Feeling like you don’t want to be a mother anymore?

hii, my names chloe i’m a 19 yr old mom of a 2 year old little boy. i don’t wanna come off wrong here, but i just need to get it out and see what to do how to handle what i’m dealing with and i don’t know where else to go. i’m to my point in motherhood where a lot of the past few weeks, i’ve lost my spark to be a parent. i love my boy to death. i could never truly be without him, but i’ve grown to hate motherhood. it’s so depersonalizing. i don’t feel like i even know who i am anymore or what i’m going to do with myself or my future, except being a mom, and there comes the ones who say, “that’s the best you could ever have.” , “motherhood is the most beautiful experience any person could experience.” ,”that should be enough for you.” and you have no choice but to go, “of course, it’s all worth it.” They won’t talk about the isolation. The lose of your identity. The loneliness. The burnout. Feeling like your job as a mother isn’t good enough as everyone else’s jobs but at the same time feeling like it’s more than everyone else’s. The exhaustion of living the same day over and over without any pause for anything, because you are a mother now. why are you griping about the best thing that’s ever came into your life? when you meet people, see family members they ask about the baby, not you. you exist, but only as a shadow of your child. No one cares how you are, what’s going on in your life, what’s on your mind, what your interests are as a person. All they can do is grip and criticize how you care for your child. You spend the rest of your day making sure they wake up early enough else it’s unhealthy no matter how tired you are, dealing with their fullest amount of energy once they wake up wether you slept that night or not, cleaning up after them, making food, making sure they did enough activities that day, else you “don’t care” and you’re “selfish”, “lazy” you read them the same books over and over, taking dirty clothes off them, changing dirty diapers, giving baths, putting on clean diapers while they fight you, putting clean clothes on them while they fight you, washing and putting away clothes for them, trying to convince them to go to bed, dealing with meltdowns, washing their dishes, washing their hands while they scream, try and convince them to eat their snacks and meals, and all this while you watch them like a hawk 24/7. and while you do that you have to make sure they get the correct amount of attention they need from you that isn’t yelling at them to hold still or not scream at you, or stay out of the drawers and off the counter while you simply try to pee. having to put on a smile and talk to yourself child in the sweet uppity voice while you’re having a meltdown of your own. because whatever the baby needs “comes first” you never get a moment to yourself to breath. you can’t shower alone, use the restroom alone, go anywhere alone, do anything by yourself. you can’t open up to anyone about how you’re feeling, the baby is the priority and most important thing, it’s immature and selfish to complain or try and express any negative emotions being a mother makes you feel. when you do all you get it is “it’s worth it right?” ,”that’s what being a parent is”, “it’s life”, “you have to sacrifice” and “sorry it’s hard.” then right back to how the baby is doing and how they have just lite up your life. you’re alone. you’re old friends who are child free have no idea what you’re talking about when you try and explain what you’re going through, and any mom friends you do have, don’t have the time to text you back or hang out or meet up to even have that kind of conversation to begin with. your husband, or partner is too tired from work and doesn’t understand what you’re feeling or say either. your parents say “i dealt with that too, you’ll get through it.” and when you do get the chance to really talk to anyone it’s all just about the baby. “Your life becomes an endless stream of anxiety and tension as you try to keep your baby alive, happy, and healthy while being badgered on all sides by people who judge and check on you, without helping.” but again it would be selfish to say any of those things out loud in the first place right? It would make you a bad mother. you find yourself hardly able to hold conversations with people because you’re with no one but your baby all day who can’t even hardly form a sentence. so when and if you do finally get the chance to hold even a good conversation or quality time with someone you don’t know what to say or you’re too eager. and when that happens it’s usually when your baby is finally been put to bed, (if they sleep through the night) and everyone else is tired and exhausted from their own lives and expect you to be exhausted too. and you are, but you’re desperate for connection and to be heard, to be seen. i’ll be putting my son to bed and when he’s finally down and it’s time for me to get in bed myself i find my husband already asleep. i miss him. i wan to hold him, him to hold me, i wanna talk, interact with him without it being just about the baby, but i feel terrible cause he’s exhausted and has to wake up early. i find myself laying there staring at the ceiling, my body full of adrenaline and excitement cuz it’s the first time i’ve gotten any time to myself and i don’t even know what to do with it except think about how me not sleeping is the whole reason i am having so many problems with my child and how i’m doing this all to myself. until my body shuts off and i fall asleep and then the cycle repeats the next day over and over. day after day. week after week. all this and you’re supposed to be completely fulfilled by motherhood alone. if you even suggest you’re not, what kind of mother even are you? i just need my spark for being a mother back, but how do i get it?

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Sending you so much love. Do you think you're experiencing a form of PPD? Are you overwhelmed? Doing it alone?

First, all those negative thoughts of how people are judging you need to go. You are a good mom. Secondly, yes, if you can, you need you time and your own hobbies. I do about an hour a day. Those two things will really help you right now and in the future. But I get it because I don't have any friends either and I probably over share with strangers at the grocery store. I do think therapy could help too.

I feel your pain so much i am miserable 😩 I keep trying to enjoy being a mum but I hate it I am exhausted im sat on my door step crying because my baby has woken up at 5 am and is making so much noise, my back is in agony since I had my baby I don’t sleep I look like shit all the time I struggle to keep up with the house I just can’t seem to catch up, I just think motherhood isn’t for some people coz some mothers love it I just don’t it’s constant effort to be a good mum and im tired, I miss my bf so much I feel like we dont see eachother anymore just take turns looking after the baby she’s 16moths now I just need it too get easier I need to sleep, you are not alone 😘 x

First of all, you are so brave for putting this out here and I admire how eloquently you put your situation 💓 Then...have you talked to your partner about this? Is he maybe able to get you at least a few moments a day to just decompress, breathe, meditate... Focus on yourself? Also, I personally really need to talk so sometimes when it all became too much during times of deepest depression I called a hotline. I even called 988 (suicide prevention hotline) and they've been nice to me. There's resources out there, even a chat therapy option, just to get it off your chest. But yes. You're absolutely right, mother's are sometimes invisible and we all need to advocate for ourselves. Big hug 🤗

Have you tried talking to your husband about how you’re feeling? Sounds like you could do with a break and have some you time too, which is totally fine and necessary for your well-being. You sound like a wonderful mummy who is just tired and overstimulated- be kind to yourself 🤍

This is beautifully articulated and something I think a lot of young moms relate to. I'm just pregnant currently, and even I can relate in certain ways. (People talk to my belly before they talk to me, etc.) And I agree it's absolutely not that I'm not grateful for my daughter and love her to pieces already, but I'm also in mourning as I'm leaving this stage of my life. I will say, my older sister had her daughter at the age I'm having mine (about 22 going on 23) and while she lost a lot of herself at first, she now has her master's and a job she loves. She has the energy and will to explore her passions, and she wholeheartedly loves her daughter still. The younger you are, the longer it takes to find that balance I think, but it'll get easier. My dms are open if you want to talk 1:1 or anything.

I have my days

Just know all your feelings are valid. You expressed how you feel in such a beautiful and perfect manner. I am in my 30s and most of my friends do not have children because they would like to avoid this feeling. I think many moms feel this, and many people dont want to be parents because of this feeling of constant- constant everything at all times. And for those of us who are choosing parenthood or are in parenthood, it is a lot to maintain your selfhood. We haven’t had our baby yet and I’ve gone thru waves of being grateful and then terrified of becoming a mom and loosing myself. All these feelings are normal!! Please don’t let people ever tell you they arent because THEY dont know how to properly process big feelings.

(cont) Now the way to deal with them is to work towards finding yourself again and creating some space sometimes. I think a lot of voices online (like social media and stuff) make it seem like if you dont want to spend 24/7 with your kiddos there is something wrong or they glamorize a sahm lifestyle (which can be wonderful but isnt for everyone!) You will find the kind of lifestyle balance that feels perfectly authentic to you. One of my best friends who is a SAHM sent her kids to a “mothers day out” thing twice a week because it was essential for her to have that space and time for her mental health. Some people love being a SAHM but still need their personal time to be themselves again. All that to say is dont be afraid to carve out what YOU need. That may be space, hobbies, ect. You got this mama, go after whatever you need! And maybe you dont fully know what that is yet and thats okay, slowly try to experiment with things as you’re able. Sending you so much love 🤍✨

I felt this in my soul and so many of us feel these things and feel scared to talk about these things because we are always being scrutinised. I really just want to get give you a massive hug and chit chat about ourselves with a glass of wine/coffee. You also sound like a rockstar of a mum. But you definitely need more support from your husband. You guys are a team. You need speak to him about what you are feeling. Tell him you need time. I love how you wrote this as well. And I love that you didn’t do this incognito.

Wow first off this is relatable AF! I think all us mothers on here can agree to this statement to some extent! and I don’t want to repeat any of what you’ve said, so instead I’m saying KEEP GOING GIRL! ❤️, if you need to talk,vent, I’m here!, we shouldn’t feel like we don’t have anybody to talk too because I know all too well how that feels! I don’t think it’s the case you don’t want to be a mother anymore or not that you’re not overly enjoying motherhood, I feel it’s more the fact you just want some time to yourself, to feel recognised as a person who you was before you had your child, and there’s nothing wrong with that! ❤️

So well written lovely lady and I hear you ♥️ i have felt all these emotions too. Invisible, lost, like my life is no longer my own. It is a tough and lonely journey at times it’s like you give up your life to give them one, nothing can prepare you for it it just comes with the territory. But please know you are not alone in feeling this way I think we can all relate In some way to what you have written. Some days are so tough and lonely but then my daughter makes me laugh, smile and it all feels worth it. It’s a massive life adjustment and it takes time to find your feet again so just breathe and keep going it will get better for you. Don’t doubt yourself it sounds like you are a fantastic mother already so don’t listen to the judgements believe in yourself and your ability to be a good mum 💜happy to talk if you ever need to vent please feel free to message me you’re not alone, keep going strong mumma you got this 💪💕xx

I just read this to my husband as well, as we have both been feeling this way. We are exhausted, alone and sometimes feel like we are really bad parents because we just need a break from her and we pray that she goes to sleep. We both work full time and also try to be as present as possible in her life, but it's just hard. I haven't slept away from her since she was born and even now, at 14 months, I still wake up a couple of times at night to check on her. I really found myself in what you were saying. Thank you for sharing and I have to believe we will start feeling better soon. I love my daughter more than life itself, I would do anything for her, but I feel like I don't know who I am anymore and I think she needs a mothèr who is happy and confident. I will try to work more on myself and just accept that I can never be the mom that I initially imagined I wil be. Maybe that makes me an even better mom, who knows?

You have the right to conplain about maternity. That's right that people in general always shut mother up like:"you wanted it, now you have it". Well yeaaaaah. You wanted a car but yet complain about traffic jam. That's so stupid. Vent everytime you need and shut people that might make you feel bad for doing it. Motherhood is hard and especially when you do everything by yourself... send you higs and love

@Chloe Everett thank you for this. I found your post when I ran a search for “burnout” on the hunt for tips on how to deal with the repetition. You expressed EXACTLY how I feel. My little girl is also 2 and I am just so worn out. So, sorry but I have no words of wisdom but I will be watching this thread in the hopes for some inspiration. Thank you

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