What do you think

What exactly is she expecting from him, and what would trying harder look like in this case?

There's only so much he can do to help with IVF. It either takes or it doesn't and it's an emotional ride. They need to be supporting each other and not blaming each other. They're both the AH if they are playing the blame game instead of acting as a partnership

Sounds like she’s regretting the timing and looking for someone to blame. IVF is a horrible and stressful process, nobody is to blame for anything going wrong, it doesn’t always work, there isn’t always a reason. Sadly ivf does tear couples apart, it’s very sad. Stress does some nasty things. I don’t think either of the answers suit my opinion, they’re a team x

At that age I’m surprised the menopause hasn’t already hit. Would it not be easier for her to try surrogacy?

It’s not on her, cause maybe she wasn’t ready and didn’t feel she could devote the time and attention that a kid needs or maybe she didn’t have someone in her life she’d feel would make a good dad. It’s not on him either cause it’s not his fault IVF failed, it happens. I think there needs to be the option of it’s nobody’s fault it’s just unfortunate. She is just taking her pain out on who she’s closest to cause she’s sad. That’s all it is

I feel like 51 is really risky to be having a baby sorry. As well as sperms from a 58 year old. Seems like if it was sucessful it would be at high risk of complications!

Sounds to me like they don’t belong together. If you don’t want kids you shouldn’t have them. That’s one of those things that makes or breaks relationships. There is also a possibility that it might be her fault. You lose half of your healthy eggs by age 30 so I can’t imagine how much is lost by 50. It might just not be in the cards due to her age. Usually the woman’s body can repair damaged sperm cells but again that’s for younger women. She’s very close to menopausal age.

@Neena the average age of menopause is around 51 so about half of women would not have hit full menopause at that age. After menopause you can still carry a baby through doing IVF but you need an egg donor. I wouldn’t say surrogacy is an easier route. Surrogacy is often more expensive than IVF as you need to cover the surrogates expenses. Surrogacy is also more complicated because there is another person to factor in. Also people often want to experience being pregnant and giving birth which you miss out on with a surrogate.

On the main question I can see both sides. I feel like IVF takes so much time, effort and money that you really should give it your best shot. If he hasn’t been putting in the effort to lead a healthy lifestyle and support her through the experience, then I can see why she might be annoyed. Equally it’s very common for IVF not to work. We had 3 failed transfers. There is little point in playing the blame game. All we could do was go back to our specialist and work out what we could do differently next time.