Think I'm checked out of longterm marriage..

It's been a few years I've felt like we are friends, & maybe doing it for our kid/ economy etc. It's how he talks to me on a daily basis & I just feel like he isn't Inlove with me which.. is fine.. but I can't pretend anymore. He comes to our bedroom bc I can't do this anymore, his family is all here for his birthday & I literally can't be around anyone like this. I'm a fucking mess. It's the tone, the attitude, it just feels like he does not genuinely love me or inlove with me. I'm trying not to be selfish but idk how to show him I can't do this anymore. He says the reason he's mad or rude to me is because I can't bring laundry up 3 flights of stairs right now. My placenta is blocking my cervix. I cannot carry more than 18lbs. I am a fit in shape woman & you don't think this isn't killing me? My reason is his tone, I can't tell you the last time I wasn't depressed about how he speaks to me. I clean my house throughout the week. I deep clean bathrooms every week. Let's talk about picking up after him daily bc If I let that go I mean.. it'd be filthy with cans of soda etc. But no, I do nothing! In fact he says I've been this way our entire relationship 9 years. He is referring to when he is rude & gross towards me fighting me on why he's right about anything in the world.. I can't tell you the last time he was like "oh wow yeah that makes sense" no I'm wrong about everything and that's his personality & I can't do this anymore. I'm 24 weeks pregnant & I'm lately coming home, & right to my bed because I'm literally a fucking mess guys. I take our daughter to daycare every day, I get her ready every day, I make sure she gets to doctor appointments, dentist, on top of now myself OB, I do the grocery.. I do the holiday shopping.. I work fulltime.. I mean should I continue?. I'm just done. I don't see anywhere at any point, I do nothing. & I'm fucking disgusted by that comment. He's mad I do nothing lol 😆 😂 🤣 I'm ready to separate just needed to vent. Its been like this for about 2 years now & I don't feel like any ounce of him is inlove with me genuinely as much as I love him. Which is fine I'm done pretending we are a family, I'm done pretending the way he talks to me is okay, always annoyed or pissy.. it's how his dad is & mom! I love my MIL but same. I'm angry it took me 9 years to realize this is abusive, I'm sure it is. But at the same time we could have just fallen out of love.. & neither of us want to let go. Well, let me help him! Lol Idk if anyone's been in this spot. It's not toxic. But it's not okay. & the only relief I have right now is the thought of not being near him.

Show your support

Don't do anything while you're pregnant.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re doing a great job not just with the house but with your daughter. I know hormones are in full effect but it doesn’t excuse his wrong doings and his disrespect. I think it might help if you write down all the things that bother you and you want to tell him but don’t share it and after you deliver and recover if you feel the same than hopefully you can make a clear decision of what you want to do. Also pray there’s nothing that Jesus can’t fix❤️

So sorry to hear this and more so because you are pregnant as well. I went through this and it also took 9 years to say enough is enough with a verbally abusive and unhealthy relationship with the father of my two kids. I did leave, I got help from family and things started to fall into place along with feeling like myself again out of that relationship. It’s not impossible, it is hard but it’s worth it for your own sanity and the well being of your kids as well. I was very depressed in that relationship and I found a way to work on myself after since I had more time not busy taking care of him as well as the kids and everything else expected of a woman/wife while all the man has to do is supposedly just work. People like this don’t change unfortunately. You are not alone, there is hope and a solution 🩷

Do you have family nearby or someone you can stay with for a few days? I agree that you shouldn't make any big decisions while pregnant but that doesn't mean you can't try to give him a wakeup call by leaving him in his own home to clean up and cook and take care of himself a few days

Thanking every one of you. You have no idea how much it means I'm not alone in this area. It's hard, it's embarrassing to think I've gone this long. I think I'll definitely go stay with my grandma & dad for an entire weekend. I'm sure they'll catch on lol but everyone as far as our close friends/ family all think we are this super amazing sweet endearing family. & behind my safe home we've cultivated, just from 3 years of being parents with our first.. it's been non stop attitude, snide comments, annoyed tone, never is he sweet or nice.. & I fucking can't do it anymore lol. I think about how different it was for such a long time for us. But again I do fear he's fallen out with me but doesn't want to admit that either. Nor face that if that makes sense.. I'd much rather peel the bandaid off and see if we should separate. It's just such a tough spot to be in. I'll be okay financially, I'll be able to either live with 3 close family no issue (they have no idea lol, but I'm supported.) Tysm 😢❤️ so done.

That sounds awful, I would be blunt and ask him if he would prefer you carry heavy laundry up the stairs that could potentially risk the pregnancy. I would also start looking at another birth partner because it sounds like if your are concerned about anything you may be told your exaggerating and be refused to be taken hospital etc. He doesn’t sound like someone who should be a next of Kin, I couldn’t imagine someone like this being asked to make medical decisions if I’m unable. I would let close family know, as you should prepare to have no help after baby is born, and also if you placenta doesn’t shift it C Section, and how will he be when you physically can’t do anything for 6-8 weeks except care for your baby.

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