Just venting. (I know sorry it’s a long post to whoever wants to read this vent)

My boyfriend is very emotionally abusive and verbally abusive to me I can’t have friends especially not guys I can hardly see my family I can’t go out with my family I can’t help my parents at work I can’t see my only friend that’s a girl and I can’t go out with her Because he always threatens that if I leave he’s going to take the kids away from me since there’s no court order and if I ever left with the kids, him and his family always threatening that they have family lawyers that will help him get full custody of the kids and they know what bad things to say about me in court and would use my diagnosis of ADHD against me in court and that he would get custody of the kids easily because he has a place a car and a job and I have nothing and the apartment we live in he’s head of the household and threatens to throw me out if I leave or go out by myself or with the kids. I have been putting up with this for years and I just feel trapped and stuck and hopeless and powerless here he doesn’t even appreciate that I’ve never done anything behind his back when he has cheated on me more than once in the past even while I was pregnant and I even had to stop talking and block all my friends I used to have in the beginning when we first met he’s always constantly checking my phone he’s always constantly checking what I’m doing on the Internet the times when I do see my family he’s constantly just calling me and asking me what am I doing am I really at my family‘s house and stuff like that and when I come home on the days I do see my family he starts questioning me and getting mad at me. all he does is talk bad about me to his family and neighbors his family talks bad about me too and to the neighbors. I don’t know what to do anymore I want to run away with my kids but I don’t want to feel like this is all my fault. And if anyone is wondering what the bad things he saying about me to his family and neighbors these are the things he’s saying to everyone #1 I don’t cook (But yet I have several pictures of the different meals I make for my kids)#2 I don’t clean. (I clean when I can because kids are always gonna make messes I have three kids a seven-year-old a six-year-old and a three-year-old two are special needs and of course when it’s spills or certain messes I clean it up right away but usually when it’s bedtime is the best time to clean because they are in bed but he thinks just because I’m not constantly cleaning and he wants things to be spic and span squeaky clean he’s telling everyone that I’m lazy and I don’t clean) #3 the kids aren’t getting a proper education because of my decision.(they are doing an online school called K 12 and I am the kids learning coach I made the decision for my kids to enroll in an online school because of all the school shootings that have been happening but him and his family don’t believe it’s a proper education) #4 I don’t do anything all day and that he’s having to be the mother and father in this relationship and household (Im a stay at home mom there’s no such thing as I’m not doing anything all day) #5 I over exaggerate when he disciplines spanks the kids. (yes I know everyone has their own disciplining ways but I don’t hit or spank my kids I have other ways to show them right from wrong without yelling and hitting like the way he does) well those are the things he says about me to his family and now his family is all telling each other these things and now even the neighbors around here are hearing these bad things about me without them even really knowing me