeatedly that she be the first to know the gender. Didn't once ask how I am, and hasn't since contacted me even though I stood and told her they thought I might have hyperemisis. I wasn't offered a seat or a drink the whole time, just stood there feeling faint. They know I'm alone here but haven't even messaged to see if I need anything. He doesn't see the issue with her behaviour and told me it's my issue basically and she's just excited. Thank you if you've made it this far. Does this sound like red flags, or am I just hormonal and triggered by my past?

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He sounds like a reflection of his upbringing 🙃 why did he get you pregnant if he still cared so much about his ex’s opinion and can he literally go and marry his mum then if he can’t get off her tit. I’m sorry but men like this just get me mad. How is pregnancy now for you? Does he realise that baby feels every emotion you go through? If I were you I would take a break from him, maybe go to a family or friends place for a week or so

Honestly leave there is no support or family there for u. go back to your family and get the support and care u need there. You deserve help, no need to clean and take care of others, you need to be in a mentally safe environment, and place to relax rest and do your best💜💜

@Olivia thanks so much for your reply. I really don't understand his behaviour, his excuse when I asked was that apparently she wanted another child and he said no once he realised she had been gaslighting him etc. Unfortunately all my friends and family live 2 hours away and I can't take my kid out of school 😪. I'm really struggling, I've been so sick and so tired, I'm registered disabled so I'm just even more isolated now than before. He literally only seems to see me as a carrier of his baby now, I think he was trying to reassure me but it hurt me more when he said "whatever happens I'll always be there for the baby", because I'd left to take my daughter out and said on text that it's going to take me a hot minute to get over him screaming at me and saying what he said. I'm in panic mode and feel so dysregulated, my history of being abused makes me want to bolt, and I'm trying to work out if that's the right choice or if it's hormones making me hate him. X

He also announced this week while I was lying in bed, that he's now going to be working/staying away at least one whole week a month. 2+ hours away. So he knows I have zero support without him, my health has got way worse since being here, and I'm going to have a young child plus a newborn to look after? Alone. 😪 I just feel incredibly vulnerable.

@Jacey thank you for your reply. I'm just such a state. Now I've sold my old house I won't get a mortgage again and now as I have savings I won't get benefits. I feel totally screwed. I want to leave, but all his good points have made me stay. He does a lot for me with me being disabled. I feel so vulnerable and if I leave literally feel like who's going to ever want me, 2 kids to 2 different dads, my health is way worse than when I left home. Instead of trying to fix it, he just comes in and says "are you my friend?". It's exhausting, honestly. He says I'll get one night off a week from the baby on a weekend. But now is going to work away 1-2 weeks a month and leave me alone. I just don't understand what he's thinking. He told all his work mates about my pregnancy before I even had my head wrapped round it, then had a go at me when I said I was upset he'd blabbed. 😪 never felt so alone.

Your not alone reach out if u need anything. You deserve better and yk that, doesn’t matter ur finances u need to do what’s best for u ur kids all ur guys mental and physical health

I agree with Jacey, he sounds mentally abusive and after screaming at you, coming to tell you he will be gone once a week when you’re pregnant and going to have a baby is the most spiteful selfish thing I’ve heard of in a while. For MH concerns you can absolutely take your lo out of school at least for a week, just get a doctor to sign off on it and hand it to the school as your reason if they ask for one but happy babies need a happy mother. He’s replaceable

Thank you everyone for your replies. My head is battered going over all the pros and cons 😪x

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