Not feeling on the same page

Hello, I have a soon to be 2 year old with my husband and we've recently had conversations about whether we are going to try for another baby. In these conversations my husband has described he finds life relentless. He works full time in a quite intense role whilst I work part time and am a sahm on the other days. I guess I feel that relentless seems a negative way to describe our life. Our son brings a lot of joy to our lives although of course I agree life with a toddler can be challenging at times. We don't live near family so we don't have help or have been able to have a date/time to reconnect. He finds it difficult to switch off and if the house is messy or there's stuff to do that seems to be adding to his mental load. I try to keep up with chores but I will prioritise time with our child or my own self care sometimes because I need that for my own MH. I've tried to encourage him to switch off and take time for his hobbies so he can have that but he is finding that hard to do alongside work/parenting/household chores. Has this come up in your families? Whilst we would both love to add to our family, I just don't see how that's a good idea to add a newborn into the mix at the moment. Any advice? Is this how most people feel and I'm overthinking? Thank you

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I think it's not time for another baby, until both partners are feeling ready. It sounds like your husband has more stress coming from his job than from his family, but you know your situation best, I'm just going by what you've shared. This is a valid reason for him to be having a difficult time though, I know I myself have been feeling similar and I'm like the maternal type who wants all the babies. You are not alone in a lot of this. We have a girl the same age, no family around. We both work full time, but he is Mon-Fri and I work strange hours to be able to look after the lo the rest of the time. As a result we save money and get to spend quality one to one time with her, but date nights are reduced to half an hour of TV and snacks after she goes to sleep and don't get me started on the state of the house. While we both find it hard to switch off we're trying because this is temporary. As to how people feel - honestly, it's not circumstantial, it's a state of mind.

Me and my partner had a really hard first child he had many issues and still doesn't sleep through the night it was hard work and still is we caught with our second quicker than we wanted (3weeks) but we made it work and my partner did step up he started sleeping with our toddler so I could sleep and now our second is 7 weeks and life is okay we basically spilt it so I do baby and he does toddler at night and he gets up with toddler before work and I get up at 7 with baby when he leaves (our toddler gets up at 5am) then I do the care in the day and partner is home about 3 or 4pm but toddler nap for 2 hours in afternoon most day so I get that time with baby its hard work but i feel okay, it's all about how you both feel anything is possible but if he is already struggling it would be hard to juggle another and not fair on you either if he can't offer you the support at the moment, lots wait till first is in school before going for a second x

Both my husband and I work full time. Since my LO was born we have been on two dates and recently went on a 3 night holiday abroad as my MIL agreed to take him. My son isn’t a handful. My MIL looks after him full time so I hate to ask her to look after him more but like I said he’s no bother so she loves to have him. I don’t know what it would be like if he was more difficult. We both have our own chores and usually get them done. If things slide a bit one week we let it go. All toys that get played with one of us puts them away while the other gets him ready for bed. We don’t bother tidying before then. I’m 25 weeks pregnant with baby no.2 (unplanned), when I say unplanned I mean it happened a year earlier than we wanted. I would create a plan that will work for you both to get your house in order so at least that’s out of the way. I dedicate a Sunday afternoon for mine while my husband looks after my son. I take my son to two classes on a Saturday and one on a Sunday morning.

Saturdays for my husband is his time to do whatever he wants hobby wise otherwise he just spends time with us. I would recommend watching Michelle Obama on parenting and how your dynamic changes once you have a child. It put everything into perspective for us. You will be able to find it on YouTube. It’s funny because my hobby / free time I’m wanting to spend it with my son. I love going to those classes and being able to see my mum friends as well so for me that’s my time. It’s funny because most of the mums I am friendly with also work full time and would rather do something with their child than have a night / day to themselves. If I want to do something for just me my husband gladly takes my son so I can do whatever and visa versa. Like my husband went on a short break with one of his friends one weekend and he had a great time and so did I. Although as mentioned my son is a joy to be with, if he was difficult I don’t know what I would be like.

Thank you all for replying and sharing your experiences. Our son has his moments - we have a lot of 'no' replies from him right now and he's been teething which maybe is adding to it but overall he's so great and generally sleeps apart from times when teething or poorly. I feel so blessed to have our family even though it can have those challenging times and maybe that's why the word relentless didn't sit right with me. Work has been a lot of pressure for him recently and there's probably been some resentment bubbling for me having more quality time with our son, not being under the same pressure etc. We had a good chat last night and it was helpful to listen to each others perspective. Maybe coming up with more of a plan around chores and sharing time to take for ourselves if we want is a good idea x

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