Am I overreacting?

Not overreacting. That’s really irresponsible and shows zero concern for the safety of their own grandchild. They know it’s not safe. Just because something is free doesn’t mean you need to take it. Also, shame on that coworker giving out compromised car seats from a collision!

Oh wow. That would be the last time we'd be visiting with the child.

@Sarah I feel like there’s a lot of irresponsible parties in this situation.

Also if you’re going to select overreacting, please at least have the balls to explain why in the comments

Not overreacting. That's outright dangerous and incredibly irresponsible.

Not overreacting at all. You literally cannot use a car seat after it’s been in a crash. This is actually rather disturbing from them to be honest and the person giving it away it’s disturbing too as they also clearly knew this was an issue hence them getting a new one

It has to be a pretty bad accident 😭 so yeah that's bad.

@Laura absolutely. And makes me feel like I can’t trust them alone with her because they knew I wouldn’t be comfortable with it and they did it anyways

@Zainab🗝️ it doesn’t. Even if it was a bump they need to be replaced.

That's not true. My insurance and the fire fighters said mine didn't need to be replaced and our car was totaled. I live in Canada. It wasn't a bad hit but it just was a hit that made it undriveable and it was an old car so they totaled it.

Accidentally pressed overreacting - you’re definitely not overreacting! The original owner should never have given them away. I would have assumed they wouldn’t have even gotten them back if the car was written off in the crash

Insurance companies in several parts of Canada are now the ones who pay their customers even if they aren't at fault. Verses the other people's insurance having to pay. Not sure where your family is located. But they don't want to pay for shit if they absolutely don't need to and if the police/emergency response says it's fine. That's been my experience. We have had three no fault accidents in the last 6 years so I'm pretty experienced with the insurance rules here now. It's not every province.

As if she gave them away!!!!! I think that would be the last time I visited the in laws. If you packed your bags and left right now, I still don’t think you’d be overreacting tbh

So I am going to guess they are in Ontario

I would get a new one and just let them know the rules around car seats. There were not really good car seats when I was born so they might not realize how big of an issue that is.

I mean.. you’re not over reacting at all but I’m not understanding. Do you need to use this car seat? Can’t you just say no thanks? Or no we won’t be using that? Or throw it out?

When I was little we used to ride in the back of the truck (as in the truck bed, not the seats). Times change. It may be a case of the boomer mentality of "well we did it, and our kids turned out fine." Just because we survived doesn't mean it's correct practice. They likely don't mean any harm, but stand your ground regardless and stay firm that this is not acceptable today.

@Alyson we’ve been using it for a week. Including during the storms. They’ve knowingly put her at risk.

Omg!!!!!

It all depends on the car seat manual.

Definitely not over reacting. I am fine with gifted car seats but not ones that have been in accidents

Definitely not overreacting. Surely any responsible parent/parent to be wouldn't even consider a car seat that's been in an accident. They shouldn't even joke with you about it. You have every right to refuse it hun. Your baby's safety is priority and a second hand car seat that's been in an accident is definitely not safe x

I would just have your partner talk to them, especially if you have to be here for a while longer. I don't imagine they would react very well if you expressed to them how you feel about them knowingly putting her at risk. I doubt they would agree. So if you think it's just ignorance and not malicious you can purchase another one you feel better about and move on with your snowy vacation. I too would be uncomfortable with them being jokey about it. I dunno, if you don't mind blowing up your relationship with them and you have somewhere else to be, you could confront it. I double checked with my carseat manufacturer and our car seats were only present in one nudge accident, there isn't a law about having to replace them and we have cleaned them many times so we see the structure. Whatever you're comfy with.

Psycho behavior from both the in laws and the people who have them the seat!! Cut the straps and get a new one. And don’t leave them alone with your baby seeing as they have no idea about safety.

@Kathryn exactly this. they never respect my boundaries when it comes to my child.

@Zainab🗝️ not true from what I heard. car seats get written off in any event a car is in. My friend hit a deer and had to get new car seats. There was no damage done to the vehicle.

@Rachelle that's what I thought but that's not what we were told by our insurance (I even looked into people who left reviews and did get them and they are hit going over 80km) and it's reflected in car seat manuals as well. It's definitely recommended as ways to not be held responsible. There isn't a law for it either. Also Alberta has a different rule for insurance companies than Ontario.

Insurance companies won’t release the funds for the replacement seats until you send pics of the old seats with the straps cut.

@Genevieve I mean…….. clearly not…… their insurance company returned their fixed car to them with the seats still in place and the new ones in the trunk in boxes. I’m sure that’s what many companies do, but clearly not all.

That’s not how it works at all. The new seats must be purchased by the car owner/parents who then sends the receipts to be reimbursed. The insurance company would not send new seats. Sounds like your in-laws might not be telling the truth.

@Zainab🗝️ ooo from Ontario here.

Your in-laws are definitely confused. The insurance company doesn't purchase anything for you. They will reimburse you or give you enough money for a similar seat. They would never ever do that and they do want proof of things. Like pictures. Gen is from another part of Canada than I am so it sounds like that's universal. I called my insurance company to ask after being on this post.

If this is a weird joke or a weird misunderstanding I'm actually pissed on your behalf that they made you worry about a baby seat in bad weather.

Not over reacting I mean it maybe different in different places but I know in the UK any accident warrants a replacement car seats. Some car seat manuals say even if the car seat is dropped from a certain height etc it needs replacing. Your in-laws are being irresponsible x

Not sure how it works in Canada but someone reversed into our parked car overnight and drove off. Our insurance company has given us the money for the car seat and told us to buy a new one. I have what looks like a perfectly usable car seat and base that I’m going to have to send to the tip, as I don’t know how damaged it may or may not be. I wouldn’t dream of passing that onto anyone whether they knew it had been hit or not! Crazy and dangerous. No way of knowing if they have damage or not or what a safe level of damage is.

The problem is there’s no way to tell if a seat has been damaged or not. In an accident you need to know that seat will protect your child the most it possibly can. It’s a safety device, not a transportation aid. It may have been a little bump to the front end of the car and so there’s a very good chance the seat is fine, but you literally won’t know until you have an accident and the seat splits, this is why they get replaced as standard. Ask them if they’d be happy using a motorcycle helmet knowing it had been in an accident, or a climbing rope that was frayed, or a parachute that has straps that may be weak enough to snap. I certainly wouldn’t risk those things so why risk the life of a child? I hope you can get them to understand xx

@Genevieve what would they benefit from in lying about that? That doesn’t even make sense? I truly don’t care abiut the logistics of the insurance and getting the seats. It’s not even the point of this conversation.

@Zainab🗝️ I am super confused as to why this is the part people are focusing on 😂 the insurance company part isn’t the issue. The coworker was told to destroy the seats, they didn’t and knowingly gave iy away and my in-laws have knowingly endangered my child all week in it.

Maybe they’re trying to get a rise out of you or get under your skin 🤷🏼‍♀️ Two Canadians from different provinces, with extensive experience with Canadian car seats and car insurance companies/policies are telling you that’s not how it works over here. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that your in-laws are lying or confused because the alternative is that this post is made up.

@Genevieve I grew up here, spent most of my life here. It’s not as though I’m unaware of rules and laws. I worked in childcare when I lived here. Bought and replaced many a car seat. The reason I didn’t ask for advice on car seat regulations is because I’m well aware. I asked if me being upset about their actions should have me as upset as I am. I’m asking for people to get back into that because that’s the part I’ve asked for advice on.

Now I think you're overreacting. If it was just a second hand baby seat from a car crash, not an overreaction but thinking they intentionally with the full knowledge put your baby at risk is an overreaction. Putting aside that this story doesn't make sense. It can be really hard to realize that people not doing things right or how you would want them for your kid isn't an intentional harm to them and you. I feel like that comes with being a more seasoned parent or a parent of multiple children. I would book a flight back home and not return unless you're bringing everything with you that you need.

@Zainab🗝️ and you’re entitled to your opinion which i appreciate. They absolutely have put her at risk with full knowledge that that seat should have been destroyed as requested by the insurance company. And they know that it isn’t safe and they’ve done it anyway. They had planned to keep the information from me. They knew it was wrong. Not sure how else to look at it.

They don't have the full knowledge that it's not safe. Obviously they believe it is safe. I don't think they want your baby to be unsafe. At worst they are dumb. Not malicious. I wouldn't leave any kids with them especially since they think you're an overreactor and they keep information from you.

@Zainab🗝️ I think I’m done arguing this with you x thanks for your opinion.

@Zainab🗝️ they must know it’s not safe if they weren’t going to tell her ? Otherwise why else would they not tell her.. she’s not gonna react over a second hand car seat that hasn’t been in a crash is she. They’ve not told her purposely knowing that a car seat in a crash isn’t safe. I’m confused how you think they believe that it’s safe

@Meg exactly this. I knew it was second hand and had no issue with it at all. They told me and then said we probably shouldn’t have told you because we knew you’d be upset and overreact. They knew it was unsafe. They knew the original owner had been told to get rid of it and not use it

Exactly, they knew you’d be upset because it’s unsafe, if they naively thought it was fine to use there would’ve been no hiding the truth in the first place. The whole thing is insane, you’re not overreacting in the slightest x

@Meg nah I think they think she's a worry wart and makes things more complicated than they need to be. They probably would have put their own child in the car seat. They wouldn't have got her a seat at all or had a visit if they didn't care about the child.

@Zainab🗝️ sorry for having safety standards that are based on science, regulation and logic 😂 I’ll happily be called a worry wart if it means I want wants best for my child.

@Zainab🗝️ if they genuinely thought the seat was safe, what would there be to worry about? we take car seat safety very seriously in the uk so if she was a worrier then she wouldn’t have let them pick any car seats in the first place regardless of new or second hand, she would’ve picked them out herself. I’m saying that as a worrier who wouldn’t let someone else choose a car seat that my baby was going to be in 🤷🏼‍♀️