in March 2022 Babies 🇬🇧

First time at Nursery - concerned about staff behaviour

Hi all! So today my daughter had her first day (3 hrs) at nursery and it seemed to go pretty well. She went in without any fuss and we were told when we picked her up that she did really well but did have a moment where she got a bit upset about a toy with another child which is to be expected as she hasn't spent a lot of time around others her own age. All her cousins are quite a bit older. On the walk home she said she had a good time and told us about a little girl she'd playing with and what she'd been up to. She seemed keen to go back. However a little while later I was sitting with her while she was doing some painting quietly and she suddenly said to me that she'd cried at nursery because she wanted to come home and wanted mummy and daddy to come back (they hadn't mentioned this at all) she then said that the member of staff supporting her had told her to be quiet when she was upset which obviously made me concerned and so I asked her how she'd said it and she said 'grumpily' she said they have to be quiet at nursery and also said she then went into the tent and hid under a soft blanket and cuddled her special toy and she felt happy. She told me she didn't want to go again. She went and repeated what she'd told me to her dad and he asked if she wanted to go back next week to which she replied 'no thanks' I'm a bit unsure of what to do now, the thought of someone telling her to be quiet when she is feeling upset and emotional about leaving her parents for the first time (she has spent time alone with family but this is of course very different) is so upsetting to me, I wouldn't want her to feel like it's not okay to be upset and express her feelings. I had my phone with me at all times while she was there incase they called to say she was upset and wanted to come home. I also know that she says things sometimes for example she told me 'Nana isn't a very good driver, she went the wrong way around the roundabout' and she told her Nana 'Mummy said I can eat my bogeys' 😆 of course neither of these things are true and I have no idea where they came from. So I'm like did she maybe take it the wrong way? How do I approach them about this? So I guess I'm just asking for a bit of advice if anyone has any. My heart hurts that she felt so upset and I feel like I'm not sure if I should send her back. It has lots of good reviews and I know someone else who sends their daughter there and they said it's great. It seemed lovely when we visited. I just don't know what to do.

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I don’t always 100% believe my toddler, I’ve witnessed when he’s made things up or exaggerated what actually happened but maybe that’s just my son. Maybe they said do you want some calm time where we can be quiet, or would you like to do a quiet activity? I wouldn’t necessarily sack it off because of what my 3 year old said UNLESS she said she was harmed, shouted at, was very distressed etc. Most kids take a while to adjust to nursery and the people in it and it can be beneficial to develop social/emotional skills and a fun environment. I’d give it another go, note to them she’s feeling nervous and will need time to adjust and see what happens xx

My daughter tells me things from nursery which can be a bending of the truth, or exaggerated at times. She’s been going since 11 months so we’ve gradually seen this over time. I wouldn’t necessarily be surprised they didn’t tell you she was upset about missing you both, it’s more than to be expected in the first days so I guess they just saw it as a given. I’d maybe question how they manage any upset in the setting, and I guess over time you will build trust with them & individual workers too x

If it was me I'd go in, explain what she's told you & ask what really happened. My daughter has made things up about me & her dad to each other so possible she's making it up or distorting the truth, but also possible she's telling the truth so best go & ask.

Maybe she took it the wrong way? I feel like there are a lot of different situations where the staff would say to be quiet. A child sleeping, story time perhaps she was crying for you and they were saying ‘shhh thell be here soon ‘ as in to comfort her.

I can imagine lots of situations where they may use the word 'quiet' without it meaning literally stop making noise 'such as would you like some quiet time?' If she was finding overwhelmed - the tent/teddy/blanket would fit with this. Or even "shh quiet now, no need to cry, mummy will be back soon' to comfort her. If she doesn't know the adult it would be hard for a 3 year old to gage 'how' it was said. Also if she literally cried for a couple of minutes in a 3 hour session, then I can see how it wouldn't be mentioned . They are probably used to other new starts crying for the whole 3 hours.

I started sending my son to nursery 6 months ago and was in a similar position where he was saying things and I didn’t know how much of it was true but I also didn’t want to dismiss what he was saying. I just went in and asked the nursery manager for a word, I told them this was the first time he was in such a setting and that he had told me xyz. I asked if I could speak to the people in the room to give me a detailed account of the day. They had called me when he was upset so I knew that already but that is because I made it very clear to them to call me if he was upset. If you would like them to tell you (in the settling in period) if she is upset or crying, that’s completely reasonable! Just speak to the staff - like the many parents in the comments you won’t be the first to speak to them about this 😂

My son makes up stories all the time exaggerating what has happened at nursery so take it very much with a pinch of salt. I’m sure they were probably just shushing to comfort her and saying you’ll be back soon. I highly doubt she will have been grumpily told to be quiet because she was upset. Just ask to speak to the nursery manager and room leader/ key worker and they’ll clear it up. X

Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate it 😊 I will mention it to them when we next go and see what they say. She definitely does come up with some stories from time to time so I won't be accusatory. I guess it's a lot to do with the nerves of sending them somewhere alone for the first time that makes you second guess your decision! I'm so keen for her to have some peer interaction and so I wouldn't really want to take her out of the setting and jump to conclusions too soon. It's hard because you don't want to dismiss what they've said but at the same time you know sometimes they may take things the wrong way/bend the truth or not tell you the whole story. Again thank you all for your advice ❤️

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