Sisters wedding - costs are fair?

I’m from Canada so it may differ here but when my sister and I were brides maids and maid of honour for each others weddings the only costs we took on were our dresses, the wedding shower/bachelorette. Other than that we (brides/groom)paid for the rest of the stuff. Mind you we did our own hair and makeup but neither of us were forced to put money into each other’s weddings. It was more of a courtesy thing and wanting to do something nice with out expectations

Having just attended my sister’s wedding myself with a 9 month old, I would say please do go ahead and set any boundary you deem is necessary. At the end of the day the magnitude of your sacrifices would likely not be recognized and the worst thing that could happen is that you feel resentful after doing all those lovely thoughtful things for your sister. Better save yourself the heartache, especially considering kids are involved. Do say no wherever you need to. I know this is hard to do, but you would be better off for it.

It also depends on your relationship and culture too. I paid for my sisters Bachelorette and my mom bought our outfits since they were custom made and hair and makeup is a given at least for us and it would look fairly awkward if immediately family didn't look good but thats just my culture. The wedding was in town like half hour away so no accommodation needed and we obviously drove ourselves there.

I think it's acceptable that you cover the cost of the accommodation, transport, drinks and gifts etc as every other guest will be doing this too. Personally I paid for dresses for my sister and niece, and my sister paid for my dress when I was her maid of honour She paid for my hair at her wedding, but only mine. None of the other bridesmaids had theirs done At my wedding only I had my hair done (it was much more informal than my sister's wedding tbh) and I did my own make up The hen do is pricey. But that's fairly standard these days.

A pricey hen do is not a given. If it's not in your budget or practically difficult (which, from your description I would totally understand!) I would say no. When my maid of honour was planning my hen do she took the bridesmaids budgets into account since they were paying for it. Also accommodation if included in the wedding package should defo not be for you to pay. However if it's not included I would understand why they are asking you to meet that cost. Again if you don't want to stay then say no. Transport, drinks, gifts etc I think are a given. Not much way around that. But you can choose how much to donate as a gift surely? I did ask my bridesmaids to pay for their dress. But I gave them free reign and just told them a colour. My reasoning was that I wanted them all to feel comfortable and beautiful in what they were wearing and not be dictated by me- especially as my bridesmaids were all very different body shapes.

When I was my sisters bridesmaid all I paid for was my place on the hen do, everything else was paid for by her and her husband. I get not everybody can afford that but then she needs to be reasonable about what her bridesmaids can afford. If she’s making you pay for dress, make up accommodation etc she should really be sacrificing the expensive hen do

That’s a hideous amount of money to be spending on a wedding that isn’t even yours! I wouldn’t be paying that and would be cutting costs where I could. Hen dos are extortionate nowadays, I just had a nice night out in my city and it was made special in other ways.

I wouldn’t be going abroad for a hen do and if she’s chosen dresses that cost that much she should be paying for them 😱 I’d also save £160 and not stay over on the night of the wedding haha

I think it’s fair. Minus the dress. I know in America the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses but here in the uk usually the bride & groom pay for them which is what I’d expect. Makeup is your own choice. And things like accommodation & transport & money for drinks are just standard in any event in life if your going somewhere The hen do, surely there was a conversation beforehand to whether you’d like to do that/ whether you can afford it?

For my wedding Hen do - £200 for a long weekend in the lake district in three cottages, including all food and activities. Everyone paid for themselves and bridesmaids very kindly covered me but this was included in the £200. Dresses - I paid for. Make up and hair - They paid for make up £40 and I paid for hair. Accommodation - they paid for £125 but wasn't part of our package, rooms were just available if people wanted to book. Wedding day - I paid for a buffet and drinks whilst we got ready and they paid for any other drinks. We drove ourselves to the venue as everything was in one place. Gifts - donations for honeymoon but nothing was expected and it wasn't above £50 from each bridesmaid. Other costs that cropped up I paid for. I even paid for the shortfall of someone no longer attending the hen do as I didn't want to put that on my maid of honour as it's not fair. That's a ridiculous amount of money you are being asked to pay for someone else's wedding, family or not 🤯

In the US, these are all standard things you expect to pay for when your part of a wedding

When I got married, my two sisters were my bridesmaids. I paid for dresses, hair and makeup - they got their own shoes. We didn’t have accommodation at the venue but they did book the nearby hotel and paid for themselves (but it was fairly local so they could’ve decided to go home if they wanted). They came to the venue with me in the morning so no cost there and they paid for their own transport back to the hotel after (but it was close, so wouldn’t have been costly). They did cover all of my costs on my hen do which was two nights away in Bath. And my younger sister went crazy buying things for the “gift bags” - so she probably did spend too much 😂 But my husband did also give them around £200 to get drinks for everyone.