Does any other step parent feel defeated ?

My husband has two daughters from His past marriage and for the last almost 7 years it’s been a roller coaster with BM. I’ve learned to speak up and demand my peace. You and your partner come first, then the kids. BM comes after that and only when it has to do with the kids. She needs to learn her place and I recommend you show her exactly where she stands….which is waaayyy over there lol

In my experience your husband needs to set firm boundaries. I have 2 step daughters and I've been with my husband since they were 4 and 6 they are now 16 and 18. It hasn't always been easy. My husband for the most part has blocked alot of the bs from me and has been firm in his boundaries. I also release control of certain things to him. Now that we have children together I am also firm in my boundaries and expectations with my husband. His ex wife occasionally will lose her self but then we just reassure the boundary. We are adamant as a couple that we are the only ones that dictate our lifes and that goes to any and everyone not just the BM.

@Lisa can you give examples of how you set that boundary ? I feel so defeated

@Ciera what types of expectations were set ? How did you communicate this ? I feel like I’m constantly communicating and we seem to be on the same page then suddenly we’re not . I’m tired

My husband and I are very clear about respect. If we agree to do something and she tries to make changes that don't work for us we stand firm and she has to figure it out. Going into my relationship with my husband even before marriage he understand I wanted no drama ( he also this kind of person) so when there was drama he made sure not to include me. If ever it did make its way to me I vocalized how it made me feel and how I wish it was handled. It's never perfect but the ex is going to be who they are. If you have communicated something to your partner and theh are not living up to their word that's more a problem with them than the ex honestly. I don't know what your situation is or how custody may be impacting that but ultimately the stress you feel from being a step mom if it isn't the kid and it is the BM you should step back and let your partner handle that and speak up to him when you feel like what he is saying isn't matching his actions

Every time she oversteps we make sure she knows she’s overstepping. It really is situational but my husband and I refuse to be abused or threatened or let her dictate our lives. I’m all for calling out the bad behavior and standing firm on the fact that unless it’s directly related to the kids health or education, she doesn’t get to input her opinions on our lives or our time with the kids. The only way it works though is if you and hubby are on the same page, he has to be okay with putting his foot down too.

Don’t play her parent or step parent if you’re unhappy.