Family isn’t fond of my husband anymore… what do I do?

My brother and sister don’t care for him at the moment because he’s too opinionated and apparently the rest of the family thinks he is too. That’s news to me that they all have the same feelings about that. I wish they would’ve told me sooner instead of me hearing about it through others now that they’re mad. My brother and husband were super close and now they don’t speak at all because my brother thinks we don’t like his gf who he wants to marry someday. I, and my husband, don’t mind her, but she doesn’t talk. You have to initiate every conversation and she replies as short as possible and never continues the conversation. At first we chalked it up to shyness, but 5 years later and she’s still like this. Also, others have mentioned it to me so it’s not just us she does this to. Gives off the impression maybe she doesn’t care to talk to the family. She is sweet and funny, but like how is it that hard to talk to your bf’s family? Anyway, I’ve slowly not cared much for her and I’m assuming my brother felt it. Well, he’s been distant and it’s been awkward coming up to a year. I do think my husband can come off as intense sometimes and he’s someone who states how he feels with little sugar coating. Not to be a douche, it’s just how he is… I think some of his comments over the years have rubbed my brother and sister the wrong way and now it’s boiled over into this mess. I never mention things to my brother about his gf because I know he loves her and I am happy for him and would rather keep our relationship solid. I also try not to get into anything too sour with my sister because I know she can get upset or offended easily. They both call me an a-hole because I’m too blunt or “don’t hear the way I say things sometimes.” They’re allowed to say whatever they want whilst I should know better and bite my tongue. Even if it’s about my own husband. Their minds are set on whatever topic but I’m wrong when I try to defend or explain him in the situation at hand. I always end up apologizing to them… I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been going on for a while and I’m over it to where I’m just hurt and want to be alone. This time around, my brother told my sister everything we were talking about and it hurt her feelings and she didn’t tell me until after the weekend once she was home so we had an awkward holiday weekend with her and she was easily annoyed with my little ones (1&3) and talked on the phone almost the whole time while she was visiting. Not to mention, she never told us she changed her itinerary to stay somewhere else and just spent a few hours with us 2/4 days. Here I am wondering what in the world happened never thinking my brother told her everything we were talking about. Btw, my family’s always been super close so this sucks!

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How you've described your husband is pretty much how I'd describe my fiance tbh! It's not a terrible thing to be opinionated at all, but I guess it can be annoying if you try to force your opinion onto other people, which we all need to be mindful of. It's sad about your brother, but if this was me (I have 2 brothers) I'd absolutely ask him if we can have a conversation and sort things out, just the 2 of us.

@Rebecca I guess I’m okay with it, like you, that’s how I can be with him lol but my brother and sister are more sensitive in general so they get with people less likely to be so forward I guess. I do know it’s a lot when you’re not used to it, I remind him to chill sometimes cus he can get focused on whatever topic and really dive deep. He’ll learn all about whatever he’s into and to me, that’s pretty cool because I do it too. Last time my brother went off on me was the day after my child’s birthday. I thought everything went amazingly only to find out he was uncomfortable the whole time and he surely let me know. My siblings 3-way called me to let me know (my sis couldn’t make it) and I tried calling him solo afterward and he never called me or texted me back and I heard from him like a week later for something else. Ive tried FaceTiming him a few times this weekend so my children could say happy Easter but he never once called back or replied to me and had the nerve to go…

@Rebecca go off through text but now can’t talk on the phone because he’s working. He’s making it hard to be okay again…

I can empathize. I would stop trying to be the middle man. You don’t have to go no contact, but I wouldn’t try to solve their relationship. My brothers haven’t talked to me for years for disliking my husband who has actually been a wonderful and supportive husband and father. But my family grew up under narcissism and my brothers refuse to admit with their faults are. However it started with my mother who didn’t like that I was no longer under her control and she began to poison everyone around us.. I stood by my husband. My brothers haven’t been around me for years and even though one lives fifteen minutes away…. Nada. I have since just let it be. I hold no grudge with them but I also don’t try to fix everyone’s emotional issues. I do not go anywhere my husband isn’t allowed and if my siblings don’t want to be around that’s on them. We’ve offered multiple times to try to mend things over but they refuse so that’s on them. I’m happy with my home and husband. He is the man I chose

Sounds like family drama lol, and honestly unless your husband has directly offended one of your family members they should just get over it and be cordial because they love you and as long as you are truly happy then get over it! You get over how indifferent your brothers fiance is because you love him. You can't always be perfect. And for your brother to go behind your back and tell your sister stuff you said is petty. Also it sounds like they probably talk behind your back all the time given they be 3 way calling you to talk shit 🤣 If your husband makes you happy then don't let your family ruin it for you unless they were directly impacted by him. My sister has been with a few guys like this and yeah it can be annoying but I get over it bc I love her and she seems happy and it ain't hurting me. Honestly my fiance gets like this too and I would rather him be himself than put on some act for my family. He is never disrespectful, just not afraid to say how he thinks about something. There is a difference.

Hmm,yeah your brother sounds like he is being deliberately difficult tbh. If your husband is a good man but can be slightly annoying (like we all can be) then I think your siblings are being overly harsh here!

It really seems like you are the only one trying to put some effort. That’s a shame :/ Don’t loose your energy in that, they love you you are their sister at the end, they will go back hopefully but let them do the steps. I would just keep sending like presents for occasion, invitations, pictures, cards… but without waiting anything back, more for my peace of mind like “I did my part, up to them now”. And then hopefully with some time they will be back ! So sad because you seem a really loving caring sister, I hope they will realise their luck !

It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of hurt and frustration right now, and honestly, I can’t blame you. Family dynamics get messy, especially when communication breaks down and everyone’s walking around with hurt feelings they don’t talk about directly. You’ve been trying to keep the peace while feeling stuck in the middle, and that’s exhausting. At some point, it might help to step back and protect your own peace — you can’t fix everything, and you shouldn’t have to keep apologizing just to smooth things over. Let them feel however they feel. You know where you stand, and that’s enough. When they’re ready to actually talk things out like adults (not through secondhand drama), you’ll be there. Until then, take care of yourself and your own little family first

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