I just needed somewhere to vent... wanting another baby/IVF
We were lucky enough to have our LO through IVF, we have one embryo left that's currently frozen. I've been wanting to go for the transfer for over a year now. I know that time is pushing on, LO is getting older as am I. My husband said he does want another but doesn't feel ready yet, tho he said he wouldn't wake one day and just feel ready when I'd asked him.
As its IVF we both need to sign and consent for obvious reasons, but they did say there's no reason now that we wouldn't get pregnant naturally. Husband would be more interested in that as he said it would make him feel 'more of a man' which is ridiculous but I know what he means. We have had unprotected sex a couple of times lately but I've know it's not been when I'd be fertile or low chances.
I've hoped that those times would have worked but at the same time I've been wanting to use the embryo we have saved, it would only be a 30-40% chance each time, as that's how it works. Tho I would like to use the embryo first and if we don't succeed, have some time left to try naturally before all of my chances run out.
I just feel so down about it and I know my LO would be great with a sibling as they are with their dolls and pretend play. It kills me when LO calls their doll their baby and talks to them like they're real.
Everytime I try approach the topic I feel like I'm stepping on egg shells. Like I say tho, he'd be more happy to go unprotected in the moment which just makes me think eugh why cant he think so freely about going for the transfer.
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Ahh thank you @Rachel I feel like you totally understand and congratulations as a fellow IVF Mummy ❤️🦾. Totally, I do feel like it's always there and I'd just hate to be regretting not trying sooner because I'm/we're wanting to transfer our remaining embryo. That's a good idea about planning to talk, I do kinda mention little things daily, then I stop before he starts feeling like I'm going on. It's just because it means so much and as you say it does lead to feeling like you want to resent them. Today he say 'I might have been thinking' rather than a no, not ready, reply. Maybe I'm slowly wearing him down... or bringing him to his senses 😅 wish me luck, I'll try the arranged chat xx thank you xx
Good luck fellow IVF mama 💕
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Could you try saying to him one morning for example, it's really important to me that we have a proper talk about IVF and our remaining embryo, could we schedule in some time to chat tonight after LO is in bed? I think sometimes as women we feel the time pressure so much more and it looms bigger in our minds than it does in most men's. I think giving some warning ahead means you're not springing the topic on him, he's (hopefully) agreed to talk about it and has had a think during the day about where he stands. I got pregnant with our last remaining embryo but know if there was one in the freezer I would really struggle to let it go. Maybe you could say you'll properly try for a baby for X amount of time and if it doesn't work then revisit the embryo. It's really important you both get on the same page or at least a similar one with this as otherwise you'll start to resent him. I'm sure he doesn't want that just as much as you don't.