Husband on bumble

I would confront him about it without a doubt. Sometimes intention feels more hurtful than actually doing it, especially if this is a repeat of behaviour from a year ago. It also shows he did definitely lie before which is hurtful. He needs to confront why he keeps going back to trying to do this - is he unhappy?

I can't imagine how that must make you feel 😩 I know I'd be livid. I'd definitely confront him about it. The fact he was doing it but also the lying are both really concerning behaviours! The only thing I can suggest is couples therapy to see if you can get to the bottom of it. He obviously has his 'reasons' for doing it. Like maybe he feels he's not getting enough of the relationship, or maybe he's just a plain old pig 🤷‍♀️ but either way, you need to get to the bottom of it!! And he might not openly talk to you. Having someone else to mediate can be helpful, if he's willing to engage!

@Shanice this but make sure to confront his calmly with all the evidence. Write it down if you must

@Jodie without a doubt. Calm is the best way to go into anything like this!

He didnt complete the profile because you cant without adding a pic and it doing a face recognition thing so he flapped it but ultimately the intention was there so id 100% be confronting him. His obviously not happy to be seeking attention else where so i couldnt trust him. I will drive you insane not to get answers xx

It*

The intention was there 100000% regardless whether he completed it or not. That’s fucked. :/

@Jodie I took screenshots of the search history and that the app was in fact downloaded to his phone . Same way I did on his pof account. I hate confrontation because I know there no real reason or excuse he can give me as to why he downloaded it . Theres legit only one reason , there's nothing else he can tell or convince me otherwise. He literally downloaded it yesterday . And this morning before he left to work he was telling me how much he loved me 🙄 I couldn't confront him atm. I've been up all night with my baby and haven't slept a peep and its 6:30 am 😞.

Yeah, definitely wait until it’s a good time to discuss it. Even if you have to ask someone to watch LO for a bit. Make sure that if you’ve made a decision about important boundaries you’d like to set or even if you’d like to leave that you stick to it and don’t let him change your mind. If you say you want to leave he might even talk about the sake of your LO. Remember that it’s better for LO for you to leave an unhappy/ unhealthy relationship than to stay but if you think you can make it work, set those clear boundaries

@Shanice because I'm a petty person at times I'll just tell him "since you can't seem to not be on these websites maybe we should be in a open marriage and I'll create an account too" problem solved . Now I won't feel betrayed if I'm doing it to you too. See how he likes it when the roles are reversed. I'll legit download the app and make an account and be on it right in front of him . 🙃

As much as my petty side is cheering this on, in a marriage those actions will breed a really unhappy space. If he can’t trust himself and you can’t trust him, separating may end up being the best option for your family xx

You can treat the situation with dignity and class by sitting him down at the right time and having an open dialog about adultery. I do this with my husband at least once a year. We discuss topics like our marriage expectations and what would happen if this or that happens in our marriage. ONCE I EVEN TOLD MY HUSBAND if he has an affair that I wouldn't leave him for our kids sake, BUT it will forever extinguish that passionate honeymoon-like romantic love I once had for him, and I would cease to respect him as a husband... I continued to say that a man without discipline and self control is not worth respecting and in fact isn't a man at all. He looked at me with shock and surprise like he heard something out of this world, but then he completely agreed with me. Maybe tell your husband that too. He'll think twice before he acts. Men value a woman's adoration and respect

@Cassandra this is utterly the worst advice going 🤣

@Cassandra horrible advice, no offense. Why in the hell should she pamper him when he is fucking around on her?? Nah.

I said create a fake account start talking to him see how far it will go

If this was my husband. I would like to know where he would like his chopped off balls to hang from.

@Cassandra advising someone to take on the emotional stress and trauma of their partner wanting to stray from home, and instead of healing together, taking on the weight of now having to be 10/10 everyday in the hopes that will keep them, is unhealthy. If he needs something from his wife, he needs to be adult enough to voice that. If he can’t, he should leave. Relationships have to be fair. Your advice doesn’t feel fair at all

@Cassandra “godly”. Gross. Outdated traditions that mean neither party is actually ever fully happy, since you’re putting yourself out for someone else’s mistakes and they never actually get to a stage of speaking on why they made those mistakes. Do you.

@Cassandra you literally said to pamper and care for someone EVEN MORE than you normally would because they completely disrespected you. Because they broke your heart and betrayed you. The only reason I’d do what you said is to make the mm horribly guilty about it then eventually leave with all the pity gifts. Petty? Yeah but my number one piece of advice would be confront him with all the evidence

@Cassandra Godly? Yeah no. It’s stupid and ridiculous.

He wouldn’t be my husband anymore

It’s tough because bumble can be used to make friendships, HOWEVER if he’s searched top ‘dating websites’ then he’s definitely trying to use it as a form of cheating. I’d confront him, what a knob.

@Cassandra wow 😳 why doesn’t she give him a pat on the back and a congratulatory BJ to boot?! Come on girl his behaviour is abhorrent!!!

@Sarah seriously. Like awww you deserve alllllllll the good treatment and loving things for downloading a dating app whilst married to me. Congratulations! Oh and here’s a cookie too. What a trash recommendation. God the way my mouth hung open reading it.

I would sit down and have a conversation about it, I would 100% let him know what I seen, and I wouldn’t create a fake account either…..if he’s not acting on it and u approach him as someone else then thats just making things worse, be an adult, be civil till you know the facts and take it from there to see where things are going. Hope you get it sorted x

@Darian mine too 😂😂😂 I mean personally I feel like it’s reinforcing and encouraging the bad behaviour too! Baffled

this entire thread was very entertaining to read 😂 also obv confront him. don’t listen to that dumbass advice about being “selfless”.

@Cassandra 😂😂😂 if my man did that the last thing I would do is support him.

Well there is already no trust. He’s broken it by lying. It sounds like he is cheating or fishing to. He’s looking for other real people to start something with. I would have in depth talks with him, a meeting about it and then either decide therapy or divorce. Try to talk from a place of understanding, and see why he is doing it for real. Is he looking for attention due to insecurity, is he really unhappy and bored? Would separating be best?

He can love you and still cheat on you. He is clearly bored and looking for fun elsewhere, so you better confront him straight away and don’t just wait for the right moment. Stand your ground girl!

So as crazy as it sounds I agree with @Cassandra. It sounds like he's unhappy and doesn't know what to do, this is good because the line hasn't been crossed yet. My advice, really ask yourself what's changed on your part of the relationship. Have you been giving him less attention? Nagging him? Less seggs time, Etc.. and begin the change. Start treating him like when you first started dating and healing the relationship. Make him feel wanted!! Men need this... Marriage is not easy, and it takes work. When you make that change, he will also begin making a change if he is also coming up short in parts of the marriage/intimacy. Obviously, there is absolutely no excuse for cheating, but not very many people know how to handle the situation. The reason there are so many broken families out there is because people give up on something that should be fixed.

@Cassandra each to their own you’re entitled to your own opinion and people have made it clear it’s not helpful- but I think people should back off on Cassandra it’s coming off as bullying now. She said her piece if you don’t agree with it don’t “heart” her comment but let’s not bring each other down please 🙏🏻

@Monika someone who loves you wouldn’t cheat. I really don’t believe he loves her. I believe if he did he would try everything to work on the relationship and wouldn’t resort to cheating. Usually by the time cheating has officially occurred, the relationship is at a total loss. I do think that if it’s just fishing and not physical or emotional cheating yet that it can still be salvaged.

Instead of being petty and threatening… get to the base. Find out why he’s on these dating apps? Is there something wrong in the relationship. Do you both need to work harder on an aspect. He didn’t cheat! Simply curious. (As most men are) my rule is you can look you just can’t touch! He married you for a reason! Maybe you guys are just missing a spark that he craves. If he doesn’t have a decent answer for you or is straight rude, then sure. Be petty and wild. But I think you should understand where it’s coming from and focus on improving so it doesn’t happen again. And if it does happen again, maybe consider moving on.

@Marelyn yes, except the guy also searched for 'dating' websites beforehand 😬

@Shanice I was just going to say the same. The therapist in me was screaming when I read that advice.

You don’t confront a man like this. You take what you saw for what it is and you set up a life that doesn’t include him silently. No need to alarm him. This is the second instance not the first, if you bring it to his attention he’ll just find smarter ways to cheat. You pretend nothings wrong, put money to the side, start drawing a board of what additional support you can get from family, etc create an entire life he’s not apart of mentally and in a few months check the most recent downloaded apps. Redownload bumble, & when you do, don’t be surprised at what you find. He didn’t search up the best friendship, or platonic connection apps he searched up the best dating apps. Even if he didn’t “cheat” unless you’ve discussed your relationship recently & he’s been forthcoming about issues in the relationship he’d like you guys to improve/ change which still doesn’t excuse this his intentions shows that he was willing to step out of your marriage, with no consideration of you to fill a void.

This is so tough. I do believe men get bored and do dumb things without thinking. The fact that he didn't complete his profile to me means that he does still love you, and it's worth seeking help for. Especially with children in the mix, men can feel neglected. I'm not saying it's okay, because the behavior is not. Something needs to be investigated a little more. WITH THAT BEING SAID, if he ever did complete that profile or I caught actual conversations/proof of cheating it would be over for me.

Honestly if this was my husband I would confront him by asking why he would search up top dating sites but not mention the bumble thing, then I would ask why he would compromise our relationship/marriage if there was something I had done to bring on this behavior. I would then ask if there are somethings he feels needs to be changed, my hubby and I were having conflicts because of personal matters but we talked out what each of us could do to help straighten out our relationship and make things better. That is how I would handle it but if he had finished up things and I found him cheating then that would be a whole different matter

@Cassandra im sorry for all the people on here trashing you. While I dont necessarily think I would do what you recommended, I also think you have valid points. Sometimes, ladies, we have to look inward. Is there something we are doing that could be making our partners eyes wander? No, I dont mean in a toxic people pleasing way. I'll be honest - I am NOT the woman my fiance proposed to anymore. I have PPD/PPA and it turned my entire personality inside out. There are things that I used to do that filled my mans love bucket that I dont do much anymore. There are things he used to do that filled mine. To OP, I say yes you can think inward but at the end of the day .. this man has downloaded a dating app twice now WHILE you two are married. If he is seriously considering dating someone else you deserve to be broken up with first, NOT AFTER

Divorced here. You need to confront the reasons behind his actions. If your marriage was good or you're both on the same page, this wouldn't be happening. My suggestion would be not to attack the bumble itself.. he will shut down. Confront the real issue... What communication barriers do you two have? Why does he feel the need to test the waters? What connection is he missing with you? Etc

Right I know men and women are different but regardless I'm not out there making dating accounts because my "needs" arnt being met. Y'all asked what's changed well I had a baby 6 weeks ago my 4th his 2nd baby . I have two from a previous so we're always pretty busy. He's works a ton and when he gets home he showers eats and off the bed and does it all again the next day. I'm pretty attentive to his "needs" I guess you can say . I wash his clothes put them out for him makes sure he eats . I know our sex life is not where it usually was at one point but like I said I just had a baby that's going to have to wait and if he can't wait because I just gave birth to a whole human than he's a pos ovbi. Idk I hate to ask myself what am I doing wrong because I know I'm not doing shit wrong he's just being selfish right now.

He's been a lot more jealous which usually isn't like him . I've lost a fair amount of weight after I had baby along with breast feeding. And he's gained a fair amount . I know he didn't finish the account like last time but the intention was still there , he was probably sitting at the toilet and downloaded it and once it got to the picture part backed out . Maybe he felt like he was doing something wrong . Regardless it's a second time that's what baffles me like you didn't learn the first time?

I would take screenshots, send it to myself, delete his profile and be nice the next day and casually say. Btw why did you download that app? I deleted it. So he knows he cant get away with anything he ever does. Listen if he didn’t go through with it, he must have had a change of heart….

I doubt he would actually meet someone as you are all busy and we all know most guys on apps are time wasters. He probably feels a bit caged in with work commitments and multiple kids so he wants to have casual chats. Try and push him a different direction, like a hobby.

Sometimes it's not what you're doing wrong. You could be doing everything right, and he would still stray. Don't be TOO hard on yourself.

He didn’t add the picture because he knew that if he did he could probably be recognized (caught) & he didn’t complete the profile because w|o a picture he won’t really get responses or any play on the site from other woman. Intentions are there I would definitely confront him , because who knows what else he could be doing. good luck

I’d take screenshots and send it to myself and then leave it downloaded and open to the picture part and then see if he says anything…maybe even ask him if there’s anything he’d like to say