MIL keeps calling me fat and making other uncomfortable comments

I'll keep this simple and quick. My MIL the very very first time she met me didn't make any attempt to get to know me. Didn't ask about me or my family or my upbringing. Didn't ask where i was born and raised. Nothing like that. Literally the very first thing she said to me was that i need to eat healthier. Now she knows absolutely nothing about me. I am on the heavier side and i have been since i was little. It has haunted me my entire life. I have thyroid issues and all i ever do it try to eat healthy. She's continued to make many comments about how i need to work out more and eat healthy but she doesn't know that all i do is try to eat healthy. I suffered three very horrible miscarriages before i finally got pregnant with my baby. It took us 4 years to conceive. My midwives and doctors told me to rest as much as i could and all my MIL did was pester me to get up and be active and "stop being lazy." And to work out while pregnant. She came to visit us when i was about 25 weeks pregnant and we went out to brunch. I wasn't feeling all that well but i had been craving a Belgian waffle for months and so i ordered one. When it came back it was your typical huge waffle from a diner and while she ordered way more food than i did she made a comment "wow you can tell she's eating for two." Which upset me a little more than it should have. She's also made a lot of snobby comments about the name we picked out for our baby. I named my Son after my grandfather. My grandfather raised me and my Dad was never in the picture. I know it sounds corny but i really wouldn't be where i am today without my grandfather. My husbands Dad also wasn't in the picture and my husband took my last name since he didn't want to be associated with his Dad. His Mom made comments like "wow so your son doesn't have any name to resemble you? That's sad." And "you should give your son my last name." That one seriously made me mad. But the icing on the cake was when she assumed i didn't know how to cook. I come from a polish family, all we do is cook but because she never saw me cook for her she just up and assumed that i couldn't cook. That made me furious. My husband just ignores his mom half of the time but its really hard for me to ignore comments like those. She has also refused my boundaries that I've set with my baby so i have half a mind to just not let her around my baby. She didn't refer to me as her daughter in law until months after i had a baby too. Even when my husband and I got married she always referred to me as "the girlfriend." But anyway i still don't know if i want to let her be around my baby or not. Not just because of the things she said but because she wont tell us if she's been vaccinated for whooping cough and anything else. She keeps ghosting us or immediately talks about something else when we bring it up. And i feel like if she did come to see us she wouldn't listen to my boundaries and she would start to kiss my baby and not give him back to me when i ask. I feel really uncomfortable.

Show your support

I would make her feel uncomfortable right back and tell her stuff like thick thighs saves lives or the weight doesn't bother you son while I'm riding him. Or that he hasn't Suffocated between your thighs yet so your good.

I am so sorry. Your husband really needs to stand up here. Do you see a therapist? Honestly another option to to ask your OB to talk to him during an appointment. Ask about your support system and any stresses in front of him so you can mention some of the things. Any medical professional would tell you that you need to limit your interactions with her for your health while pregnant. You will also be dealing with so many hormones postpartum. Your husband needs to understand who is more important- your or her, the family he comes from or the one he has made. Your child could be forever damaged if hearing her food comments from a young age, whether directed at you or her. I’m so so sorry

@Ali i completely agree! And while my husband doesn't really stand up for me towards her and simply decides to ignore her he does understand that she makes me very uncomfortable and i do not believe she will be good around our Son. And his mom lives over 650 miles away from us and has only visited us twice. His Mom is the only person from his side of the family that he talks to and i would hate to tell him to stop talking to his own Mom completely. I'm 5 months pp and a lot of things she has said still bothers me. My husband and I's anniversary is coming up next month and she made comments about how she wants to come visit. We told her "No, that's our anniversary." And she acted baffled as if anniversaries aren't important and we were weird for having one. I'm very very tempted to just tell her she can't visit.

He really does need to say something though! I understand it’s his mother but being mean is being mean. She can’t be a mean girl and get away with it just because she’s family. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this

Maybe consider telling your husband that if/when she visits, he had better stand up for you when his mom makes rude comments, otherwise you don't want her visiting anymore and he can just go visit her on his own.

I’d let her come visit and take baby to see your family while she’s there to visit and just not tell her 😂 if she wants to be a bitch and your husband won’t stand up to her, I’d just be a bitch right back

“What a very rude and disrespectful comment you’ve made, why do you talk to people like that?” Call her our point blank. “If you make disrespectful comments like this to me again, I will not allow you near me or my child.” Your husband can still have a relationship with her without her mentally abusing you or seeing your child. If you want to be extra powerful clap back about how old she looks. How she orders so much food and is a total vacuum. “Wow you have a lot of wrinkles! It must be all the disrespectful comments you make about others catching up to you.”

I think she might want to watch the baby for your guy’s anniversary. Definitely don’t allow her to considering the broken trust and all of the inconsiderate comments she has made but maybe that’s why she wants to come over

@Lindsey i really don't think she wants to. The way she reacted when she told us she wanted to come over on a specific date and i told her that was my Husband and I's anniversary she acted like i was weird for having an anniversary. She acted like it was so bizarre to have an anniversary! It was so weird.

@Janeé for what its worth I'm so proud of you for standing up to her!!

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌