Am I being dramatic?
Show your support
You’re a family. He needs to start acting it. He wants a day to himself? Fine. You get one the following week/fortnight etc. You need to have the tough conversations now otherwise it’ll get far worse, and far harder to improve. ❤️
I feel like it’s all about balance with me and my fiancé. When he comes home he will spends time with our son but he also needs a few hours to himself after work to wind down. I also need time to myself so he will do bathtime. Once our son is asleep we make it a priority to spend an hour together whether that’s watching a show or just talking to each other about his day or mine so we don’t feel as lonely. It was also a learning curve for us since we’re both first-time parents, our son is now nine months and we just got that down. I think you both just need to sit down once the your kid is asleep and speak about what you guys need from each other so that you feel less lonely and to speak about the money situation. Every relationship is different, what works for me might not work for you guys, but communication overall is key especially you guys are a team. When it comes to money you both need to have an agreement on how much you each are spending.
@Domi yep correct, forgot to mention as well I get up every morning with him and during night, again his excuse was I work so I don’t want to drive to work to work tired. We had a deal on weekends he would get up but he doesn’t even do that anymore. He says I should wake him cause he doesn’t hear him. Just feel like in doing so much when he’s doing the bare minimum
@Cal just feel like it’s constant. It’s every night I do bed time every night I sort him out while he enjoys himself. I haven’t had a night where I can jusr enjoy it. I do enjoy spending time with our son but it’s exhausting having to do it every night. He never offers he just expects me to do it. I feel like o just want a night for him to say I’ll sort him out tonight
@Nadia he spends maybe max 1 hour with us. But this isn’t even playing with him or something like that it’s more sits on couch and watches me do it. It’s exhausting
You are definitely not spending too much on food shop. As a family of 3 we spend no less than £500 a month on food.
@Ema the thing i try to make it less by meal planning budgeting but I can’t never get it less than 55 quid.
Yeah, he needs to understand you need more from him and if he can’t give that that there are consequences. When you have children, you are agreeing to give up a lot and time to yourself is definitely one of them. Your kid will notice that as they get older and he won’t have that strong connection with them if he doesn’t change that..
I’d be fuming, sounds like he doesn’t even want a family?! You’re on statutory maternity pay because you’ve had HIS child - therefore his pay needs to be both of yours too and if he had an issue with how much you spend then you can talk about it and discuss a new realistic budget (or maybe he could do the food shopping?) If he’s going out, when do you get a break? When do you get time to yourself? He sounds lazy and immature and like he isn’t ready to be a dad and just thinks you should deal with everything!
You need to take bedtime in turns (for multiple reasons)
You are doing amazingly tbh I wish we only spent £55/week. Between going to the butchers and African shop that alone is about £200 every other month.
Aside from how wildly unfair this is on you -when is YOUR break? - it sounds like he has no interest in you or your kid, which sucks. You want a partner who WANTS to spend time with you and the baby, right? Like, sure, yes, we all need breaks sometimes, but what is even the point of having a kid if you don't want to bond with them.
Hi lovely, you’re not alone in this! When my little one was born I felt the exact same! Not making any excuses but at the very start it is hard for everyone to adjust and I think us as women have a natural instinct. Talk to him tell him how you feel. Sometimes they need to be told what to do and show him how to do things and make it his job that he’s had to do- washing bottles or dressing baby for bed? Bedtime is a hard one from my experience. As I was breastfeeding My partner work on sites and drives and his excuses used to be I need to have sleep as I’m driving to ….. or got to be up early. But we came up with what we are both happy with My baby is 14 weeks now and the difference with me and my partner is amazing. I had to show him and said you are doing it next time. Or I would say I’ve got an appointment you are looking after baby for and hour.
You are definitely not dramatic. You are on maternity leave it isn’t holiday you are looking after yours and HIS child. You should be a one person regarding money right now. Me and my partner have a joined account and I put what I can while on maternity leave and he puts his pay in there. Being a mum is a full time job but you don’t get to go home and put your feet up because it never stops so his excuse of he wants some time to him self isn’t good enough. Yeah okay have some time to yourself but not every evening and where is your time to yourself? So honestly not dramatic at all they think maternity leave is a holiday. I assume you also cook and clean ?