How to deal with being the default parent?
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@CiCi unfortunately I have many times because of past similar situation and it just becomes a battle. He said he works full time, I say weekends we are both parents and same for evenings. He said he has two jobs so that’s more, I say he bails on his work to hang with his buddies but is glued to his phone when with us. I also say his second job is not needed because we are lucky with our current work. He says it benefits us, I say it benefits his savings and not our little family because I put ever dime I earn from my mat leave pay into our bills and our son, he gets to save. He gets all sassy telling me to ask for money from him, I think that’s not how a family dynamic should be. And that if his second job is so crazy making him feel me needs to drink every weekend, then he needs to cut the job and enjoy family time. 🤦🏼♀️ it’s just an endless cycle that ends in me just having to ask specifically what I want and him only doing exactly what was asked. Idk I think I’m just so burnt out
Yeah. This is not how it should be at all. You're working more than 2 jobs given that your job is now taking care of a child 24/7... So if you lay it down for him, maybe he'll see that you actually work way more than he does. I say, go out, every other weekend with friends, leave him what he needs to take care of the baby and he'll figure it out, men fake that they don't know how to do things, but they do. Don't answer texts super quickly when he asks questions, and he can just google things. Live ur life too girl.
I have seen a million posts like this. It’s interesting talking to the older generation. Even my stepmom, thinks it’s odd that I haven’t gone back to work and that I ask my husband to do what I ask him with our 2 young kids. I’ve learned that before I go back to work I need to train my husband. I’ve been blessed to be home for 8 years but we are nowhere near where we need to be , to be equal. He will never take initiative to take the boys out. I come up with 99.9% of activities/entertainment ideas/Play dates. Maintaining the house /laundry grocery/supplies is me. So I’ve given my husband the absolute must, jobs like dinner and making school lunch. I’ve learned that if I leave him to clean the house/laundry-he’ll leave it for a month! Once I start working it will probably stay this way. I’ll have the stress of getting the kids to school/daycare and he can have the ‘stress’ of dinner/lunches/clean up (while I do bedtime for 2). Us moms always seem to be default 🤷♀️.
@Cat it doesn't have to be this way. My husband works and makes more than I do and he takes 50% (sometimes more) of all the duties and he's more fun than I am. He makes sure I go out every other weekend (and so does he), he will go out on dates with me, he makes sure we remember some parenting stuff he's read, he starts dad groups for support. His dream was to be a husband and father but also he's so damn good at providing too, it's not impossible, but men just need to see that it's ok to love being a parent.
I told my partner he needs to chip in more. Sometimes he needs a reminder but I think most guys are like that (which sucks because they're parents too 🤦🏽♀️). Have u had a conversation with him?: