MIL wants to move closer

My MIL lives about an hour away and we see her probably every few months. She has her 30 year old daughter who lives with her (gamer/bum, on benefits) she's due to retire in around a year and a bit. She's recently put her mother in a home(mil lived with her in her home) who she didn't treat that kindly tbh. She is not close to my husband, we do holidays birthdays mainly. So recently she mentioned to my husband (when I wasn't there) that she wants to live closer to us, I think same town. And help me with our girls... I don't particularly like said mil she's very passive aggressive and pretty odd. And by what my husband says wasnt the best of mums growing up.But I've tolerated her as visits rare. This has now made me anxious, I feel like she wants to sort herself out in old age, when she barely bothered with our kids before, she likes the la de da version in being a grandma. But is she being entitled thinking expects more from us? Or am I being a tit? This woman has NEVER helped with the kids, which is fine but can't just expect more access? I would even want to see her ever week, I go to my own parents once a fortnight. I think she thinks being a mum I'm not busy, but we have so much on! My husband also works 6 days a week and we have his day off as family time. So it would be me dealing with her. My eldest starts school this year and my youngest will be one in November, when I'll be going back to work and I work pt anyways. As we have decided, we will go ft when both kids are in school. Plus hours I work are being funded. So I don't understand what help she'll give me?! Also sure she wants to drop her useless daughter on us, or if anything happened to her, which is another story entirely. Just wondered how others handled similar situations? I'm pretty sure her moving closer is going to cause arguments with my husband. I just want a easy stress-free life!! We wanted to move nearer to a city ourselves, but that probably won't be for another 5+ years 😔

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Calm down love….it will all work out ❤️

My MIL is a waste of space on benefits. She sees my daughter when my husband takes her there, but otherwise she wouldn't bother. Always thinks we're there to put on a lavish Christmas for her and after about 3 years with my husband I put my foot down and I said no thank you. When my little girl was born I think she thought she would be used for childcare, when she can hardly take care of herself. I had so many discussions with my husband about it and it was not happening. When my daughter was round there the other week she offered her a can of coke (she's bloody 2) and juice when I've told her she only drinks water! So I would not be able to trust her! Just keep her at arms length! I do the minimal lol and she sees her every other week for a few hours always when my husband is with her. They are your kids ! Xx

@Efe I hope so, I've just started feeling myself after a few years. And I know I'm overthinking🤣

@Sophie-Jayne wow coke at 2!! God it's the entitlement! I'm glad you have got it the way that suits you and your family now 💗 Yes you're right they are my kids and obviously my husbands, but I'm the main carer, so I will decide what suits us best! Easier said then done though x

I honestly wouldn’t stress about it now x

Yeh just stay strong! I know!! She also said we could put her on a bus and she would meet her at her bus stop! Absolutely no clue about life. Sometimes I'm surprised my husband made it this far 😂😂 your kids, your family and your choice! Xx

My MIL likes to threaten this now and then but ended up moving down the road from where she was (3 hours away). I would just take no notice or say “we are fine honestly” if she mentions you needing help.

I would tell her she's more than welcome to move closer (you unfortunately can't stop her, lol)...but I would also have a serious talk with her about what exactly her expectations are and let her know things may not work out that way. For example, if she's moving closer with the idea that she's gonna be at your house from sunup to sundown, and that's not something you want...then she doesn't need to bother moving closer. Let her know how much visiting/help that you are willing to allow, and if she doesn't think it's enough...oh, well. 🤷🏼‍♀️ She can take it or leave it. Bottom line, make sure she understands that just because she lives closer doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants. I would also make it clear that you would not be accepting any sort of responsibility for SIL at any point in time.

My mil has said she wants to move to Colorado to be near us (we moved from Washington state) … but she hasn’t. If she does I’d probably lose my mind lol. When she was looking into it I just stayed very neutral. She is not very capable so i wouldn’t allow her to watch m daughter as she’s quite old (71) Maybe she’s hoping to spend more time with y’all?

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