Need some advice

I need some advice. Currently my husband and I lives separately where we currently reside with our parents initially it was due to marital issues we was having and now it kinda prolongs due to financial issues. March will make it 5 yrs that we been married. While in the marriage I started having resentment towards him because I was not having help with our kids (a infant and a toddler) I work from home so being home with our kids was overwhelming, whenever he gets off he’ll just stay in the car for 1-2 hours and smoke and then he’ll just come in take a shower and leave and go to his parents house to wash his clothes (which it shouldn’t take all night to do but he was doing that almost everyday) and always saying his family would offer to help watch the kids but I never see any help being offered (and his mother would come over a few times and leave because she has errands to do but she did stay one day to help with the kids while I was working the whole day). He says because I always say no to the help is the reason why ppl haven’t helped out. Because of this I started staying at my parents house much longer and was getting help with the kids. A few months later I gotten a new job which required me to work in person for a few months and then they’ll transition me to work from home. During the week I’ll stay at my parents house since the new job was closer to the house and then I’ll come down Friday and spend the weekend back home. I lived about 40-45 mins away from my parents house and live about 2-4 mins from his parents house. During that time we were still having issues in our marriage to where I am being accused of cheating and so forth to the point one day both of our parents had to come to our house to help de-escalate an argument we was having. So we made a decision to just stay apart for an and try working on our marriage. So he stayed in the house and my kids and I moved back in with my parents, I still had my stuff in the house and I was still helping pay the bills while we apart. While apart it didn’t not get any better we were arguing either every day or every other day and it was getting exhausting. There were certain things during our argument that he would say that was very hurtful and I kept those conversations in the back of my mind like he said one time “ because you have a masters you think you better than me” and “if we were to get a divorce you’ll be the one paying me child support cause you make more than me”. Certain things like that I kept in mind and i started not telling him things like promotions I got from work or pay bonuses from work. Couple years before we got married we did try therapy cause we having issue in our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, but we had to stop going to therapy because I was able to keep up with the payments for every session and I was in school and he wasn’t working. While apart we started therapy again with the same therapist we did our session before we did a few sessions but stopped because we both didn’t have the money to pay for the next session. Currently I am in therapy (thank god for health insurance) I was able to get insurance from my job and they’re able to cover the cost. So last year November has been a year since I’ve been in therapy. And I have seen a difference from when I wasn’t in therapy. So I suggested to him if we can try therapy again and at first he was like no I will have to pay for it, he’s not paying for it and then he was like my therapist is going to be bias. I even offered for him to pick another therapist and I’ll just pay it. He was against it. A few hours later he ask if we see my therapist and will I pay for it and I said yes. So in in May of 2024 we started a session with the therapist and the session was good we talked about our history and how did we start having problems. Then once our session ended we were supposed to have another one 2 weeks later. I didn’t know he started a new job until the day before where he asked me for gas money so he can go to work. That same week on Thursday we had a session and I told him about the session but he couldn’t attend due to his new work schedule. I did ask him does he have a day that will be good for him so we can accommodate him but he never could tell me a day that was good for him. So I stopped suggesting therapy. We still are having issue, him calling me out of my name, accusing me of cheating and (because we both agreed to living apart) he’s saying I’ve abandoned him in the house(he claims that he spoke to an attorney and what I did was abandoned him). Every time we get into a heated argument I just hang up and get overwhelmed and he goes to blowing up phone (one time he called the police and the police came to the house to do a wellness check on our kids because the officer said my husband said he hasn’t heard from me all day. But we were just having an argument an hour ago and I hung up and because I didn’t pick up the phone he called the police). I had to go to the house and pack up all of my kids things and my things cause he threatened to throw my things out (says he can do that since I abandoned him) but both of our name is on the lease and I am still paying my half of the rent. Now I am still staying at my parents house and he had to move back in with his parents because the lease was up and he can’t afford a place to himself since he is without work going on I want to say 2 years now (he has a history of not having a stable job). Just recently his parents just moved a little further so now they’re about 3 hrs away from us so he had to go move with them. I sometimes try to be hopeful to see maybe we can try to make this work but then certain things will just happen and I’m like see you knew this was going to happen. Like for Valentine’s last year we didn’t do anything but I would have thought he try to plan something but no all he did was got me a valentine day card. This year I wasn’t really having any expectations because of last year but I was a little hopeful. He asked in January what I wanted to do for Valentine’s Day and I said “idk” his response was “oh ok” from there I already knew we weren’t doing anything. Valentine’s Day come all I got was a text and call saying Happy Valentine’s Day. Im not upset (maybe I am) it would have been nice to feel appreciated (I already know his excuse is cause he doesn’t have money since he’s without a job, it been about 2 weeks since he seen his kids, and this past Saturday he was able to them cause his mother wanted to see her grandkids.) But I know there’s ppl that have less than him, they would have made way to have their partner feel love). I think because of all the issues we been having like every time he calls or come to pick up the kids I just get annoyed. All of this has been in the last 3 yrs. I apologize for this long rant. Just need some advice. Thank you.