Am I the A**hole??

Just had my baby shower this afternoon, and it was absolutely beautiful being surrounded by my friends and family. There were so many wonderful presents for my baby that will help us a lot in the long run, and some very thoughtful gifts as well. But my best friend was a guest at the shower and she got me a keyring from Amsterdam? Nothing baby related even though there was a gift list. A keyring. My other friend went on holiday to the US and still managed to get a bib with "San Fransisco" on it as well as a handful of other little gifts for the baby, like she made an effort. I even received a gift from a friend of my partner's family who I have never met. But my BEST friend got me a keyring. A souvenir. And when I was opening the gifts in front of everyone, I had to act just as grateful as I did for everyone else. Am I the a**hole for being upset by this?

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NTA and I wouldn’t have been able to hide my genuine reaction, and to be honest, everyone else would be thinking the same thing…

Yeah I don’t think I would have been able to pretend I was happy with that 😂

No I would be the exact same! I had my baby shower last week and not ONE of my ‘friends’ turned up. I had my mum and that was it….

Possibly an unpopular opinion but with the current state of the world, lots of people just don’t have the cash to splash out on baby showers etc. when they usually then also usually buy a gift when the baby arrives. Times are tough! I wouldn’t take it personally. Main thing is she made the effort to be there.

@Juliana that's so sad 😢 how awful of your friends. Hope you're OK xx

@Natasha thank you! They always say you soon find out who’s actually there for you when you’re pregnant and it couldn’t be more true. I was happy enough with my mum and my partners two little ones xx

It’s defo a weird thing to bring to a baby shower. I’d wait and see what happens when baby arrives, she probably wants to bring a gift then instead. I’m not really a baby shower fan to be honest and would much rather buy a gift once baby arrives and that’s what I’ve done a couple times. That said, I wouldn’t take a completely random token gift like that. At least she turned up? I’d be more upset if I had a shower and my best friend didn’t come x

I'd feel the same but not much you can say or do haha one of our friends arrived to baby shower an hour late and didn't bring any gift. We had provided catering & games and little goodies to take home and a cake and sent round a registry that had cheaper items on it too to suit all budgets so we were disappointed but what can you do!

I mean, I know I'm kicking off about the gift, but I didn't mention her attitude the whole afternoon. She was just constantly talking about her holiday in Amsterdam, music concerts she has booked, and the baby names that she has picked out when she isn't pregnant yet. Through the games she was saying things like "I don't know half of these answers, I give up" or "I didn't win any prizes, I feel like I should just go home". She didn't ask me about how I'm doing, or how any of my scans or tests have gone even though she knows I've been stressed. Then I guess the keyring was just the cherry on the cake? Everyone else was like "Awwe... That's cute" but I didn't look up to see their reactions because I was concentrating so hard on staging my own.

Ever thought she may want to wait till baby is here safe and sound???

@India that sounds really hard. Babies are a super sensitive topic for people and some people find it hard to adjust I think. I definitely found my friendship circle changed a lot when I got pregnant to be honest. I grew closer to some of my friends unexpectedly and friendships have definitely shifted. Have you spoke to her about how you feel about her involvement/lack of and that you're struggling with stress and need her support/friendship? There could be so many reasons why she's being off about it all. But equally was she always a friend that was like that with your problems or is this new?

@Shiv tbh looking at it, she struggles to talk about anything that doesn't interest her or involve her, which can make mutual conversation very difficult. We met at work and she just sort of adopted me as her friend and started sharing lunch with me and stuff, and she did the same with a couple of my other colleagues until someone new came along. Particularly strange behaviour for someone older than myself. But perhaps now is the right time to cut ties, while I'm not at work or particularly obligated to talk.

@India I think friends like that have a time and a place in your life. Something like having a baby probably just makes it a lot more noticeable. As long as you know what someone's like and you're aware then you won't get hurt/upset cause you won't have expectations of them. Just maybe not BEST friend material lol But for sure there's some friends I barely speak to now because our lives have just grown in very different directions and it's become harder to relate or because they take a lot more than give. If I'm making all the effort I just don't have time anymore! Has to be two way x

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