Help 🙃

Sorry in advance for the ramble... My daughter is 3, she'll be 4 in September. We have been out of nappies since July, but it still feels as hard today as it ever has. Maybe we started too early... but she had started taking her nappies off herself anyway. We suspect she may have ADHD (for lots of other reasons) but maybe the fact that toilet training has been so hard is another symptom of that? If we try and ask / tell her to use the potty, she'll refuse to go. If we try and push, it quickly descends into a meltdown. But some days every single wee/poo is an accident. And often she doesn't tell us she's had the accident until we notice. We never punish her, and try to have calm conversations about how it must be done in the toilet. But it seems that she thinks that accidents aren't an issue at all. How do we reinforce this without punishment?? I try to do natural consequences. So if ever she has an accident we take her away from whatever she is playing and she can't do anything until she has been on the toilet, is dressed. Explain that it would take less time to go to the toilet etc. We seem to have the opposite of regressions where for short periods of time she "gets it" and tells us she needs to go and has very few accidents. But 90% of the time it's a sh*t show (literally) 😅. Just any advice would be appreciated on how we could make it easier for her. I get so anxious going out anywhere because of this and I can't keep up with the washing load either 😂