Am I out of order for feeling this way?

Personally, I totally agree with you and think your feelings are valid!! Not enough people talk about how mum’s often go through a ‘resentment stage’. Your life changes massively and often we feel the dad’s life doesn’t. My little one is coming up 9 months now but, when she was first born, I remember feeling exactly like you have said above! I’m fortunate that my partner takes on criticism and we are very open with things now but it has taken some months to get to where we are! He too often goes to golf but he will always ask now - I will never say no, but I do appreciate that he runs it by me. We have a calendar that we keep track of each other’s social lives on. Naturally, I don’t have as many social events as him, but he now encourages me to go out and do things for myself whilst he has baby. I don’t really have any groundbreaking advice, but for me it definitely got better as baby got older! Ultimately I just wanted you to feel validated! Your feelings are normal!!Xx

I get what you mean my partner used to always go out on a weekend with friends and after work if he finished early but that was before we had a baby now since having her he’s been out maybe twice at a push but he asked before he agreed to it

Yes my partner was the same ,I’d suggest having a sit down and talking about it maybe trying to find a way both you and him can both have equal leisure time to do you’re own things , my partner was blind he was the same i couldn’t even take a shower without having to ask or feel bad about having time for me , so you’re feelings a valid once we had a conversation about it he realised and now he encourages me too take some time to myself go out and enjoy myself well he takes care of our daughter and even if you have nothing social to do , even just doing something you like at home well he takes y Baby out so you have some alone free time it should definitely go both ways you deserve it just as much x

It’s important for him to spend time with baby, as it will be really beneficial for their relationship. Its great hes looking after himself physically and mentally, but is he checking on you and making sure you are looking after yourself? Those are my two biggest pointers.

Wow sounds like he has it pretty easy. Doesn’t seem like he’s had to sacrifice much. Like he still has his regular life that he had before becoming a parent. I get he needs to be physically and mentally healthy, but I agree what about you?

I do hear of some Men almost upping their social life’s when new baby arrives. It happened to a couple of my friends when they had their children. A bit of self preservation to prove they can still have their man time whilst also becoming a dad. And of course they can still have their free time but it’s when it becomes not balanced and their priorities aren’t in the correct order is when things start to feel off. My own husband plays rugby and he had no issue leaving me six days pp after a traumatic birth to go play rugby a couple of hours away, basically leaving me a whole day on my own. Stupid me didn’t think to stop him because it was our normal but in hindsight I should have said, no you are staying home. He also agrees and looks back and said that was totally out of order. Now we’re equal with absolutely everything baby related and we’re a team. So I think you’re gonna have to just have a chat with him, it does sound like he has a very easy ride at the moment. Could it be nerves?

Sorry I mis read the yes button. I feel this deeply sometimes, especially in my relationship with my husband. Even when he says I can go out, take a break, or do something for myself it still doesn’t feel that simple. Because being a mom ties you to your baby in a way that’s hard to explain. Even when we’re away, we’re still thinking about them wondering if they’re okay, feeling guilty for leaving, or trying to rush back. And meanwhile, it seems like dads can just go, unplug, and be fully present wherever they are. That mental load we carry as mothers doesn’t really get paused… it just stays with us.

So what are you booking in for yourself every Sunday? Rather than trying to get him to wind it in, say when you are going out, get it in the diary and set the expectation. It’ll probably never be completely even, but it’s up to you to plan your own social life and let him know when he’s on duty! Also, when you are going out, try your best to just let them get on with it - no prepping everything! It might take him some time to learn how to do everything, but in the long run it’ll make your life so much less stressful 🙂

I think you are completely right and I think you can openly talk about it with him. It doesn’t matter if this was the normality, things have clearly changed and he needs to consider your feelings and understand the fact that you also need your “me time” and he can’t just decide for himself

I disagree with calling this the 'resentment stage' like this is just a normal part of postpartum we should all accept and deal with. Our lives have been tipped upside down, why the fuck shouldn't his? I've been having this issue with my baby's dad and have told him to move out. If he wants to act like a single man with no responsibilities he can go be a single man.

So the only thing “set in” is his Golf sounds like. With the gym, does it have a crèche? Or maybe you could drop baby off somewhere for an hr while you BOTH go gym together? And then this Friday, I’d be telling him in advance that’s your night, you’re taking it, he’ll need to wait until next week to have drinks w his coworkers, because one week his Friday one week your Friday sounds more fair. So if I were you I’d be tagging along to his gym either leave baby at the crèche or ask someone to look after baby for an hr you both do that together and I’d be demanding every second Friday for myself, he can stay home look after baby while you head out on a Friday night. I do that here anyway, but he sees his boys on a Thursday and he was Wednesday bowling, and I have dance Tuesdays and Thursdays (my hubby gyms at home) so it’s pretty fair here. Demand some of the time he goes out, for yourself. Schedule in a week in advance if you have to, say this Friday is yours to take, and from now on

He has a life but it doesn't seem to include you. That wouldn't be ok with me. It's important for a partner to be a partner, including spending quality time.

we get one evening out separately a month and if we can get a babysitter we get one a month together too. that works for us