Husband forcing the clean plate rule

I get his point if she knows she can get away with only eating a little to get something sweet then she will probably do that. If she’s never eating all her dinner prior to you giving smaller portions then I really do understand him saying that but I also get your point too as long as she’s eating at least half and had bits from everything different thing I don’t see the issue either.

I don’t give dessert until my eldest has eaten all dinner but I’ll only give what i absolutely know he can finish

What if dessert was something equally nutritional? But you still offer a good portion of main meal and encourage her to eat

This is proven to actually cause disordered eating in the future as it makes us stop listening to our bodies and fullness cues id suggest doing slightly smaller portions and then if she wants more she can add more

I don’t agree with your husband, and I’m with you. I let my kids eat what they can manage. I don’t give them big plates, because if they finish it and want more they can. We don’t also offer dessert everyday, on the weekends it might be fruit salad or some yoghurt but that’s it. My mum used to be like your husband, dinner was at 530 without fail and if I wasn’t there it would be in the bin, or if I said I didn’t like it, it was in the bin. She’d always make me try and finish my plate but I never could and I now have issues myself with food/my weight. My dad was the opposite and he’d always say listen to your stomach, if you’re full, then don’t eat anymore.

The general rule is that it is up to you what you give them to eat, but it is up to them how much of it they eat. Not allowing them dessert if they don't finish their main is going to give them a negative relationship with food.

Laurathomasnutrition on Instagram has some really good resources to raise happy eaters, with her specific aim being to avoid making food good or bad, and helping kids eat intuitively and having a healthy attitude to food. She's much more your sort of thinking. Would your partner be open to her expert advice if you shared some of her stuff with him? She's got a PhD in it, so it's harder for him to argue!!

I agree that a blanket rule of eating all of the main is unhelpful and not promoting a healthy relationship with food and eating. My kids are a bit younger but I play it a bit by ear and I’m pretty good at knowing when they’re playing the system - if I feel they haven’t really eaten enough for it to be a balanced or large enough serving then I will say that they need to have X more spoonfuls before any extra food, if I think they’ve eaten a good portion even if they haven’t finished the plate then I’ll let them have dessert. I think some common sense and nuance to the approach is needed!

I am with you. My daughter gets her pudding regardless and I find that 99% of the time she eats it then goes back to her savoury and eats more.

Yeaah we don't give desert or snacks unless he's eaten his dinner / eaten enough of his dinner if there was a lot there. I think there's a balance to be struck. My step son will otherwise say he's not hungry, not eat anything nutritious then go straight to the fridge for a cheese string, or a lollipop or a sweet yoghurt..

As someone who grew up with an eating disorder, I refuse to let anyone force my daughter to eat food! It’s all about a healthy balance. My daughter (2yo) doesn’t always eat everything on her plate but she always has the option of pudding (usually yoghurt, rice pudding or custard) because I know she’s eaten as much as she can. Then after pudding if she’s hungry, she has the choice of fruit (99% time she chooses an apple). Kids go through phases of what they do and don’t like and we have to adjust, but we should never force them to eat or let them go hungry. They should learn to listen to their bodies, just as they should know to listen to their bodies when someone is touching them when they don’t want them to. Imagine someone telling you can’t leave the table until you’ve eaten everything on your plate, as an adult you wouldn’t let that pass, so why should a child. Keep healthy boundaries (such as they can only have a healthy snack after dinner) and the child will learn