Just a rant

SD mum has not seen her for two months, and has been uninterested in any arrangements surrounding SD since she moved in 9 months ago. She pays nothing towards her, and it isn’t worth going to CSA because she doesn’t declare her earnings. She speaks to SD once a week, sometimes not at all for weeks at a time and is uncontactable. Anyway, yesterday after she speaks to SD after a period of absence may I add, she messages my husband to say that SD let her know that she is starting with a childminder and that he needs to inform her if we are using a childminder as she should be informed of her daughters whereabouts. She’s not shown up to contact and not been interested in her whereabouts whatsoever, it is literally just to assert control. We have had to put her in a childminders before work, costing us £400.00 a month in order to be able to keep our jobs. I just think it’s outrageous that when she doesn’t financially contribute and is not part of the arrangement whatsoever that she feels we need her approval first?! It’s her sense of entitlement to being involved when she doesn’t show up that infuriates me. If she was part of SD daily life and any part of parenting then she would have been informed, but she isn’t. He hasn’t replied - but will be. What would people respond?! Tempted to respond and say, would you like a backdated account of her whereabouts for the past nine months when you haven’t been interested? We will send you the invoice if you want to be part of the arrangement.

Show your support

Would you feel comfortable your SD having contact with her mum? Not sure what her situation is. I would say something along the lines of ‘If you can come up with a plan of how you will resume regular contact and provide contribution for SD and this is happening consistently then I will be happy to include you in these things, I would like consistent contact and contribution to be the focus for now and once that is in place we can discuss what further communication is required’

@Hayden that’s a great reply. Yes, we have been trying for a consistent contact arrangement for some time but she is so unreliable and has just had her other child go to live with their dad under social services recommendations due to her alcoholism. She’s doesn’t drink everyday but goes on week long benders every month or so. We have approached maintenance and she just said no. And we have tried contacting before when she’s disappeared and she just ignores, and then has the audacity to say she expects to be informed.

I'd say you are welcome to contribute to the cost of childcare then of course we will involve you 😅

Have you gone through CMS? It’s worth doing even if you think it’s a small amount as if starts declaring more than the amount will change. Sorry you’re going through this sounds so stressful, your SD is lucky to have a consistent family in you.

Thank you. Yes we have considered CMS out of principle, but think she will probably still not pay!

So my sister went through CMS over ten years ago but similarly he didn’t declare his earnings so it was always minimum and he never paid. He also has never bothered with seeing his children. Anyway that was at least ten years ago. Fairly recently he has tried contacting his kids who are all now adults and in one message he said he has worked everyday for his children. I told my sister to contact inland revenue and have him investigated for tax evasion. Sometimes it’s all about the long game 😊

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌